I’ll leave you to decide if this is based on a true story…
Welcome to the school holidays! If you don’t have kids, this probably means an easier journey to work, if you do this probably means you, or someone else needs to come up with ways to stop the little darlings from watching nothing but Cbeebies all day long.
But what can be done to entertain young Christian families throughout the holidays? Well Sofa is here to help*.
Here is our list of ways to keep Christian families entertained during the school holidays…
- Compile a list of all the local holiday clubs. GET TO ALL OF THEM.
- Learn a Bible verse a day.
- Colour in pencil drawings of crosses.
- Picnics! AKA portable communions…
- Go on a family pilgrimage. (Possibly to the local cheap family friendly pub)
- Take all your toilet rolls and try recreating the Tower of Babel.
- Encourage the smalls ones to make a joyful noise! Joyful… may mean screaming…
- Build a castle out of left over Bible study notes.
- Is it raining outside? Time to encourage baptisms in the puddles.
- When all else fails… 80s Christians movies on Youtube? (On second thoughts dont do that. Some of them are quite scary!)
Any other ideas you would like to add?
*Obviously “help” is a subjective concept…
Have you ever struggled to get yourself to church on time? If you have children, you’ll know that the struggle to get children AND adults to church on time, has its own challenges*. Now admittedly we only have Little Sofa, so perhaps this speaks of our own organisation, but I figured it would be interesting to note down our typical timeline of events before we leave for church on a Sunday morning.
The minutes before we need to leave, are in bold…
65 minutes : Everyone goes to get clothes on.
60 minutes: Little Sofa successfully lobbies for a bath.
55 : Upon being told that bath is ready, Little Sofa proceeds to play statues.
50 : Little Sofa is put into the bath.
30 : Negotiations begin over who washes whose hair.
20: Hair washed. Little Sofa thrown into clothes.
15: Negotiations over different clothing begin.
10: Daddy challenges Little Sofa over who can get ready first. Little Sofa shouts “Me!”
9 minutes, 50 seconds. : Daddy checks twitter.
9 minutes, 49 seconds : Little Sofa declares that she is ready, and yes. Indeed. She also has shoes on.
8 minutes : Daddy falls downstairs, he finds Little Sofa was joking and is in fact just finishing getting clothes on.
5 minutes : The Game Of Statues restarts.
3 minutes: There is a shout “I’m already! I got my shoes on before you!”. She is in fact, next to the front door, with shoes on. Where as, Daddy doesn’t have shoes on. Or socks for that matter.
Time to go!!!!: There is a shout of “Can I bring all my babies” *proceeds to go upstairs to bring, all her babies**
5 minutes late : ALL THE BABIES ARE IN THE CAR. Once the car is parked up, there is a request of… “I want to bring all the babies… they might cry if I leave them in the car!”
Negotiations begin over which babies should stay in the car.
*Obviously some families manage to get everyone of their huge family to church on time. Every weekend. Fresh faced, and smiling. These people are obviously on a heavenly fast track, as examples of pure Godly organisation.
** Dolls. Not babies. I repeat. They are really dolls. Lots and lots of dolls.
Long time readers of The Sofa will know of my daughter, “Little Sofa”. I don’t mention her often as this place is often about silly church things… not little person things.
Now, if you don’t have kids yourself, they seem to hate the concept of going to relax in a bed and gently going to sleep for the night. (It’s like they believe that they’ll miss out on all the fun if they sleep.)
Normally kids employ tactics to stay up like, running, dancing, needing a wee, and going to the toilet.
Lately I’ve noticed that Little Sofa occasionally tries a different technique to avoid going to sleep… She starts talking about church things… and well I guess we’re never sure how much we should tell her to go to sleep if she’s asking questions about Jesus?
Anyway here’s a collection of Christian style techniques she has employed to stay awake. (Some of which I may have made up):
- Opens up and explains what they did at Sunday school / holiday club.
- Asks questions about diversity within the human race, and why we’re created differently.
- Asks about the people out in the lions den.
- “Did Jesus go to school?”
- Test parents about deep theological matters.
- Starts writing practice. Writing Bible verses.
- Insists on a really long prayer.
- Sings a long forgotten song from Holiday Club, really nicely, with cute dialed up to 12.
- “How does God know our name?”
- Complains about a dream during which they are chased by a really big blue book.
Any more you can offer?