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What Has The Church Been Up To?

If you’re somewhere on Christian Twitter, you may well have seen this…

To say that Sofa disagree’s with the spirit of the above, is putting it mildly, so, in the spirit of The Sofa, here is The Church Sofa list of what the Church has been up to during Lockdown?

  1. Working with new partners to give out food parcels.
  2. Giving out food parcels to retirement homes in the community.
  3. Foodbanks.
  4. Online worship.
  5. Online prayer meetings.
  6. Setting up sermons via phones.
  7. Dropping sermon DVDs to people.
  8. Supporting the bereaved.
  9. Running services on local BBC radio.

Thats at the top of my head.

Please feel free to add something either you’ve been involved with / heard about / your church has been doing below!

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What Crazy Biblical Thing Is Going To Happen Next?

Lets face it. When History student study the 2020, its going to be a chapter that is compared with Biblical events. With massive fires, near world wars, and an actual-still-on-going-plague, people mustn’t be blamed if they are wondering “whats next?”

Well.

Spin the wheel.

Find out what crazy biblical thing is going to happen next…

Enjoy..?

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8 Steps to Recreate Church At Home

So. Lockdown then? From a medical stand point, its great. Great for keeping people apart, great for slowly the spread of a virus from a person to another. Not great for Churches to be open on a Sunday.

To help with Sunday mornings being a “No Church” time, here are a number of ideas to help recreate the church ambience whilst you’re at home.

  1. While watching the online service, sit relative to where you might normally sit on a “normal” Sunday morning. For example, if you normally sit at the front, sit right in front of the screen. If you’re at the back at Church, at the back of your room. If you spend Sunday mornings in the toilet…
  2. Make a lot…. of coffee. Drink it cold.
  3. Squash. Weak.
  4. If you’re of a higher church taste, get that incense stick going! (Close the windows whislt you’re at it)
  5. Make random conversation with the people you’re living with. Obviously act like you’ve not really seen each other for a week.
  6. Sing loud and out of tune during any worship songs.
  7. Remember to send a message to someone you’ve not heard from in a while to say hello.
  8. Make a note reminding yourself that loving your neighbour may include a few things being a weird for a while.

Anything else you can suggest?

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Getting Ready For Church: A Checklist

Its Sunday. And yes. There is still a pandemic going on. Yes Church is a bit weird.

Sorry. I mean, Church is weirder than normal.

So how do you get ready for Church, when things are all a bit… pandemic?

Check out The Church Sofa Checklist, to help you get ready for Church.

Do you have any to add?

(If – by any chance – you’re reading this after 15th June, and you’re going to physical church. Don’t forget to put clothes on)

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10 Excuses For Being Late to A Church Zoom Meeting

Meetings. They can be easy be late to right? Things like travel, people, and last minute things can lead to lateness without too much imagination needed when you need an excuse.

What about Zoom meetings*? You cant be late to a meeting if that meeting is online right? So what can you can say if you’re late to a meeting that is basically in your spare room?

Here’s our collection.

  1. The traffic on the staircase was a nightmare
  2. The kids were climbing on the laptop, which they had managed to smuggle to the top of the climbing frame. The situation needed the best of your negotiation skills.
  3. You had been led to rest in the spirit. (Probably best you don’t say this first thing, as they will guess that you just didn’t wake up)
  4. There was a chaos in the office kitchen.
  5. You were busy praying.
  6. Well, you kinda took the wise choice last night to actually turn off your laptop. The thing is you didn’t take that in account today so you had to wait an age before the laptop let you do anything. (Take the opportunity to begin a crowdfunder for new kit**)
  7. One moment you were waiting for the host to let you in. The next, the Spirit had taken you away. (Yes – to the fridge – but don’t say that)
  8. Launch into a 7 minute long tirade on the dangers of internet, and its influence on our abilty to remain undistracted. At the end, act like nothing was wrong, and carry on regardless.
  9. You were busy arguing on Twitter evangelising online.
  10. If nothing else. Blame the internet. Be glad you’ve put clothes on.

What would you add?

*Obviously other online chat solutions are available.

**Thinking about that could be helpful…

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Spring Harvest Online

Well here’s something.

Due to Coronavirus (a side note – can we just call it “The Virus” from now on? Sounds cooler…). Spring Harvest have moved a load of this years content on Youtube. Which, whilst Sofa hasn’t been to Spring Harvest himself, can imagine it… isn’t the same as being there.

Sofa has heard of a family who, in order to try and recreate the Christian Festival experience has moved into their caravan in the driveway during the official festival week

James Dell one of the family has explained:

To make it feel more like being away we thought it would be fun if we stayed in our caravan on the lawn outside our house and use rooms in the house for the study groups but I’m not quite sure how we will imitate the big top. Maybe we’ll pitch a wigwam in the garden.”

While Sofa wishes the Dell family well, he would also like to suggest the following to really try and imitate the experience.

  • The first person who uses the shower in the morning, stays in the shower. All morning.
  • Early morning acoustic guitar playing the garden. Every morning.
  • Dig out a Spring Harvest live CD. Play it loud. In the garden.
  • Only order Christian things from Amazon that week.
  • Dont have any new wine. Thats the wrong festival.

Any other tips you would pass on?

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What To Look For In A New Church – In Early 2020

Are you considering going to a new Church? Is there somewhere you have your eye on? A Church you’ve been pondering?

At the beginning of 2020, this looked somewhat different to how they are now. Therefore Sofa felt an update on the post he wrote back then might… helpful.

So. Before you look for a new Church, during a Coronavirus outbreak, there are a few questions you may want to ask yourself…

  1. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  2. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  3. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  4. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  5. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  6. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  7. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  8. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)

If the answer is no, Sofa suggests watching a different Youtube upload / livestream.

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6 Christian Responses to Coronavirus

6 Christian Responses to Coronavirus

It was observed on Twitter the other day*, that there seems to be a number of “5 Christian Responses to Coronavirus” style blogs posted on the internet. After 2 seconds of research, Sofa felt qualified to add its suggestions to what a “Christian Response” would look like.

But… wanting to be seen to be original, here are Church Sofas, 6 Christian Responses to Coronavirus

  1. Ensure any information you take on board, and share with others is from sensible, and well researched sources. Sofa personally recommends reading random blogs, with a history of writing silly lists.
  2. We all know Church groups love doing craft. Buy up all the toilet roll so they dont run out of toilet roll insides.
  3. Water Guns. Wine. Communion Service.
  4. Recognize during a church service that a lot of people are anxious at this time, encourage people to be calm each others nerves by offering each other a Holy Kiss.
  5. Take the opportunity to evangelise to your neighbours, and invite them to a virtual Bible Study looking at Exodus 40:31.
  6. Only stock the toilets with toilet paper – after the sermon has finished. (No – hang on – someone has already seriously suggested that.)

Are there any you would add?

*@digitalnun and @TheChurchMouse on Twitter – I thank you.

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The Stages of Lent – Where have you reached?

Sofa. Being a Church Sofa, has a habit of hanging out in Churches, and with Church people. As part of that Sofa has seen what people put themselves through during Lent. There appears to be different stages of coping with giving something up for Lent…

That moment when you happily accept the challenge…

You dont need any of that stuff over the next 40 days…

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You know you’re ready for anything over the next 40 days…

Hang on…. How many days?

Big Bang Theroy Stressed GIF - BigBangTheroy Stressed Hyperventilating GIFs

And now you really want chocolate…

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Its ok. Its nearly Easter…

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Well this is based on what I’ve seen from other people. Is there anything you would add to the above?