Managing Mischief At A Christian Festival

Over the next month and a half there will be various Christian Festivals all around England, that will attract many Christians from all different Churches over the place. With festivals such as Momentum, New Wine, Soul Survivor, Keswick, Greenbelt. and Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from.

As its the Summer Christian Festival Season, it is also time for the annual Church Sofa list of the best ways to create trouble at a Christian Festival… Consider this list in case you get bored or something…

  1. Spend the week “springing” around the festival. When questioned explain that you thought you were at Spring Harvest. (You may only want to actually do this at Spring Harvest*)
  2. Bring supplies of spare wellies** to sell. If its a hot sunny week, spray water over the grounds early in the morning in an attempt to convince people the weather is about to turn nasty.
  3. Greet people you meet with a Holy Kiss.
  4. Set up a stall offering to wash peoples feet. Once done charge them a tenner. If they say no, chase after them with the cheesey feet water.
  5. Run around naked, when challenged explain you are trying to recreate the world before The Fall.
  6. If you’re at Soul Survivor in Somerset, walk around planting “Goodbye” cards into the ground.
  7. “Borrow” a radio from one of the stewards. Begin whispering down the radio whenever they start to look bored. Topic of whispering is up to you.
  8. Make notes about how much more biblical your Christian Festival is compared to others!
  9. Open a stand offering to exchange people’s old wine for “New wine”. Run away before people realise that the “New wine”, is in fact, Ribena.
  10. Bring a megaphone to the festival with you. Early during the first morning, scream into the megaphone, then hide it quickly. When people rush to your tent to ask whats wrong, apologise and explain you just had a nightmare. Explain its been a problem since your tent was flooded one year at a previous Christian Festival. Be warned, you may end up with severe Prayer Ministry if you do this.

Any that you would like to add?

For more ideas, please check out last years list, 10 Ways To Manage Mischief At A Christian Festival.

Disclaimer: Do any of these at your own risk, the Sofa takes no responsibility for any trouble that happens to you if you do this, but if you do end up in Christian Festival Jail, please let us know what that’s like.

*As if you do this anywhere else, people may look at you strangely
** I may have checked the spelling of that a few times.

10 Ways To Manage Mischief At A Christian Festival

10 Ways To Manage Mischief At A Christian Festival

Well with New Wine, Soul Survivor, and Keswick currently taking place, its fair to say we are well into the Summer Christian Festival season. With Festivals like Greenbelt, Momentum, and Creation Fest, there are still plenty to choose from.

As its the Summer Christian Festival Season, it is also time for the annual Church Sofa list of the best ways to create trouble at a Christian Festival… Consider this list in case you get bored or something…

  1. Is it raining? Throw mud on strangers eyes. Explain you’re curing their spiritual blindness.
  2. Arrange for the portable showers to be moved around the site. Take advantage of confusing everyone, by having no queue for your shower.
  3. Walk around the camp site with a sign offering free hugs. Run away from anyone who comes anywhere near you.
  4. Throw water on to people. Shout that its Holy Water – check if your victim if the water is burning.
  5. Late night choir practice.
  6. Walk around the camp site offering a free tent to anyone who has had problems with their tent in the rain. Dont tell people its just one tent, that is shared between anyone who takes you up on your offer. Obviously this should be a two person tent.
  7. Is your festival at a Holiday Camp like Butlins? Make the most of the worship time to sneak to the gambling machines without the guilt of being seen…. If on a camp site, get yourself to the showers.
  8. Walk around with a huge sign offering to judge people for free. I’m curious to see what will happen.
  9. Is the worship leader encouraging you to lift your hands in the air? Sit down instead.
  10. Start a rumor that The World Wide Message Tribe aren’t really coming back together.
  11. Campers near you have bar-b-qs, and other cooking equipment? “Borrow” any and all fire lighting equipment, and then challenge them to pray for fire from heaven.

Any that you would like to add?

For more ideas, please check out last years list, How to misbehave at a Christian Festival.

Disclaimer: Do any of these at your own risk, the Sofa takes no responsibility for any trouble that happens to you if you do this, but if you do end up in Christian Festival Jail, please let us know what that’s like.

The Church Sofa 5th Birthday Self – Indulgent List of Stuff

20131116-231203.jpgIts been 5 years! 5 years since The Church Sofa had its first blog post. I’m not sure what this really means, but I feel we’re ready to go to first school now… Does that mean that Sofa is growing up?

I’ll ponder that for a while, in the mean time, I’ll leave you with the Annual Self – Indulgent List of Stuff… in other words a list of our most popular posts /pages from the last 5 years:

  1. Guide to Raising Hands in Church.
  2. The Church Sofa Guide to Church.
  3. Introducing “God Baby”.
  4. Christian Chat Up Lines.
  5. Ten Christian Insults to Consider
  6. Ten Ways to Misbehave at A Christian Festival.
  7. Do you need a spare vicar?
  8. Things Jesus Never Said.
  9. What Christian Denomination Should You Be Part Of?
  10. How kids disrupt Church Services (A Guide Through The Ages)

Thank you for your support over the last 5 years. I’m going to go and practice behaving like a 5 year old…

Anything you’d want to see more of over the next 5 years?

What price is you and your families spiritual growth?

The other day, I overheard a conversation about Christian festivals in the UK, and how much it costs to go to one in particular. In defence, someone asked the question: “What price is you and your families spiritual growth?

I figured I should do some research to find out, at what price does spiritual growth indeed cost?* (Based on 2 adults and a toddler)

What is the Price of Spiritual Growth?

Now this is all a little approximate, as some of the above festivals do offer cheaper ways to get tickets. Others – particularly towards the more pricey end of the spectrum do also offer a number of more expensive options as well.

