How Christians Spend The Extra Hour

Surprise! We have another hour of 2020 to live through. With the clocks going back we all have the gift of time, so, what are we going to do with that gift?

What are you going to do with that extra hour? Here are a few Christian responses to the clock change.

  1. Think about praying and reading the Bible.
  2. Make that bacon sandwich you’ve been meaning to make before church actually starts.
  3. Work on that outside chapel you’ve been planning.
  4. Go for a run. (Just kidding.)
  5. Scroll through Facebook. Plan to pray for the people you see.
  6. Read a book about how to manage your time well.
  7. Realise that the Bible talks about rest in a positive way, and stay in bed. (To those parents out there, I’m sorry).
  8. Drink coffee, stare into space whilst contemplating life. For an hour. Rock back and forth a little.
  9. Rock up early to in person church, when quizzed, reassure people that you are just more Holy then them. (Don’t do this if you’re joining on line. Just. Don’t)
  10. Eat a mince pie for Breakfast. Tweet about it.
  11. Hide in bed. Write a silly blog post. (That, with an ounce of planning, would have meant said blog post would have been released on Friday).

What would you add?

Autocorrected Hymns

Autocorrected Church Hymns. When Church Hymns meet Autocorrect

Imagine, somewhere out there, someone is typing up some hymns to be sung at Church. The Sofa family once used Microsoft Publisher for this, and occasionally… mistakes were made. (Don’t worry, someone in the church family lovingly pointed it out)

What if, someone typed up church songs and hymns, while depending on autocorrect?What would autocorrected church hymns look like? (Or at least the chorus anyway…)

Amazing Grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wrench like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see

O lord my god
When I in awesome wonderful
Consider all the people they’re hands have made
I see the attached
I hear the rolling thunder
They’re power throughout the universal displayed

Holler holler holler
lord god almighty
Early in the morning our song shall raise to thee
Holler holler holler
Mercifully and mighty
God in three persons,
Blessings trinity

Blessings for the lord
Oh my days oh my gosh
Worship his holy Bible
Sing like never beforehand, o my soul
I’ll worship your holy name

Yesterday, today’s, and foreign?
You are the same, you never change,
Yesterday, today’s, and foreign?
You are faithful, cor well trusting you.

Be thought my vision
O lord of my hearts
Naughty be all else to me, save that thou artist
Thought my best though by day or by nights
Waking it sleeping
Thy presences my Lightyear

With thanks to unlocking the bible for hosting plenty of lyrics.

10 Things to do With Old Bible Study Notes

Can I talk Bible Studies for one moment? Or at least Bible Study notes? It feels like a product of another time, but our Church went through a time when we were all given bible study booklets for each new study we did in homegroups.

We have built a little collection of Bible study notes over the years, and have had a conversation about what to do with them.

Here’s the list of ideas that we’ve not agreed on.

  1. Build a fort
  2. Create a sheltered passage way to church*.
  3. Build an army of paper plans.
  4. Write down your answers, go back and look at them in a years time. Get hung up on how you got to that answer.
  5. Cut them up and use them as wrapping paper this Christmas.
  6. Use them as conversation starters with your church leader.
  7. Give them as gifts to your neighbours.**
  8. Keep them long enough for your Church to use them again. Use previous notes to appear really clever and that you know what you’re talking about.
  9. Do you host the bible study at home? (You know… when Coronavirus isn’t a thing). Do you need to do some decorating? Are you after some wrapping paper? You know what to do…
  10. Roll them all up, and tape them together. Creating some sort of scriptural flavoured social distancing enforcer bat. 

Any other ideas I should add?

*For when it’s safe and sensible to go back obviously…

** I didn’t say these would make you popular.

Should I go to that Church Thing? (The September update)

Back when this Covid thing first started, Sofa tried to be helpful, and created a flowchart for people to follow to help decide if they should go to a church thing or not. (This was back when Church things were a… thing*).

So… I figured I would try an “updated version”.

