What To Look For In A New Church

Are you considering going to a new Church? Is there somewhere you have your eye on? A Church you’ve been pondering? Before you go along, there may be a few things you might want to look out for, possibly even before you find yourself in a hall with them. Be warned we recommend some sort of binocular/ disguise set up, so you can properly scope the church out before you go, “for the first time”.

  1. Make a note of how people dress, subtly draw pictures of them if needs be. Besides you don’t want to rock up in suit and tie, just to be told “we don’t do that here”.
  2. On the above subject, ensure they wear clothes. I imagine going to a naked church is something you want to do on purpose, as opposed to accidentally going to a naked church.
  3. Is the communion wine alcoholic or basically ribena? Important incase of ribena hatred.
  4. How much incense is used? Do you need to bring an inhaler? (Obviously only applies if you’re asthmatic).
  5. Double check how people pray. If there is stomach punching involved, you may want to wear padding.
  6. Do they make new people stand up and introduce themselves? If so, be glad you’re watching this through a pair of binoculars.
  7. Is it a drinks before or after type church? And are the drinks alcoholic? If so, is there a car park to leave your car behind?
  8. Is offering each other a “Holy Kiss” a thing at this church? If so… run.

Anything you would add to the above list?

The Big 2019 Church Sofa List of Favourite Things

As 2019 crashes to an end, I’m going to carry on a tredition (that has only happened for a year so far), and share some bits and pieces I’ve enjoyed seeing / reading / listening to over the last 12 months. They’ve all particularly inspired, or at least held my attention in some way.

There will also be Church Sofa highlights thrown in there as well.

There may well be affiliate links thrown in to the mix, but if you dont know any of the below I’d encourage you to check it all out.

Some of my favourite books from this year:

Church Sofa Guide.

One of the interesting things of running a blog, is seeing the random stuff that people search for… which leads to your site.

One of them was “should you bring biscuits when visiting a vicar?” – which in turn led to the post entitled – Should You Bring Biscuits When Visiting A Vicar?

My Favourite Movies of 2019

  • Avengers – Endgame. Because, Endgame was always going to be the top of my list.
  • Star Wars – The Rise of Skywalker
  • Lego Movie Part 2 – Due to the “Two thumbs up it received from Little Sofa”
  • Frozen 2… Because. Why not?

Favourite Work Mug of 2019.

Ok I admit it. Its not a mug I have, nor do I really need a work mug. But if I was to have work mug, it would have to be this one.

My Favourite Songs of 2019

  • I
  • Refuse
  • To
  • Say
  • Into the Unknown from the Frozen 2 soundtrack – but its all I can think of right now.

Favourite Church Notice Board

Hopefully this will be a moto for everyone in 2020.

Hopefully.

The further parenting problems of Mary

Makes me wonder what other issues Mary May had come across?

  • “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” – that’s a lot of stress to put on a young mum…
  • Bet the swimming lessons weren’t great.
  • You know how teenagers do the whole underage age drinking thing? On the surface of things he must have drank a lot of water…
  • How the heck do you discipline the Son of God?

Anything else to include?

The Christmas Parenting Woes of Joseph

It occured to me the other day, normally when you see Mary and Joseph in a stable, they seem to be smiling. Whilst I know that a birth of a baby is meant to be a happy occasion, I’m fairly sure Joseph was already having his own series of parenting woes. After all, all parents have them, but I wondered what sort of issues Joseph had as a parent…

  1. Busy wondering if the animals had been fed recently.
  2. Why are all these guys rocking up?That smell? Baby or livestock?
  3. “Yes I know I didn’t book ahead – sorry dear”
  4. When people comment about how the little one looks like his mother.
  5. Those moments he compared himself to the other father.
  6. Dealing with a little drummer boy.
  7. Getting shouted at by Mary for spending “just 5 minutes” in the inn.
  8. The pressure of having to entertain three kings at once.
  9. Being slightly worried that the animals may get confused over the whole baby in a manger thing.

I guess I’m thankful we didn’t have to put up with a little drummer boy randomly showing when Little Sofa was born.

