What To Look For In A New Church

Are you considering going to a new Church? Is there somewhere you have your eye on? A Church you’ve been pondering? Before you go along, there may be a few things you might want to look out for, possibly even before you find yourself in a hall with them. Be warned we recommend some sort of binocular/ disguise set up, so you can properly scope the church out before you go, “for the first time”.

  1. Make a note of how people dress, subtly draw pictures of them if needs be. Besides you don’t want to rock up in suit and tie, just to be told “we don’t do that here”.
  2. On the above subject, ensure they wear clothes. I imagine going to a naked church is something you want to do on purpose, as opposed to accidentally going to a naked church.
  3. Is the communion wine alcoholic or basically ribena? Important incase of ribena hatred.
  4. How much incense is used? Do you need to bring an inhaler? (Obviously only applies if you’re asthmatic).
  5. Double check how people pray. If there is stomach punching involved, you may want to wear padding.
  6. Do they make new people stand up and introduce themselves? If so, be glad you’re watching this through a pair of binoculars.
  7. Is it a drinks before or after type church? And are the drinks alcoholic? If so, is there a car park to leave your car behind?
  8. Is offering each other a “Holy Kiss” a thing at this church? If so… run.

Anything you would add to the above list?

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