It may have ran out of my control a little bit…

*For whats its worth, a lot of others things were also a “thing” back then! (EG. Pints inside, eating out… and warm…, questionable hand hygiene etc)

10 Games During an Online Christian Conference

Let’s face it. Everything is online these days, you don’t need me to tell you why, we all know the reason why. We know everything is online now, from church services to conferences and training. So how do you have fun at these things, when you are socially distanced away from your partner in crime?

May we share some ideas with our 10 Games During an Online Christian Conference.

  1. If you’re on a zoom call, what’s the weirdest book you can have in the background? Yet, still very biblical? For example, is there anything about “Song of Songs” you could put up there?
  2. WhatsApp messages to a friend see if you can make them laugh on the call.
  3. Do you know the number of the person presenting? See if their phone is on silent?
  4. If on camera, try and write a secret message involving notes pinned to the wall behind you.
  5. How much do your pyjamas look like normal clothes? See what other people think.
  6. Test yourself. How much coffee can you drink before the first break.
  7. On a zoom chat? Try and set it so your camera displays a static image of you. Pretend you’re having technical difficulties.
  8. Be kind to the person presenting, and deliver a gift to their home. Bonus points if you can manage it, whilst they are presenting. (Only works if you know the person, and they are presenting from home – or its just weird)
  9. If there’s a group chat, see how many people you can encourage to start using bizarre phrases within the chat. Use phrases like “hedge of protection” or “pivot” like they are normal, and see who else catches on.
  10. Can you get away with going to the toilet? (Top tip. THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO VIDEO CALLS.)

Are there any I’ve missed out? For example, could there be a way to brainwash Shine Jesus Shine into people’s heads?

What Has The Church Been Up To?

If you’re somewhere on Christian Twitter, you may well have seen this…

To say that Sofa disagree’s with the spirit of the above, is putting it mildly, so, in the spirit of The Sofa, here is The Church Sofa list of what the Church has been up to during Lockdown?

  1. Working with new partners to give out food parcels.
  2. Giving out food parcels to retirement homes in the community.
  3. Foodbanks.
  4. Online worship.
  5. Online prayer meetings.
  6. Setting up sermons via phones.
  7. Dropping sermon DVDs to people.
  8. Supporting the bereaved.
  9. Running services on local BBC radio.

Thats at the top of my head.

Please feel free to add something either you’ve been involved with / heard about / your church has been doing below!

What Crazy Biblical Thing Is Going To Happen Next?

Lets face it. When History student study the 2020, its going to be a chapter that is compared with Biblical events. With massive fires, near world wars, and an actual-still-on-going-plague, people mustn’t be blamed if they are wondering “whats next?”

Well.

Spin the wheel.

Find out what crazy biblical thing is going to happen next…

Enjoy..?

8 Steps to Recreate Church At Home

So. Lockdown then? From a medical stand point, its great. Great for keeping people apart, great for slowly the spread of a virus from a person to another. Not great for Churches to be open on a Sunday.

To help with Sunday mornings being a “No Church” time, here are a number of ideas to help recreate the church ambience whilst you’re at home.

  1. While watching the online service, sit relative to where you might normally sit on a “normal” Sunday morning. For example, if you normally sit at the front, sit right in front of the screen. If you’re at the back at Church, at the back of your room. If you spend Sunday mornings in the toilet…
  2. Make a lot…. of coffee. Drink it cold.
  3. Squash. Weak.
  4. If you’re of a higher church taste, get that incense stick going! (Close the windows whislt you’re at it)
  5. Make random conversation with the people you’re living with. Obviously act like you’ve not really seen each other for a week.
  6. Sing loud and out of tune during any worship songs.
  7. Remember to send a message to someone you’ve not heard from in a while to say hello.
  8. Make a note reminding yourself that loving your neighbour may include a few things being a weird for a while.

Anything else you can suggest?

Getting Ready For Online Church: A Checklist

Its Sunday. And yes. There is still a pandemic going on. Yes Church is a bit weird.

Sorry. I mean, Church is weirder than normal.

So how do you get ready for Church, when things are all a bit… pandemic?

Check out The Church Sofa Checklist, to help you get ready for Church.

Do you have any to add?

(If – by any chance – you’re reading this after 15th June, and you’re going to physical church. Don’t forget to put clothes on)