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Ten Ways to Misbehave at Church

Have you ever gone to Church and thought about how well behaved people seem to be? Have you ever got slightly bored and wondered what you could do about it? Well you might find some inspiration here in our list of Ten Ways to Misbehave at Church*:

  1. Go to one of those Churches that meet in a School hall? Position one chair facing backwards.
  2. Got a visiting preacher? Replace his water with gin. **
  3. Swap the communion wine with Port.**
  4. Just like if you were catching a train, lock all church doors 60 seconds before it begins.
  5. Phone people in the congregation. See who has their phone on sound.
  6. Cook breakfast (Hot Cross Buns, Fish, Pancakes, anything Church related). Immediately underneath the smoke detectors. Dont turn off the fire alarms.
  7. Play catch with Christingles.
  8.  During the peace, greet everybody with a Holy Kiss.
  9. Give tambourines to all small children during an all age service.
  10. Visiting a different church? Shout hallelujah for every second sentence. Shout AMEN for every third!

Any more you’d suggest?

*Obviously any of this may really annoy people. Be careful of your audience. Play nice. We accept no responsibility if you end up in Church Jail!

** Might want to ‘borrow’ peoples car keys.