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What To Look For In A New Church – In Early 2020

Are you considering going to a new Church? Is there somewhere you have your eye on? A Church you’ve been pondering?

At the beginning of 2020, this looked somewhat different to how they are now. Therefore Sofa felt an update on the post he wrote back then might… helpful.

So. Before you look for a new Church, during a Coronavirus outbreak, there are a few questions you may want to ask yourself…

  1. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  2. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  3. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  4. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  5. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  6. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  7. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)
  8. Is the Church closed to services and other gatherings? (At the very least)

If the answer is no, Sofa suggests watching a different Youtube upload / livestream.

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6 Christian Responses to Coronavirus

6 Christian Responses to Coronavirus

It was observed on Twitter the other day*, that there seems to be a number of “5 Christian Responses to Coronavirus” style blogs posted on the internet. After 2 seconds of research, Sofa felt qualified to add its suggestions to what a “Christian Response” would look like.

But… wanting to be seen to be original, here are Church Sofas, 6 Christian Responses to Coronavirus

  1. Ensure any information you take on board, and share with others is from sensible, and well researched sources. Sofa personally recommends reading random blogs, with a history of writing silly lists.
  2. We all know Church groups love doing craft. Buy up all the toilet roll so they dont run out of toilet roll insides.
  3. Water Guns. Wine. Communion Service.
  4. Recognize during a church service that a lot of people are anxious at this time, encourage people to be calm each others nerves by offering each other a Holy Kiss.
  5. Take the opportunity to evangelise to your neighbours, and invite them to a virtual Bible Study looking at Exodus 40:31.
  6. Only stock the toilets with toilet paper – after the sermon has finished. (No – hang on – someone has already seriously suggested that.)

Are there any you would add?

*@digitalnun and @TheChurchMouse on Twitter – I thank you.

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The Stages of Lent – Where have you reached?

Sofa. Being a Church Sofa, has a habit of hanging out in Churches, and with Church people. As part of that Sofa has seen what people put themselves through during Lent. There appears to be different stages of coping with giving something up for Lent…

That moment when you happily accept the challenge…

You dont need any of that stuff over the next 40 days…

Image result for lent gifs

You know you’re ready for anything over the next 40 days…

Hang on…. How many days?

Big Bang Theroy Stressed GIF - BigBangTheroy Stressed Hyperventilating GIFs

And now you really want chocolate…

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Its ok. Its nearly Easter…

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Well this is based on what I’ve seen from other people. Is there anything you would add to the above?

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What To Look For In A New Church

Are you considering going to a new Church? Is there somewhere you have your eye on? A Church you’ve been pondering? Before you go along, there may be a few things you might want to look out for, possibly even before you find yourself in a hall with them. Be warned we recommend some sort of binocular/ disguise set up, so you can properly scope the church out before you go, “for the first time”.

  1. Make a note of how people dress, subtly draw pictures of them if needs be. Besides you don’t want to rock up in suit and tie, just to be told “we don’t do that here”.
  2. On the above subject, ensure they wear clothes. I imagine going to a naked church is something you want to do on purpose, as opposed to accidentally going to a naked church.
  3. Is the communion wine alcoholic or basically ribena? Important incase of ribena hatred.
  4. How much incense is used? Do you need to bring an inhaler? (Obviously only applies if you’re asthmatic).
  5. Double check how people pray. If there is stomach punching involved, you may want to wear padding.
  6. Do they make new people stand up and introduce themselves? If so, be glad you’re watching this through a pair of binoculars.
  7. Is it a drinks before or after type church? And are the drinks alcoholic? If so, is there a car park to leave your car behind?
  8. Is offering each other a “Holy Kiss” a thing at this church? If so… run.

Anything you would add to the above list?

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The Big 2019 Church Sofa List of Favourite Things

As 2019 crashes to an end, I’m going to carry on a tredition (that has only happened for a year so far), and share some bits and pieces I’ve enjoyed seeing / reading / listening to over the last 12 months. They’ve all particularly inspired, or at least held my attention in some way.

There will also be Church Sofa highlights thrown in there as well.

There may well be affiliate links thrown in to the mix, but if you dont know any of the below I’d encourage you to check it all out.

Some of my favourite books from this year:

Church Sofa Guide.

One of the interesting things of running a blog, is seeing the random stuff that people search for… which leads to your site.

One of them was “should you bring biscuits when visiting a vicar?” – which in turn led to the post entitled – Should You Bring Biscuits When Visiting A Vicar?

