Posted on

Have You Survived The End of The World?

Well, it seems the world was due to end today. (Monday 23rd April – in case you’re reading this on a different day.)

Basically, a “Christian Numerologist” called David Meade claimed the world was going to end today due to Planet X colliding with Earth.

Presuming you have survived the apocalypse, you may be interested in this…

The apocalypse / rapture survival card.

Remember. The 10th end time prediction is free.

Posted on

The Rapture Survival Kit

In case you missed it. There is apparently an Apocalypse planned to take place fairly soon. Depending your choice of news outlet / personal religious teaching / worldview / blog, will impact on if you think this is The Apocalypse / An  Apocalypse / The Rapture, or indeed, another day.

Well JUST IN CASE something does happen, here’s what The Sofa suggests having on your person just in case…

  1. Spray Paint. Perfect for spray painting Bible verses over walls, trains, abandoned shops etc.
  2. Clothing. Just in case of sudden air raising, make sure when an apocalypse is planned, to wear clothes at ALL TIMES. (Indeed, clothing is generally a good thing to wear in general anyway).
  3. Plenty of Prescription Meds. If you need prescription meds that is, because well if you don’t then this would be a little naughty.
  4. Running shoes. In case of Zombie Apocalypse.
  5. A copy of the Left Behind series of novels. To act as a guide / hindrance depending how accurate they are.
  6. Bomb Proof Bible.
  7. Holy Water. Because, well you never know.
  8. A Torch. Because light, is good at dealing with dark.
  9. The AntiChrist Detector. Looking like something out of Doctor Who, when you point it at people, it will go “Ding” if it detects AntiChrist. Sadly it would probably act like it came from Doctor Who and go “ding” a little too often.

What else would you suggest that people have on them?

For an alternative take on a Rapture Survival Kit, please see rapture-survival-kit.com

Posted on

The Christian Nightmares Tribulation Band – I Wish We’d All Been Ready

If you’ve been reading The Church Sofa for long enough, you’ve probably seen something that was originally found over at Christian Nightmares, a collection of all sorts of weirdness from mostly American Christianity. I say weird… I mean some of it is kind of disturbing… like those Christian end time thrillers that were released back in the 1970s. These things are basically Christian versions of those Public Information Films from the same decade.

Seemingly inspired by the end time thrillers such as ‘If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?’ and ‘A Thief in The Night’, CN has organised The Christian Nightmares Tribulation Band, who have recorded a cover version of Larry Normans, “I Wish We’d All Been Ready”.

Whilst I reckon the tune itself is worth a listen, I’m fairly certain the video needs a big fat NSFW work warning.

Please dont say you weren’t warned…

Visit thechristiannightmarestribulationband.bandcamp.com for more information about The Tribulation Band.

 

Posted on

The Weekly Round Up – The End of The World Edition

So I go on holiday… and the world ends… Well thats what it felt like when I checked into Twitter at one point last week. Heres some of the best sites / web pages we came across since then:

  • The BBC looks at the atheist reaction to the end of the world.
  • Laurence Cooper ponders the rapture emotion.
  • Bishop of Buckingham tells Channel 4 News that Paul would have said “don’t be silly”.
  • The New York Times looks at the families of the people proclaiming the end times…
  • What happens to your pet when you get ruptured? This guys help…
  • On a more serious note… Where is Harold Camping?
  • To end with – joking aside – there are going to be alot of people upset that the world didn’t end… wondering what to do from here… all credit to Calvary Bible Church for trying to help.