Earlier today, Sofa found himself caught in a conversation about how exciting Church… doesn’t always come across as. So this evening after work, a couple of us took a quick survey of the people we could randomly find, and asked them “How would you make church more exciting?”. These are the top ten answers we got:
In door fireworks… At any given moment
Britain’s got talent style buzzers used during the sermon. Give one to every member of the congregation.
If the preacher goes over the allocated time slot… Paint ball guns…
Mute button on the worship leader for when he / she goes off on one.
The Bible reading as a dramatic 4d experience.
A gunge tank… Because they’re not used enough these days…
Certain pews are connected to a surprise underground rollercoaster. Perfect seats for visitors / Bishops just popping to say hi.
The team in charge of song lyrics on screens / handouts subtly change a few lyrics here and there. Watch and see what happens.
After the service ends – organise fort building challenges using the pews / chairs / leadership team – to help build community.
Welcome to the school holidays! If you don’t have kids, this probably means an easier journey to work, if you do this probably means you, or someone else needs to come up with ways to stop the little darlings from watching nothing but Cbeebies all day long.
But what can be done to entertain young Christian families throughout the holidays? Well Sofa is here to help*.
Here is our list of ways to keep Christian families entertained during the school holidays…
Compile a list of all the local holiday clubs. GET TO ALL OF THEM.
Learn a Bible verse a day.
Colour in pencil drawings of crosses.
Picnics! AKA portable communions…
Go on a family pilgrimage. (Possibly to the local cheap family friendly pub)
Take all your toilet rolls and try recreating the Tower of Babel.
Encourage the smalls ones to make a joyful noise! Joyful… may mean screaming…
Build a castle out of left over Bible study notes.
Is it raining outside? Time to encourage baptisms in the puddles.
When all else fails… 80s Christians movies on Youtube? (On second thoughts dont do that. Some of them are quite scary!)
A while back, Sofa had the rare chance to find himself at a 100th birthday celebration. As is how my mind works, I wondered. What if there was a Christian way for celebrating each one of those 100 birthdays?
I couldn’t find 100 ways so I’d like to present the, Not A 100 Ways To Celebrate a Christian Birthday…. (Affiliate links are below)
Give the birthday boy / girl a new Bible.
Give socks with holes in.
Bless them with cake.
Supply some Communion Wine for the birthday meal.
Take them on a tour around interesting local churches.
Bless them by sharing the cake.
Bless them with a Holy Spirit.
Give them a Holy Kiss.
Church Crawl at Communion time.
Throw them in some water. Call it a baptism.
Create a lego model of them dressed up as a minister.
Are you soon to be expecting a beautiful new bouncing baby / daughter / addition to your life? Having a new addition to the family involves a number of important choices, such as choosing pushing chairs, toys, and names. Its choosing a name for your new baby, which can really become a sticking point… Have you considered a Biblical name for your baby?
To help. Here’s our Big List of Biblical Baby Names*
Lois (Named after either a DC comics character, or Timothy’s Gran)
Mo. (Short for Moses)
Del (Short for Delilah – perfect if from a hair dressing family)
Zurishaddai (It would be fairly unique, and a challenge to school teachers taking the register)
Sam (Short for Samson. Keep them away from anyone called Del)
Mat. (Short for Matthias)
Jude / Judith. (Named after Judas Iscariot)
Luc. (Short for Lucifer)
Lot. (His future wife will have lots of fun.)
Andy. (Short for Andrew. Its a good name)
Are there any you think should be included? Obviously… the more interesting the better!
Christian festivals are great. Loads of stuff happening, from great speakers, and great people, to great bands, and tolerable food.
Loads of stuff happening, all the time. But what if you’re someone whose attention gets distracted at the best of times.
What if you find yourself wanting something a little different to do?* Here are ten ideas of alternative activities that can be done at a Christian festival.
Say “Amen” with every point that the speaker makes. Get gradually louder as the talk progresses. Encourage others around you to join. See how loud you can all get. **
If attending any Soul Survivor festival, dress like your attending a funeral. All week. And everytime some says “Soul Survivor”, you whisper”Long may it Rest in Peace”.
Are you attending Creation Fest? Set up a stall saying, “Cream First. Change my mind”
Facebook friend EVERYONE YOU MEET!!! Show you’re an awesome Christian by tagging them in inspirational Bible verse images.
Once an hour.
See anyone eating bread? Offer them a glass of red wine. So they can eat like Jesus ate.***
Start a rumour that the rumour about Delirious having a reunion show at the festival is simply a rumour. See what happens.
If stuck in a heatwave. Play “Rain Down” really loudly, on an old guitar. Explain that you’re praying for the rain to come.
See anyone drinking wine? Ask if you can share their communion.
Live stream your whole festival experience on Facebook Live. ALL of it. Let me know what happens.
Apologise for the late night guitar playing, by serving really strong decaff coffee every morning to the tents around you. Serve proper stuff in the evenings.
Any more you think that should be added?
* Please be careful. The Church Sofa takes no responsibility if you end up in Christian festival jail… or actual jail… or where ever…
**Be careful. This may lead to accidental reports of Revival breaking out. Due to you messing around.
On second thoughts. That could be quite funny.
*** MIght get expensive.
Obstacle course!! Particularly good if there are bits that people may fall down.
Storage space for outside equipment. Just chuck it on the roof!
Sponsored tent making competition. Aim to create the best temporary church roof, that way you’re encouraging people to give money for the new roof, while coming up with a short term solution!
Roof Top Garden. Charge people to plant anything in your roof.
Weather reporting platform. Hire it to your local TV station for local weather forecasts.
Outdoor drama stage hire. Perfect for performances of the passion around Easter time.
Stage for local bands. Something like this?
What other ideas do you have?
*The Church Sofa takes no responsibility for people falling off / through / into the roof. Any injuries what so ever. Any police arresting you or anyone for any of the above. In fact. The Church Sofa takes no responsibility, for anything.
(People I work with / Mrs Sofa – Please don’t feel the need to agree with the above paragraph!)
In case you missed it. There is apparently an Apocalypse planned to take place fairly soon. Depending your choice of news outlet / personal religious teaching / worldview / blog, will impact on if you think this is The Apocalypse / An Apocalypse / The Rapture, or indeed, another day.
Well JUST IN CASE something does happen, here’s what The Sofa suggests having on your person just in case…
Spray Paint. Perfect for spray painting Bible verses over walls, trains, abandoned shops etc.
Clothing. Just in case of sudden air raising, make sure when an apocalypse is planned, to wear clothes at ALL TIMES. (Indeed, clothing is generally a good thing to wear in general anyway).
Plenty of Prescription Meds. If you need prescription meds that is, because well if you don’t then this would be a little naughty.
Running shoes. In case of Zombie Apocalypse.
A copy of the Left Behind series of novels. To act as a guide / hindrance depending how accurate they are.
Bomb Proof Bible.
Holy Water. Because, well you never know.
A Torch. Because light, is good at dealing with dark.
The AntiChrist Detector. Looking like something out of Doctor Who, when you point it at people, it will go “Ding” if it detects AntiChrist. Sadly it would probably act like it came from Doctor Who and go “ding” a little too often.
What else would you suggest that people have on them?