I’ve not factored in other costs involved like petrol, food, emotional, alcohol, etc… But all the above does include accommodation for the duration of the festival. 

Its also worth noting that lower cost doesn’t equal lack of “big names”.

Anyone out there fancy taking a stab at what we can learn from all this?

*This is obviously all presuming that spiritual growth does indeed only happen at Christian Festivals.

10 Games To Play At A One Day Christian Conference

You’re there at a One Day Christian Conference.
You could learn something, or you could play a game or two.
If you’re here, you’re probably wanting to play a game… Here’s some game ideas….

  1. Assume a different identity, every time you introduce yourself to someone. Not just a different name, but different accent, different way of walking, different way of smiling, etc…
  2. Stand in the middle of a crowd, shout for “John”. When “John” answers, walk over to him and talk to him like you’ve known him for ever.
  3. When someone is speaking during the conference, try and get from the back to the front of the hall without being seen.
  4. Do the above, whilst humming the Mission Impossible theme.
  5. See how much free stuff you can grab from the merchandise / information stands. Bonus points if you give them someone else’s contact / mailing details.
  6. Sit in the middle of the hall, make sure you hemmed in from all angles, that theres people all around, with no easy way to get in or out. At that point, grab your phone, and order a domino’s pizza.*
  7. Provide a service by arranging a charging station for everyones mobile phones.
  8. Earn money by charging people £1 per battery percent for the above service… dont tell anyone you’re basically plugged into the venues power sockets.
  9. During the morning time, offer to grab people coffee. When you return ask for a tip, if they dont tip… make them WEAR that coffee!!!
  10. Throw on some really tight exercise gear and encourage people to do a 5 minute exercise session with you.

*Bonus points if you order the pizza for the current speaker… and time it so the pizza guy comes in whilst they are speaking.

Any other game ideas?

How to misbehave at a Christian Festival

Well its not just approaching the end of July, its also approaching Christian Festival season. With Festivals like Greenbelt, Momentum, Soul Survivor, Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from. Many of these are great amazing times, and I doubt you’ll get bored at any of them, but you might. If you do, maybe you’ll find some inspiration here for the best way to misbehave at a Christian Festival

  1. Not at all charismatic? Surrounded by very charismatic worshippers? Feel out of place? Offer tea and refreshments to those around you. Obviously ask people to put their hands down if they want any drink.
  2. Start a rumor that Delirious aren’t really coming back together.
  3. Set up a mobile wifi hotspot, with no password. Call the network “Free WiFi For All”. Block access to Facebook and Twitter over it.
  4. Set up a toilet cubical, with big signs so that everyone knows its a toilet cubical. Forget to include the toilet.
  5. Do you snore? Position a megaphone inside your tent, so your snoring sounds are picked up by the megaphone. If people complain, explain how it’s been a problem all your life. Ask for prayer.
  6. Advertise a pop up pub that will appear on the last night of the festival, ensure the advertising mentions the words “Cheap” and “Beer” over and over. Set up a pop up pub, sell beer, dont mention its alcohol free…
  7. Encourage “serventhood” at the festival, by offering free coffees to people around your tent, as the week goes on increase the strength of the coffee. On the last day, switch to decaf.
  8. Dance like David danced during the worship. With the same amount of clothes…
  9. Have a stand up offering to baptise people. When people come to be baptised, use your super soaker to baptise them. Include red food colouring, when they look at you oddly, explain they’ve been baptised in the blood of the lamb.**
  10. Set up a game of laser quest. In and among people during a worship service. Something like this.

* There are loads more obviously, but I’m not going to list them all. Someone just has to be left out at somepoint.

**if you have the money, you could just use lambs blood.***

*** give this a really long think before you do this. It is kinda gross.

Any more suggestions?

For more ideas, check out last years list: Ten Ways to Misbehave at a Christian Festival.

Disclaimer: Do any of these at your own risk, the Sofa takes no responsibility for any trouble that happens to you if you do this, but if you do end up in Christian Festival Jail, please let us know what that’s like.

Ten Ways to Misbehave at a Christian Festival

Still due to go to a Christian Festival this year? Maybe Momentum? Greenbelt? I doubt you will get bored, but you might. If you do, maybe you’ll find some inspiration here for the best way to misbehave at a Christian Festival *:

  1. Play basketball in inappropriate places. Like the Market Place.
  2. Bring old wine to New Wine.
  3. Run round Soul Survivor in late 90s clothing. Ask people when The World Wide Message Tribe are playing.
  4. Hang an out of order sign on a shower cubicle. Watch peoples faces as you walk past the shower queue into your waiting shower the next morning.
  5. Going to New Day? Ask which day of the festival is THE new day.
  6. Go to Soul Survivor dressed up ready for a game of paint ball. Spend the week going up to people asking if they fancy a game of “Sole Survivor”
  7. Camp site + acoustic guitar – tune + late at night = you.
  8. Going to Greenbelt? Dress up as a ninja… Spend the whole time asking people if they are THE Greenbelt. If they say yes, call them master and do anything they say.
  9. Pick up a cheap alarm clock. Set it to go really early. Leave it outside the guitar players tent.
  10. Get a crowd organised, and have an early morning worship gathering among the other tents. Have a few people cooking up some bacon ready to offer a bacon sarnie to any one the comes out their tent looking annoyed. Count the amount of people that stay annoyed at the wake up call, verses the amount of people who act blessed by the bacon. If there are more “blessed people”… try it again the next morning.

Please let us know if you try any of these!

Any more you’d suggest?

*Obviously any of this may really annoy people. Be careful of your audience. Play nice. We accept no responsibility if you get hit!