My Favourite Movies of 2019

  • Avengers – Endgame. Because, Endgame was always going to be the top of my list.
  • Star Wars – The Rise of Skywalker
  • Lego Movie Part 2 – Due to the “Two thumbs up it received from Little Sofa”
  • Frozen 2… Because. Why not?

Favourite Work Mug of 2019.

Ok I admit it. Its not a mug I have, nor do I really need a work mug. But if I was to have work mug, it would have to be this one.

My Favourite Songs of 2019

  • I
  • Refuse
  • To
  • Say
  • Into the Unknown from the Frozen 2 soundtrack – but its all I can think of right now.

Favourite Church Notice Board

Hopefully this will be a moto for everyone in 2020.

Hopefully.

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The further parenting problems of Mary

Makes me wonder what other issues Mary May had come across?

  • “Cleanliness is next to Godliness” – that’s a lot of stress to put on a young mum…
  • Bet the swimming lessons weren’t great.
  • You know how teenagers do the whole underage age drinking thing? On the surface of things he must have drank a lot of water…
  • How the heck do you discipline the Son of God?

Anything else to include?

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The Christmas Parenting Woes of Joseph

It occured to me the other day, normally when you see Mary and Joseph in a stable, they seem to be smiling. Whilst I know that a birth of a baby is meant to be a happy occasion, I’m fairly sure Joseph was already having his own series of parenting woes. After all, all parents have them, but I wondered what sort of issues Joseph had as a parent…

  1. Busy wondering if the animals had been fed recently.
  2. Why are all these guys rocking up?That smell? Baby or livestock?
  3. “Yes I know I didn’t book ahead – sorry dear”
  4. When people comment about how the little one looks like his mother.
  5. Those moments he compared himself to the other father.
  6. Dealing with a little drummer boy.
  7. Getting shouted at by Mary for spending “just 5 minutes” in the inn.
  8. The pressure of having to entertain three kings at once.
  9. Being slightly worried that the animals may get confused over the whole baby in a manger thing.

I guess I’m thankful we didn’t have to put up with a little drummer boy randomly showing when Little Sofa was born.

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How Christians Can Evangelise on Halloween

10 Ways Christians Can Evangelize on Halloween

Tis the season when the nights get longer, days get colder, and the Halloween decorations come out for the scare. Not wanting to question if Christians should “do Halloween” or not, I’m gonna ask how Christians can evangelise on Halloween? Here are 10 ideas…

  1. Dress up as The Holy Ghost.
  2. Jesus said I am The Light of The World. Throw lights, candles, torches, at passing trick or treaters.
  3. Have a bucket of Holy Water. Throw it at any passing vampires.
  4. Carve a really long evangelistic message in a pumpkin.
  5. Dress up as Jesus. Bring any passing zombies back to life.
  6. Any adults at the door helping kids trick or treating? Give them a cup of water, challenge them to ask any passing Jesus to convert it to wine.
  7. Play “The Passion of The Christ” on a big screen outside your house. Its The Passion. You don’t need to explain it to anyone…*
  8. Act out Abraham and Isaac in your front garden**.
  9. Dress up as a giant blue song book, chase people around singing at them.
  10. Have a friend dress up, run along and “die” in the middle of a crowd. Then Jesus comes alongs and sorts him out. (Friend DOES NOT pretend to be a zombie at this point).

*No. Don’t do this. Really don’t do this. You’ll get in trouble, and traumatize people!
** Probably best you don’t do this either.

What would you add?

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Missing The Christian Festival Vibe?

Are you recently home from a Christian Festival? Missing it? Are you missing not just the people, the worship, the Bible teaching, but are you missing the whole vibe of being there?

Here are the Church Sofa 10 tips to recreate the Christian Festival Vibe in your life.

  1. Don’t Shower.
  2. Hang around outside playing an acoustic guitar. At 11:30pm.
  3. Have bare feet while visiting your local Christian bookshop. Better if they are muddy.
  4. Always use the outside toilet. Don’t have one? Improvise.
  5. Insist on paying money for the after church coffee.
  6. Get rid of your old wine*. Only drink New Wine.
  7. Volunteer for the sound team at church, adjust the worship teams volume up to 11.
  8. Have a garden? Get your tent out – that’s your new bedroom.  (Also see point 2) 
  9. Don’t shower before Church. Muddy bare feet are again a bonus. 
  10. Expect miracles.

*Contact Sofa for information on how to remove your old wine.