The Christian Festival Emergency Kit of Stuff.

Every now and then, the Sofa writes something that gets out of date. A few days ago, Sofa published a (possibly*) useful list of things to pack for a Christian Festival. Since then the weather has turned a little more apocalyptic…

So. In honour of the current apocalypse raging in the clouds above, here is the the Church Sofa Christian Festival Emergency Kit of Stuff. (Affiliate links be below)

Obviously if you’re struggling to enjoy being somewhere due to the weather at the moment… hopefully this will get some sort of smile…

Not Noahs Ark.

You dont need Noahs Ark! This is the boat you need! It will fit in your car, and you can use it to get to the showers! Grab it now from Amazon!

Wellies!

The perfect kit to cook breakfast in! (But please also wear other items if outside your tent).

Find these pink sparkly numbers here.

Bring A Waterproof Bible

Is it gonna be wet?

Like to read your Bible outside? Or… in a puddle?

Try A Waterproof Bible?

For when the Sun comes out…

Keep covered from the sun with Jesus… on the cross.

Probably best saved for Easter?

Amazon Link.

Something for the Dark?

Make sure you bring a torch!

Anything else that should be included?

*Or possibly not.

What To Pack For A Christian Festival?

Welcome to Christian festival season. The time of year when Church buildings become empty, and fields become full of Christian Festivals taking place. With Christian festivals such as Edgefest, New Wine, Keswick, Greenbelt. and Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from.

But what should you pack to a Christian Festival? What should you try and force into your suitcase? (If anything at all?) Here is the Church Sofa kit list of things to pack for a Christian Festival. (With affiliate links below)

  1. Portable Battery Charger. You know… so you can keep your smart phone charged. Important as how else are you going to read the Bible? (Also helpful for sending tweets to @TheChurchSofa)
  2. Bacon. Bacon is awesome. Be awesome.
  3. Guitar. For leading early morning worship sessions.
  4. Wine. Recently brought. Because what else would you drink?
  5. A Survival skills handbook. Because you never when you may need to show your best “Bear Grylls Skills”.
  6. Fire lighters, in case calling down fire from heaven, doesn’t light your little barbecue.
  7. In case it gets to wet to take out your phone, pack a Waterproof Bible.
  8. A paper map of the festival. Useful for noting down things like secret tunnels,  quiet showers, and people generous with wine.
  9. Water pistols. In case baptisms are needed.
  10. Earplugs. In case your neighbors have also brought a guitar.

What have I missed from the above?

*Perform any of the implied actions above at your risk. Church Sofa doesn’t take any responsibility for most things, not even you ending up in Christian Festival Jail.

Boris Johnson and the Post Wisdom Age?

Boris Johnson says he knows people will question the decision to choose him as the next PM.

He says: “I know there will be people who will question the wisdom of your decision and there will be people here who will wonder what they have done.

“And I would just point out that no one person, no party, has a monopoly on wisdom.

“But if you look at the history of the 200 years of this party’s history you will see it is we Conservatives – we have had the best insights into human nature.”

BBC Website

“No one person, no party, has a monopoly on wisdom”

Well… I guess that is true to an extent, I cant help but feel it is a little worrying that our new PM is already discussing the concept of individualised wisdom.

“No one person, no party, has a monopoly on wisdom”

Does this sound a little “alternative fact” to anyone else?