From Before You Were Four.

Who remembers when I was tweeting about “Little Sofa” being born? Well… today she is four years old! Four! She is growing from a toddler to a preschooler to an actual little person within a blink of an eye. Time seems to be rushing forward, and before I know it she’ll be going to big school and everything!

Taking inspiration from Al over The Dad Network I thought I would blog a list of things that my daughter (probably) wouldn’t remember, but I would.

Instead, I figured I would take a photo of my notes (seen above), and save the notebook on a shelf somewhere.

So Little One… Here are a collection of memories from before you were 4. 

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(Post also featured on Dads Sofa)

A Church Survival Kit For New Parents

Have you got to the stage where you have a little version of yourself? (Otherwise known as a baby). Are you worried about what you need to keep a baby entertained in a Church service? Well this might help…

We have a selection of special tools to distract, entertain, and comfort mini-sofa, while ensuring her parents also get a chance to take part in the service.

So we’re proud to present, the “Take Your New Born / Baby to Church Survival Kit”

  1. Dummies
  2. Muslin to cover up the fact your using a dummy.
  3. Spare phone battery. Because you’ve been up for a long long time… and so has your phone…
  4. Energy drink – Because having coffee after the service is a little late.
  5. Note pad, and pen – useful for things such as funny drawings, paper plane material, and possibly sermon notes.
  6. Church Approved Toy. (Does not make noise, nor make other kids, or preacher jealous that he/she can’t play with said toy).
  7. Nappy bag – with enough nappies to last the length of the sermon.
  8. Milk bottles containing Ministry Approved Milk.
  9. Breakfast – because you were busy before the service making sure everyone else ate! Possibly a bacon roll? (Warning. People around you may be tempted to mug you for it)
  10. Push Chair. So you can race other “drivers” around the church hall.
  11. Map containing directions to nearest exit – in case of sudden ‘exit’ issues…
  12. Children’s Bible – because we all need help understanding sermons sometimes.
  13. A note in your organiser letting you know that the service is starting 30 mins earlier… you’re never going to get there on time otherwise…

Any more that we’ve missed?

Problems Parents of Toddlers Face in Church

Kids in Church

We all have times when sitting through a Church service isn’t straightforward. It could be because of that curry you had last night, the contact lens not behaving, or just wanting to get home in time to watch the football.

If you’re a parent of a toddler / other little person, then there are other problems in Church that makes a Church service not straightforward. Here is a look at the problems that parents of toddlers face in Church:

  1. The ability to partake in communion is held hostage by a toddler stealing the liturgy card.
  2. You have a minor panic attack every time your little one wonders near the open and full baptism pool.
  3. Can I have some of that squash?” “No dear, its communion wine.”
  4. Hitting a chair, in an attempt to ensure your little one doesn’t fall off, while she is jumping on it.
  5. The heart racing panic when the Little One shouts, “I need a POO!.. QUICK ITS COMING OUT!
  6. Been massively distracted anytime someone comes into the hall during the sermon – just in case its someone from your kids group.
  7. Having to explain everytime its a communion service that you cant eat the bread from the table until the right time.
  8. No you can’t see the song sheet. It’s being used for colouring in.
  9. A time of silent prayer is anything but silent inside your head, as you count down the seconds until something gets shouted. (Normally a cry of “BOOOO!”)
  10. Accidentally looking super spiritual by kneeling on the floor during communion. (Because toddler has stolen your seat)

Any other problems I’ve not mentioned?

Christian Clothing of The Week!

Parenting. Its filled with choices.

Such as how much attention you should give certain behavior… how much screen time is a bad thing… and choosing to remember that warm whiskey isn’t a good way to send children to sleep.

Then there are choices about what clothing to buy…

YallNeedJesus
Found at the Stuff Christian Culture Likes Facebook Page.

Post Sunday Childrens Group Conversation

Kids in Church

Little Sofa had her first Sunday at a Childrens group which wasn’t creche today. In an attempt to engage her in conversation about it, Mrs Sofa asked her about a puppet that we believe might be Jesus.

Mrs Sofa: “Did Jesus go and see all the people?”

Little Sofa: (Very firm) “No”

Mrs Sofa: “Did Jesus sit down and eat a sandwich?”

Little Sofa: *Thinks for a moment* Yeah…

How Toddlers Make You Late To Church

Kids in Church

A little miracle happened on Sunday. The Church Sofa family made it to the Church service on time! Now this wasn’t without the toddler seeming to put her best efforts into making us late for Church. As we were leaving the house for the second time that morning, I wondered exactly how Toddlers can make you late for Church.

  1. The toddler asks… “One more Topsy and Tim / Bing / Kate and Mim Mim”
  2. The cry of, “I need a WEEEE”, just as you’re leaving the front door.
  3. Hiding your Bible. (Or using your Bible as a chew toy)
  4. The toddler deciding that, they don’t want that doggy toy, they want the other doggy toy.
  5. Dropping the toy Jesus just as you’re leaving.
  6. “One more Topsy and Tim / Bing / Kate and Mim Mim… Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeee”
  7. Wanting to go in the driving seat of the car, and making that known by climbing past their car seat, and into the front.
  8. Deciding that no, they don’t want the bribe you offered to get out the house.
  9. Hearing a cry of “Oh No, POO!”
  10. Wanting to bring about 20 to many toys, therefore its time to turn into a top negotiator, and agree on an amount of toys that are acceptable to all parties.

What other ways do toddlers make you late?