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10 MORE ways to create trouble in church… but still being biblical about it!

10 MORE ways to create trouble in church… but being biblical about it!

Sometimes, my mind wonders. Once I wondered about “Wouldn’t it be funny if a particular situation happened”. The thing is, there would have to be a biblical basis for the trouble was created?

That led to the post 10 ways to create trouble in church… but being biblical about it! – After some ideas from @DavidSJAustin on Twitter, I wondered if there more ideas for the Biblically minded trouble maker…

If you are still in a trouble making mood, and looking for more ideas – then check out our following list:

  1. Call down fire from Heaven.*
  2. Busy Church service? Make a hole in your Church roof to ensure people can get a good view of the speaker.**
  3. Answer the criticism of Biblically inaccurate Hollywood movies, by putting on a Biblically accurate live drama of, The Song of Songs.
  4. Bring your sleeping bag to Church. (Dropped down through the ceiling).
  5. Have a fig tree in or near the Church grounds? Take a cutting, plant it properly, and bring it to Church. If anyone asks, explain you are trying to redeem it as you’re worried its cursed.
  6. Bring your donkey to Church.***
  7. Share honey with people at Church. If they ask where it came from, tell them you found it in a lion carcass.
  8. Bring your dead granny to Church and ask the vicar to raise her up.
  9. Church leader preaching on Noah? Get the taps running. ****
  10. Cover yourself in cornflakes and ring a bell, shouting “unclean, unclean”.

*You may get some odd looks if you do this.
** Heavy tools may be needed.
*** Could get messy.
**** Remember, Life jackets could be useful if the doors are shut.*****
***** Are these stars getting silly now?

Obviously the sofa takes no responsibility for anything you do as a result of reading this. Ever.

Any one got other ideas?

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Unfortunate Church Design of The Week…

Somebody. I wish I remember who, once wrote a piece in a publication more highly thought of then The Sofa, that discussed about how powerful Church Marketing is.

I guess they never saw anything like this.

The elders at my brother-in-law’s church got to design the church league softball shirts. The thought “CLI” (Christian Life International) alone wouldn’t signify a church, so they added the cross. Magnificent.
” The elders at my brother-in-law’s church got to design the church league softball shirts. The thought “CLI” (Christian Life International) alone wouldn’t signify a church, so they added the cross. Magnificent. “

There is some discussion over how true this one is, but the original poster seems to come across as consistent in what he’s saying. I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusion.

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Weekly Round up of Stuff – The Beer Edition

My Regular feature about random little things I’ve spotted online this week.

Something about Trump being Esther…

No Donald Trump has not had a sex change and started calling himself Esther! Well… I don’t think he has… Anyway, The Christian Broadcast Network has interviewed Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, during which… well…

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said Thursday that it is “possible” that President Trump is meant to save the Jewish people.

He made the comments during an interview in Jerusalem with the Christian Broadcasting Network.

“As a Christian I certainly believe that’s possible,” Pompeo responded when asked whether Trump is a new Esther, who in the Bible convinced the king of Persia not to slaughter the Jewish people. ADVERTISEMENT

The CBN interview falls on Purim, a Jewish holiday that marks Esther’s story.

The CBN hosts in questioning Pompeo referred to Iran as the modern-day threat to the Jewish people. Trump last year withdrew the U.S. from the Iranian nuclear treaty and reimposed sanctions on the country.

thehill.com

Check out the rest at thehill.com. There’s also a video of the interview… but that acted strange for me…

Update… and a video of it on Twitter…

Vicar Complains About Own Church

Alright. Typing Vicar Complains About Own Church isn’t the most earth shattering thing to ever type. This dude complained to the council… (Thanks to Jon W for finding this)

The PERFECT LENT THING!!!

Some people give up stuff for Lent. Stuff like Facebook, swearing, and beer…

Other people take up things for Lent, things like acts of kindness, Bible Readings, and beer…

Wait a minute…

I may start canvassing opinion on if I should drink only beer for Lent next year…

What do you reckon?

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Christian Excuses For Being Late To A Meeting

I’ve commented before, that the Church does seem to get people working as teams very well. That could be the Church setup team, the Church flower team, the preaching team, the welcoming team, the Church team, the list goes on…

And obviously, every now and then, meetings are arranged, which as much as you try… you don’t seem to get to on time.

What good excuses are there for when you’re late to a Church Meeting*? Here is our list:

  1. There were too many heathens driving on the road.
  2. I became too distracted by praying for each individual present here today.
  3. There were too many saints on the road… and they were ALL keeping to the speed limit.
  4. I took Communion with my family before I left, so obviously I had to finish it off. Therefore I had to walk.
  5. I was on my way and started praying… maybe I shouldn’t have closed my eyes whilst driving…
  6. The angels didn’t fly me here quick enough.
  7. I felt led to drive here via a less sensible route.
  8. I couldn’t have got here any faster without running… and you know… Proverbs 28.
  9. I felt led to pray for this meeting before I came. I felt a lot of prayer was needed…
  10. I am not late. I am here exactly when the Holy Spirit meant for me to be here.

Any more you would try?

*All excuses also apply for times when you’re late to Housegroup.

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When you have a new welcomer…

Possible other tricks for Church welcomers could include…

(Affiliate links are below)

  • Electric hand buzzers
  • See how many leaflets, song sheets, notices, and Bibles. (Yes. Plural). Everyone can be given as they arrive. Take bets on who would drop them all first.
  • A Flower Water Squirter… attached to your shirt.
  • Ask someone who has never been to your church before to join the welcoming team that one Sunday. Watch the confusion on the faces on the regulars as they realise they have no idea who this person is.*
  • Spinning Bow Ties
  • Offer everyone a coffee… while its actually an espresso.
  • Try and hide your head in your top… balance this where your head should be.

Any you can suggest?

*Actually I have happy memories of accidentally being involved in something like this.

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When Ikea Meets Church

Personally I quite like this idea*.

You see ikea has short cuts. To get you out quickly. Which in a Church context, could be useful for things like “The Peace”, or giving each other a “Holy Kiss.”

Lets not forget the chocolate.

What else could a Church steal from ikea?

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Do You Need A Christian Calendar?

Do you still need a calendar for 2019?

How about something a little Christian?

What about something a little fun?

What if I told you there was yet another edition of the “Nuns Having Fun Wall Calendar?” (affiliate link)

According to Amazon:

They work hard, they pray hard–and they do it with gusto! Twenty-four sweet photos display the delightful, adventurous, and joyfully unexpected sides of convent life, every month. With sweet, witty captions offered up by Maureen Kelly and Jeffrey Stone, coauthors of the New York Times bestselling Growing Up Catholic. A sister leading an Irish jug: “But Sister Bridget, we’re Polish!” Beaming under an umbrella: “The forecast calls for manna from heaven today.” On a motorbike: “I know a shortcut to the highway to heaven.” And nuns with a heavy string of the day’s catch: “Good things come to those who bait!”

Sounds great for someones wall.

Grab it from Amazon!!!!