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10 Ways To Be Late To A Meeting.

You’re there. Driving fast / cycling like a crazy person / trying not to run… but either way you’re running late to a meeting. It could be Housegroup, a prayer meeting, or some sort of leaders meeting. Whatever the meeting is, you’re running late to it.

You could either arrive late. Or you could arrive late with style. Want to choose the style option? Check out our list of 10 Ways To Be Late To A Meeting:

  1. That short cut you’ve been meaning to try out. See if its really a short cut.
  2. Don’t even acknowledge you’re late. Enough panache and you can leave everyone else wondering whether they were early.
  3. Explain to people you’ve been there all the time, and that you just nipped out to go the loo. Act upset that they didn’t notice you if they show any signs of doubt.
  4. Walk in with some elaborate excuse. Ignore the looks you get when the KFC wrappers fall out your pocket, and pretend they’ve been on the floor all along.
  5. With Pizza / beer / Dohnuts…. (No one will care if you’re late as long as you’re sharing)
  6. Now is the time to turn vigilante! Put on your Batman outfit, and run around the local park telling the local teenagers to go to bed. When you turn up to your meeting battered and bruised, explain you felt called to do some detached youthwork on your way there.
  7. Walk in. Take a seat. When people look at you, just explain that you weren’t late – as you’ve been there in spirit since the start. In fact this could be used if you miss the entire meeting.
  8. Arrive in disguise. (As someone who really shouldn’t be at that meeting)
  9. Knock on the window, asking to be let in. Explain that you wanted to make an entrance. (Bonus points if you’re above the 2nd floor)
  10. Get yourself a wizard outfit, just so you can reenact this:

Any more?

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Lessons from a Church Annual General Meeting in 2013

Inflatable Vicar Priest - Perfect Christmas gift for Churches

Well it’s that time of year again. It’s time for the Church AGM. We’re decided to share the lessons we’ve learnt from this years Annual General Meeting.

This is so, when you next have a Church Annual General Meeting, you can maybe be better prepared.

Therefore please let us present, 10 Lessons from a Church Annual General Meeting in 2013:

  1. Arrive late. This means you get unrestricted access to an unprotected plate of biscuits.
  2. Make a recording of all you hear and see. This means that next year when you look at this years minutes you’ll know if its an “accurate and fair representation” of what you’ve seen.
  3. Don’t forget to pick up supplies beforehand.
  4. Designing PCC top trumps is indeed a good idea.
  5. Phone.The Dominos App. Pizza. Don’t fall for that temptation.
  6. Be ready to practice patience when questions when awkward stuff is mentioned.
  7. Be careful when you decide to cheer.
  8. Bring a water gun for when that “just one more question” is asked.
  9. Be careful not to nod when its asked “Is anyone against?” Unless you mean to.
  10. Don’t count every time you hear a “Mmmmm”, agreement noise. You should be paying more attention that.

Do you know any tips about surviving a Church AGM?

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Church Sofa Half Serious Guide To Church: Annual Church Meeting

Its the time of year again.

The financial year has begun again, and this leads onto the Annual Church Meeting. That time when Churches meet, discuss the year, look at reports, and look at the year ahead.

Now I’m  a believer in the church family having a look at the business end of the church, if nothing else it gives the entire church a chance to catch and hear from areas of life which they may not be involved in… but I believe some precautions are needed.

So we present:

The Church Sofa Guide to Surviving a Church Annual Meeting

  1. Don’t stitch up your mate cos he’ll do it to you
  2. Make sure you go so you’re not volunteered for everything
  3. Plan your escape routes
  4. Bring a book/video game for when they talk about the flower arranging committee and sub committee
  5. Begin every sentence with ‘No’
  6. Vote against everything
  7. Link to the post about swapping shifts along way into the future
  8. When people are giving reports on the year, set them a time limit… with water guns at the ready…
  9. Dont forget the emergency supplies of chocolate
  10. iPhone – need we say anything else?

Any more?

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The #howtosurviveachurchAGM List

So you’re there, at the Church Annual General Meeting, its ten minutes in and you’re already planning your exit strategy… What do you do to escape the meeting… What do you do… The list we came up with:

  1. Gnaw your own legs off, or dig a tunnel…
  2. Arrange for the youthclub to turn up half way through the AGM – pop out to deal with it!
  3. Light the thurible under the smoke detector (be careful with this… the meeting may be postponed until another time)
  4. Volunteer to help count the votes… resist the temptation to tamper with the results (200 Votes for the Church Cat to join the PCC may seem funny, but apparently isn’t acceptable behaviour…)
  5. Create make believe child… that you need to rush out and look after… because your make believe child is crying…
  6. Volunteer your mate sat next to you for things when they’re not paying attention.

With thanks to @Gerrarrdus for joining in the game with some of the above suggestions… just a shame my reception died… Please feel free to tweet or comment any of your suggestions!