Tips To Survive Church During A Pandemic

grayscale photography of hands waving

Well happy days, life is returning to normal. Pubs are serving at the bar, we can lick each others faces in nightclubs, and we can rock on back to Church*.

Even with things coming back to (some sort of) normal, there is still a pandemic happening. What do we suggest doing at Church, to help survive Church during a pandemic?

  1. Bribe the right people to get seats near the source of ventilation.
  2. Wear your flipping mask
  3. Have a badge on saying “I have Asthma, coughing is basically my way of life”**
  4. Bring digging equipment in case of hoards of huggers.
  5. Get a flipping vaccine.
  6. Bring your own coffee. (Use the right cup and it could include whiskey)
  7. Has the set up changed? Bring a pen and paper to help you make a map of where things are.
  8. Bring high-tech listening devices, so if needed you can listen into the service from outside.
  9. Have regular tests to help ensure you’re safe. (No we all know lateral flows aren’t always 100%, but they are better then licking your uncles face to see if he can tell)
  10. If the preacher encourages people to give each other a Holy Kiss. Run.

What would you add to help people survive Church during a pandemic?

*I’m very aware that this paragraph could date badly.

**only do this if you have asthma