A Church Survival Kit For New Parents

Have you got to the stage where you have a little version of yourself? (Otherwise known as a baby). Are you worried about what you need to keep a baby entertained in a Church service? Well this might help…

We have a selection of special tools to distract, entertain, and comfort mini-sofa, while ensuring her parents also get a chance to take part in the service.

So we’re proud to present, the “Take Your New Born / Baby to Church Survival Kit”

  1. Dummies
  2. Muslin to cover up the fact your using a dummy.
  3. Spare phone battery. Because you’ve been up for a long long time… and so has your phone…
  4. Energy drink – Because having coffee after the service is a little late.
  5. Note pad, and pen – useful for things such as funny drawings, paper plane material, and possibly sermon notes.
  6. Church Approved Toy. (Does not make noise, nor make other kids, or preacher jealous that he/she can’t play with said toy).
  7. Nappy bag – with enough nappies to last the length of the sermon.
  8. Milk bottles containing Ministry Approved Milk.
  9. Breakfast – because you were busy before the service making sure everyone else ate! Possibly a bacon roll? (Warning. People around you may be tempted to mug you for it)
  10. Push Chair. So you can race other “drivers” around the church hall.
  11. Map containing directions to nearest exit – in case of sudden ‘exit’ issues…
  12. Children’s Bible – because we all need help understanding sermons sometimes.
  13. A note in your organiser letting you know that the service is starting 30 mins earlier… you’re never going to get there on time otherwise…

Any more that we’ve missed?

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