Tips To Survive Church During A Pandemic

grayscale photography of hands waving

Well happy days, life is returning to normal. Pubs are serving at the bar, we can lick each others faces in nightclubs, and we can rock on back to Church*.

Even with things coming back to (some sort of) normal, there is still a pandemic happening. What do we suggest doing at Church, to help survive Church during a pandemic?

  1. Bribe the right people to get seats near the source of ventilation.
  2. Wear your flipping mask
  3. Have a badge on saying “I have Asthma, coughing is basically my way of life”**
  4. Bring digging equipment in case of hoards of huggers.
  5. Get a flipping vaccine.
  6. Bring your own coffee. (Use the right cup and it could include whiskey)
  7. Has the set up changed? Bring a pen and paper to help you make a map of where things are.
  8. Bring high-tech listening devices, so if needed you can listen into the service from outside.
  9. Have regular tests to help ensure you’re safe. (No we all know lateral flows aren’t always 100%, but they are better then licking your uncles face to see if he can tell)
  10. If the preacher encourages people to give each other a Holy Kiss. Run.

What would you add to help people survive Church during a pandemic?

*I’m very aware that this paragraph could date badly.

**only do this if you have asthma

A Sermon About Quarantine Camps?

Another interesting sermon from pastor Greg Locke which includes this little nugget of soul joy…

It seems a letter has gone out to local “lawmakers” seeking to calm and disprove this sort of thing, in which it appears there are at least two things wrong with the above:

  1. Greg Locke actually means section 18 not 8…
  2. Hospitals are getting full. They may need to find additional space somewhere. (I guess similar to the Nightingale hospitals in the UK)

Do we need to start factchecking sermons as a matter of principle now?

Is that a sensible process anyway?

Why This Is Important

You know those preachers that preacher rubbish about covid… not even rubbish about God, or The Bible? But rubbish about Covid?

Ever wondered why people get upset about them?

Its because it matters, and people get sick.

Here’s a story.

(The Featured image might be my new favourite go-to Covid image by the way)

The Grand Church Reopening

Feeling welcomed?

So Internet…

With restrictions easing (in England at least), and Churches making plans to open up more, how are we feeling about returning to Church – in person type activies?

What do you reckon? What would a new normal look like anyway?

What to do in an outside Church Service.

In case you missed it. It seems that Churches can now sing outside again. In fact, The Church of England have released a load of information about outside worship is found here.

As singing outside in a crowd could appear different to some, we’ve compiled a list of ideas to remember when hosting an outside Church worship service.

  1. Make sure your dressed for the season. So therefore depending on the season, this could mean winter coat for when the sun is behind a cloud, and shorts / T-shirt for when the sun is out.
  2. A two meter stick. Because you know…
  3. Have multiple garden heaters, because it gets cold.
  4. Ensure the worship leader knows that this isn’t a dry run for early morning worship at the next Church approved Big Christian Conference.
  5. Make sure there is a big sign asking EVERYONE to bring an umbrella, because rain. Particularly important in Manchester.
  6. Don’t expect to go get a pie, pint, or pizza at half time. But MY WORD. That should be a thing in all churches. from now on.
  7. Wonder out loud if church should meet outside more often.
  8. Look after that one person who actually knows all the rules and regulations. Maybe offer them a strong coffee or something stronger to help steady their nerves.
  9. Pretend its Christmas. Bring Mulled Wine.
  10. Or in fact, if you’re meeting in a park, bring cheap cider. Because memories.

Anything we’ve missed out?

How To Do Church This Week

woman having a video call

Its a weekend in Lockdown. For many of us weekends include Church on the Sunday. During a pandemic, the act of going to a church building is far more complicated then ever.

Therefore may I present the Church Sofa List of Ways To Do Church during 2021:

  1. Put it on YouTube.
  2. Put it on YouTube, join in with the comments.
  3. Arrange to watch an online service at the same time as other Christians. Perhaps chat on WhatsApp at the same time.
  4. All gather via on Zoom, chat, pray, read a bible verse, talk about that bible verse.
  5. Give the national C of E “Daily Hope” number a call – 0800 804 8044
  6. Ask if you local church has a number to dial into.
  7. Give someone a call / drop them a message to say hi.
  8. Watch it on Facebook Live, join in with comments, share the video onto your feed?
  9. Live near someone from Church? How about dropping a card / chocolate / cake around?

Any other ideas?