How Christians Can Evangelise on Halloween

10 Ways Christians Can Evangelize on Halloween

Tis the season when the nights get longer, days get colder, and the Halloween decorations come out for the scare. Not wanting to question if Christians should “do Halloween” or not, I’m gonna ask how Christians can evangelise on Halloween? Here are 10 ideas…

  1. Dress up as The Holy Ghost.
  2. Jesus said I am The Light of The World. Throw lights, candles, torches, at passing trick or treaters.
  3. Have a bucket of Holy Water. Throw it at any passing vampires.
  4. Carve a really long evangelistic message in a pumpkin.
  5. Dress up as Jesus. Bring any passing zombies back to life.
  6. Any adults at the door helping kids trick or treating? Give them a cup of water, challenge them to ask any passing Jesus to convert it to wine.
  7. Play “The Passion of The Christ” on a big screen outside your house. Its The Passion. You don’t need to explain it to anyone…*
  8. Act out Abraham and Isaac in your front garden**.
  9. Dress up as a giant blue song book, chase people around singing at them.
  10. Have a friend dress up, run along and “die” in the middle of a crowd. Then Jesus comes alongs and sorts him out. (Friend DOES NOT pretend to be a zombie at this point).

*No. Don’t do this. Really don’t do this. You’ll get in trouble, and traumatize people!
** Probably best you don’t do this either.

What would you add?

Missing The Christian Festival Vibe?

Are you recently home from a Christian Festival? Missing it? Are you missing not just the people, the worship, the Bible teaching, but are you missing the whole vibe of being there?

Here are the Church Sofa 10 tips to recreate the Christian Festival Vibe in your life.

  1. Don’t Shower.
  2. Hang around outside playing an acoustic guitar. At 11:30pm.
  3. Have bare feet while visiting your local Christian bookshop. Better if they are muddy.
  4. Always use the outside toilet. Don’t have one? Improvise.
  5. Insist on paying money for the after church coffee.
  6. Get rid of your old wine*. Only drink New Wine.
  7. Volunteer for the sound team at church, adjust the worship teams volume up to 11.
  8. Have a garden? Get your tent out – that’s your new bedroom.  (Also see point 2) 
  9. Don’t shower before Church. Muddy bare feet are again a bonus. 
  10. Expect miracles.

*Contact Sofa for information on how to remove your old wine. 

Summer Holiday Activities For Christian Kids

(Or to give this post it’s full title, “Summer Holiday Activities For Christian Parents to entertain Christian Kids” *)

Well, we’re deep into the Summer Holidays now! Its time for the initial excitement to die down, and the feeling of a “never ending” holiday to set in. Are you a Christian parent running out of ideas for things to do? Here’s our list of Summer holiday activities for Christian kids…

  1. Look up all the details of all the Church Holiday Club, go to all of them.
  2. Enlist help from the kid in building a wooden chapel in your garden.
  3. Barbecue. But pray for Heavenly Fire to rain down and light it.
  4. Build some Jesus Lego. 
  5. Paint the above chapel.
  6. Pray for patience. Then go to a soft play. 
  7. Practice acting skills by acting Bible Stories. Acting out “Danial and The Lions Den” while visiting the Zoo is a possible choice.
  8. Take a family pilgrimage to the nearest Christian Festival. Or pub. Whichever is nearest. 
  9. If in England, build a full sized Noahs Ark in the garden. Actually any sized boat could be helpful during the August storms.
  10. Act out Bible scenes**…

*The obvious alternative title being “Good Luck”

** Probably also best you don’t act out Abraham and Isaac…

The Christian Festival Emergency Kit of Stuff.

Packing for a Christian Festival - The Emergency Kit

Every now and then, the Sofa writes something that gets out of date. A few days ago, Sofa published a (possibly*) useful list of things to pack for a Christian Festival. Since then the weather has turned a little more apocalyptic…

So. In honour of the current apocalypse raging in the clouds above, here is the the Church Sofa Christian Festival Emergency Kit of Stuff. (Affiliate links be below)

Obviously if you’re struggling to enjoy being somewhere due to the weather at the moment… hopefully this will get some sort of smile…

Not Noahs Ark.

You dont need Noahs Ark! This is the boat you need! It will fit in your car, and you can use it to get to the showers! Grab it now from Amazon!

Wellies!

The perfect kit to cook breakfast in! (But please also wear other items if outside your tent).

Find these pink sparkly numbers here.

Bring A Waterproof Bible

Is it gonna be wet?

Like to read your Bible outside? Or… in a puddle?

Try A Waterproof Bible?

For when the Sun comes out…

Keep covered from the sun with Jesus… on the cross.

Probably best saved for Easter?

Amazon Link.

Something for the Dark?

Make sure you bring a torch!

Anything else that should be included?

*Or possibly not.