Need A Instant Vicar?

Its holiday time. You’ve turned up to church. And you’ve realised there is no vicar to lead the church service. What did the vicar say to you about going on summer holiday this week? Maybe you should have passed that message on…

Nows your chance to be a Super-Church-Hero! Grab your handy Instant Vicar Set, put on your dog collar, and save Sunday by leading the service!

instant vicar set

The Instant Vicar Set is available from Amazon.co.uk

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The Church Sofa 4th Birthday Self Indulgent List of Stuff

church SofaIts our Birthday today. We’ve reached the grand old age of 4, which I believe means we’re mostly cute with random strops when we’re not allowed chocolate biscuits. It also means there is an excuse to post a list of our most popular posts /pages from the last 4 years:

  1. Guide to Raising Hands in Church.
  2. The Church Sofa Guide to Church.
  3. Facebook Christmas Cover Photos.
  4. Introducing “God Baby”.
  5. Christian Chat Up Lines.
  6. Do you need a spare vicar?
  7. Ten Ways to Misbehave at A Christian Festival.
  8. Things Jesus Never Said.
  9. An Open Letter.
  10. 7 Excuses For Not Going to Church.

Thank you for your support over the last 4 years. I’m going to go now and eat some cake…

Married. Dad.

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How to misbehave at a Christian Festival

Well its not just approaching the end of July, its also approaching Christian Festival season. With Festivals like Greenbelt, Momentum, Soul Survivor, Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from. Many of these are great amazing times, and I doubt you’ll get bored at any of them, but you might. If you do, maybe you’ll find some inspiration here for the best way to misbehave at a Christian Festival

  1. Not at all charismatic? Surrounded by very charismatic worshippers? Feel out of place? Offer tea and refreshments to those around you. Obviously ask people to put their hands down if they want any drink.
  2. Start a rumor that Delirious aren’t really coming back together.
  3. Set up a mobile wifi hotspot, with no password. Call the network “Free WiFi For All”. Block access to Facebook and Twitter over it.
  4. Set up a toilet cubical, with big signs so that everyone knows its a toilet cubical. Forget to include the toilet.
  5. Do you snore? Position a megaphone inside your tent, so your snoring sounds are picked up by the megaphone. If people complain, explain how it’s been a problem all your life. Ask for prayer.
  6. Advertise a pop up pub that will appear on the last night of the festival, ensure the advertising mentions the words “Cheap” and “Beer” over and over. Set up a pop up pub, sell beer, dont mention its alcohol free…
  7. Encourage “serventhood” at the festival, by offering free coffees to people around your tent, as the week goes on increase the strength of the coffee. On the last day, switch to decaf.
  8. Dance like David danced during the worship. With the same amount of clothes…
  9. Have a stand up offering to baptise people. When people come to be baptised, use your super soaker to baptise them. Include red food colouring, when they look at you oddly, explain they’ve been baptised in the blood of the lamb.**
  10. Set up a game of laser quest. In and among people during a worship service. Something like this.

* There are loads more obviously, but I’m not going to list them all. Someone just has to be left out at somepoint.

**if you have the money, you could just use lambs blood.***

*** give this a really long think before you do this. It is kinda gross.

Any more suggestions?

For more ideas, check out last years list: Ten Ways to Misbehave at a Christian Festival.

Disclaimer: Do any of these at your own risk, the Sofa takes no responsibility for any trouble that happens to you if you do this, but if you do end up in Christian Festival Jail, please let us know what that’s like.

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10 Christian Insults To Consider.

Sometimes, people get to you. Admit it, they do. Go on, its ok its only you and I here. When people get you, do you ever really want to turn around and tell them to *******!!!!!!! away?

Obviously you don’t say it like that, because you’re a Christian, and Christians dont insult people right?

What if Christians did insult people? What would a Christian insult look like?

Here are ten to consider using at Church on Sunday:

  1. In our fathers house there are many rooms. May you be in the opposite wing to me.
  2. If you were around then, you probably wouldn’t have been the disciple Jesus loved.
  3. You are the Alliance to my Oasis.
  4. You can sit on my left.
  5. Doubting Thomas looks certain next to you.
  6. May you look back at Sodom.
  7. When I look at you, I am reminded that there are things sent to test our faith.
  8. That was done with all the subtlety of Mark Driscoll.
  9. Some people are wheat and others chaff.
  10. Some people are like angels who fell from heaven. You climbed up from the other place right?

Any more?

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Looking for a Christian Gap Year?

exeter, Devon

Are you or someone you know thinking about taking a gap year from September?

How about Ten:10 here in Exeter?

Quoting the Ten:10 website:

John 10:10 “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”

Ten:10 is Exeter YMCA’s year long internship programme. For 2014-2015 we have six internships available. These internships are bespoke, predominately being shaped by the character and interest of each individual intern. However each is an opportunity to put faith into practice and join Exeter YMCA as it seeks to transform young lives.

During the year interns get to serve, love and support local young people, young offenders and some of our most disadvantaged communities through a number of on-going community projects.

Watch the video below to hear why Megan has enjoyed being an intern this year.

Check out the Ten:10 website for more information.

Married. Dad.

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10 Ideas for A Church Fun Day

Family Fun Day Banner

It must be a hard decision at times for a church minister to take a sabbatical. There must be a million and one things to consider. Such as who’s going to preach? Who’s going to visit sick people? Will the church be happy to see them gone, are they likely to go and throw a Fun Day to celebrate?

There are also things for a church to consider when their minister goes on sabbatical. For instance, how should they celebrate their minister going away for a bit?

Some churches in this situation decide to host a “Fun Day”. If your church is also planning a fun day, here are a few ideas to get you started.

  1. Have people ready to ‘pounce’ on new faces!
  2. A really big cake!
  3. Some sort of local food, eg. In Scotland, serve Haggis, in Devon? Serve a cream tea.
  4. Bouncy Castle! Only big enough for one child at a time… or 20 adults bounding on.
  5. Second hand stall, with at least one kinda dodgy DVD.
  6. Different flavours of ice cream with Bible themed names. (Such as “Honey and Locust”)
  7. Connect 7. It’s a more biblical number then 4.
  8. Cage fighting pastors from elsewhere.
  9. Alpha sized smiles on everyone involved.
  10. The PCC / Deacons involved in a series of Gladiator style events…

 

Any ideas we missed?

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

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