Christian Chat Up Lines To Consider

Single and in church? Seen someone who you fancy? Here are 22 Christian chat up lines for you to try*:

1. ”So last night I was reading in the book of Numbers, and then I realized, I don’t have yours.”
2. ”Hey, I’m Will. God’s will.” (Tip: Your name should actually be Will)
3. ”You put the “stud” in bible study.”
4. “Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives… He never met you!”
5. ”I didn’t know angels flew this low.”
6. “I’m no Joseph, maybe you can help me interpreting the dreams I’ve been having about you?”
7. ”Is it hot in here or is that just the Holy Spirit burning inside of you?”
8. ”Is your name Faith? ‘Cause you’re the substance of things I’ve hoped for.”
9. ” How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?”
10. ” I didn’t believe in predestination until tonight.”
11. ”Is this the transfiguration? because you are glowing.”
12. ” Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead.”
13. ” Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.”
14. ” Let me sell you an indulgence because it’s a sin to look as good as you do.”
15. ” Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.”
16. ” Is it a sin that you stole my heart?”
17. ” Want to practice speaking in tongues with me?”
18. ” What’s your name and number so I can add you to my “prayer” list?”
19. “I just want you to know, I’m praying for you… No, I’m praying “FOR” you.”
20. “Here’s my number… Call me if you need prayer.”
21. “I’m usually not very prophetic, but I can see us together.”

From revivallifestyle.com

And one I heard when I was much… much younger: “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?

*Thinking about it…. maybe you shouldnt.

Any more you’d like to add to the list?

Embarrassing Moments In A Church Service

There are some people out there, who anything can happen to them, and they wouldn’t care. Then there are other people who get embarrassed by stuff happening. Those are normally very sensible people. Here are some things that those people get embarrassed by in Church.

  1. You’re singing loudly, and out of tune… without realising your minister has changed the song lyrics.
  2. The baby you’ve been asked to hold, throws up…over your face.
  3. The Prayer time starts… so does your coughing fit.
  4. You get asked a question. In front of people. Your mind goes blank.
  5. Someone slips a Whoopee cushion under you as you sit down…
  6. Two words. Nose Bleed. (While you’re stuck in the middle of an aisle)
  7. You’re sat dead in the middle of the congregation… and you need to fart…
  8. You miscalculate the amount of sweets you’re taking out your pocket… dropping them loudly on the floor.
  9. Its quiet. Its serious. People are crying. Your phone rings. Loudly.
  10. You stand up in front of the Church Service… and wonder if you really did your flies up earlier.

Any that we’ve missed out?

Can You Be A Christian Psychic?

According to the blurb from Amazon :

Using the Bible as reference, historian and psychic investigator Adrian Lee, a devout Christian, digs deeply into religious beliefs that appear on the surface to denounce the work of mediums, healers, and psychics. He explains these passages clearly and in historical context, challenging Christians to understand the deeper meanings and various settings in which these passages were intended to apply, so that the bible’s true message can emerge. He also explains his work as a healer and psychic investigator, showing how Christians can safely and effectively use their own God-given psychic gifts to help others.

Found at Christian Nightmares, who has also found a wonderfully spooky picture of the author.

What do you reckon?

(If you are interested from Amazon)

Jesus in Water Fountain

He’s appeared in a toilet, toast, a receipt ,a Nintendo, pizza, a red arrows show, a toilet, a drinks cabinet, a spot of grease, and even a smoke cloud*!… and now.

Jesus has now appeared in a Water Fountain

 

Personally I think it looks like a fountain.

Have you found Jesus in a spray of water recently?

Found at Christian Nightmares.

*possibly