This Week In The Internet – Satanists are now the good guys???

“This week in the internet” – Where The Sofa tries to make sense of some of the random things he’s come across in Christian Internet this week…

What in Gods name is happening in Christianity?

John Cooper (The dude with the beard from Skillet) has posted an amazing response to the few high profile Christian people… who have publicly made some sort of “I’m not a Christian any more type statement.

I’ve been saying for 20 years(and seemed probably quite judgmental to some of my peers) that we are in a dangerous place when the church is looking to 20 year old worship singers as our source of truth. We now have a church culture that learns who God is from singing modern praise songs rather than from the teachings of the Word.

John Cooper

Dealing with Gun issues in America. One Way.

It seems that some Churches in America have been preparing for active shooter situations, according to AP News, by training and arming their Church family:

The anxiety of one mass shooting after another has led some churches to start training and arming their worshippers with guns. Not all security experts support this approach, but it has gained momentum as congregations across the country grapple with how to secure spaces where welcoming strangers is a religious practice.

AP News

Gun Issues… Another Way…

Then there’s this interview with Shane Claiborne

Sadly, Shane has concluded that Christians in the US are more pro death than they are pro life. 

“We like to say that we are pro life,” he observes, “but we have defined that so narrowly in terms of abortion that in the US you can say you are pro life and yet be pro death penalty, pro guns, pro military, anti environment; pretty much pro death on every other issue.”

Christian Today

And thats (possibly) not the most explosive thing he says.

And then there is this…

Then there is this little article from The Guardian that basically argues that American Christianity is looking so bad… Satanists are looking good?

The forces aligned against Satan have become so objectionable that he no longer looks like the bad guy. They include such groups as the Westboro Baptist church, notorious for its hate speech against LGBTQ people, Jews, Muslims and other groups, all of which it condemns as “satanic frauds”. There’s the Trump administration, in league with the US religious right, which has been aggressively pushing anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ legislation, not to mention engaging in overt Islamophobia.

The Guardian

This all part of an article about a Documentary call Hail Satan

Hopefully the Christian Internet will be nicer and more hopeful this week…

What To Pack For A Christian Festival?

Welcome to Christian festival season. The time of year when Church buildings become empty, and fields become full of Christian Festivals taking place. With Christian festivals such as Edgefest, New Wine, Keswick, Greenbelt. and Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from.

But what should you pack to a Christian Festival? What should you try and force into your suitcase? (If anything at all?) Here is the Church Sofa kit list of things to pack for a Christian Festival. (With affiliate links below)

  1. Portable Battery Charger. You know… so you can keep your smart phone charged. Important as how else are you going to read the Bible? (Also helpful for sending tweets to @TheChurchSofa)
  2. Bacon. Bacon is awesome. Be awesome.
  3. Guitar. For leading early morning worship sessions.
  4. Wine. Recently brought. Because what else would you drink?
  5. A Survival skills handbook. Because you never when you may need to show your best “Bear Grylls Skills”.
  6. Fire lighters, in case calling down fire from heaven, doesn’t light your little barbecue.
  7. In case it gets to wet to take out your phone, pack a Waterproof Bible.
  8. A paper map of the festival. Useful for noting down things like secret tunnels,  quiet showers, and people generous with wine.
  9. Water pistols. In case baptisms are needed.
  10. Earplugs. In case your neighbors have also brought a guitar.

What have I missed from the above?

*Perform any of the implied actions above at your risk. Church Sofa doesn’t take any responsibility for most things, not even you ending up in Christian Festival Jail.

Could the next Evangelical Alliance Chief Executive be an Avenger?

Have you heard of the Evangelical Alliance? They are a… alliance of evangelical type people… (Read their about us page if you’re really interested) Basically, the UK branch are looking for a new Chief Executive.

Which brings me nicely onto this tweet…

I cant talk Game of Thrones, but Avengers I can…

So which member of The Avengers, would make a good Evangelical Alliance Chief Executive ? I couldn’t resist giving it a think…

(Yes there are spoilers for Avengers Endgame coming up – I’m NOT messing with you!) Please scroll down past Spoiler Darth to read more…

STOP SCROLLING! THERE BE SPOILERS BELOW!
Last warning of spoilers…

So we’re looking for an Avenger that can…

(Provide) inspirational leadership and helping developing our vision, mission, purpose and strategy, this person will lead the UK’s oldest and largest evangelical unity movement forward.

Read the rest of Job Description on the EA site.

Which Avenger could be the next EA Chief Executive?

Ronin / Clint / Hawkeye

Image result for ronin hawkeye gif

Hear me out here! The guy is a passionate family man, with a do what needs to be done attitude to protect his friends. True, people may have problems with some of his measures, but he will ensure churches / various EA people don’t stray to far away from the EA party line.

Black Widow

Image result for black widow gif
She basically led The Avengers during “The 5 years”
There could be a gentle issue with her being dead though.

Vision

Image result for Vision gif
You want Vision?
This guy is Vision.
But also dead. (At least for now)

Iron Man

Image result for iron man gif
I…. I cant….

Wanda Maximoff

Image result for scarlet witch endgame gif
Because why not?
Would you want to mess with her?
She’s still alive.
She flipping kicks ass.
There is a risk that her Superhero name of Scarlet Witch may prove problematic.

Thor

Image result for thor gif
The sort of Avenger that could be good at it, but would prefer to be off having adventures in space instead? Simply put. He would be awesome, would tick the boxes, but would hand it over as soon as the first ship comes along.
People may get a little upset about the whole “god” thing though.

The Hulk

Image result for professor hulk gif
No not when he’s all “Hulk Smash”, but when he’s Endgame “Professor Hulk”.
The dudes clever, good with kids, and while he hasn’t shown massive leader experience, he’s big and green. I’d listen to him.

Who would you choose?

(With thanks to @DavidSJAustin)

Unfortunate Church Design of The Week…

Somebody. I wish I remember who, once wrote a piece in a publication more highly thought of then The Sofa, that discussed about how powerful Church Marketing is.

I guess they never saw anything like this.

” The elders at my brother-in-law’s church got to design the church league softball shirts. The thought “CLI” (Christian Life International) alone wouldn’t signify a church, so they added the cross. Magnificent. “

There is some discussion over how true this one is, but the original poster seems to come across as consistent in what he’s saying. I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusion.