10 signs you’re late for church

Its 10 am, you’re up, running around your place like a maniac. You’re doing everything to avoid being late for church, because, well… you’re never late for church. If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like to be late for church, heres a list of 10 things to look out for:

  1. The “welcome” team seem very absent.
  2. Nearest car park space is a decent walk. As the on-time people got the nearer spaces away.
  3. Tutting noises…
  4. Notice sheets. Gone.
  5. The only remaining spare seats are at the front.
  6. You’ve missed the Notices.
  7. The vicar looks at you with ‘that’ look when he asks whats important in our lives?
  8. You’ve got yourself and your little one sat down, and have spent five minutes keeping her quiet – until you realise no other kids are in the service because they all left ten minutes ago.
  9. Everybody looks somewhat different. More then usual. At this point you realise you’re not just late, but your late to “The second morning service”
  10. An empty church hall… because everyones gone home already.

Any more?

10 Ways To Be Late To A Meeting.

You’re there. Driving fast / cycling like a crazy person / trying not to run… but either way you’re running late to a meeting. It could be Housegroup, a prayer meeting, or some sort of leaders meeting. Whatever the meeting is, you’re running late to it.

You could either arrive late. Or you could arrive late with style. Want to choose the style option? Check out our list of 10 Ways To Be Late To A Meeting:

  1. That short cut you’ve been meaning to try out. See if its really a short cut.
  2. Don’t even acknowledge you’re late. Enough panache and you can leave everyone else wondering whether they were early.
  3. Explain to people you’ve been there all the time, and that you just nipped out to go the loo. Act upset that they didn’t notice you if they show any signs of doubt.
  4. Walk in with some elaborate excuse. Ignore the looks you get when the KFC wrappers fall out your pocket, and pretend they’ve been on the floor all along.
  5. With Pizza / beer / Dohnuts…. (No one will care if you’re late as long as you’re sharing)
  6. Now is the time to turn vigilante! Put on your Batman outfit, and run around the local park telling the local teenagers to go to bed. When you turn up to your meeting battered and bruised, explain you felt called to do some detached youthwork on your way there.
  7. Walk in. Take a seat. When people look at you, just explain that you weren’t late – as you’ve been there in spirit since the start. In fact this could be used if you miss the entire meeting.
  8. Arrive in disguise. (As someone who really shouldn’t be at that meeting)
  9. Knock on the window, asking to be let in. Explain that you wanted to make an entrance. (Bonus points if you’re above the 2nd floor)
  10. Get yourself a wizard outfit, just so you can reenact this:

Any more?