The Christian Nightmares Tribulation Band – I Wish We’d All Been Ready

If you’ve been reading The Church Sofa for long enough, you’ve probably seen something that was originally found over at Christian Nightmares, a collection of all sorts of weirdness from mostly American Christianity. I say weird… I mean some of it is kind of disturbing… like those Christian end time thrillers that were released back in the 1970s. These things are basically Christian versions of those Public Information Films from the same decade.

Seemingly inspired by the end time thrillers such as ‘If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do?’ and ‘A Thief in The Night’, CN has organised The Christian Nightmares Tribulation Band, who have recorded a cover version of Larry Normans, “I Wish We’d All Been Ready”.

Whilst I reckon the tune itself is worth a listen, I’m fairly certain the video needs a big fat NSFW work warning.

Please dont say you weren’t warned…

Visit thechristiannightmarestribulationband.bandcamp.com for more information about The Tribulation Band.

 

Christmas Present Ideas For A Vicar?

I’m sorry to type this, but Christmas is coming. Yes, as soon as Halloween is done, all the shops will be filled with Christmas chocolates, and potential Christmas presents for everybody in your life. What if one of those people in your life includes a vicar / Church leader? After all… Church leaders dont drink wine or anything like that…
To help you out, here is The Church Sofa list of Present Ideas For A Church Minister:

(affiliate links are below!)

Something for the stress?

Everyone knows that church leaders get stress around Christmas, with all those carols to be sung, and mincepies to be eaten, some stress is understandable.

Help them manage the stress, and take that stress out on Santa by giving them the gift of Santa Stress Balls.

Christmas-Stress-Balls-Present Ideas For A Church Minister

Available from Amazon

Something for the wardrobe.

Yes, they’re cheesy – but its Christmas!
Christmas Gift ideas for Vicars and Church Leaders
And yes, I guess it will only work as a gift for people who wear ties.

Available from Amazon

Bibles

How about a Bible?

Christmas Present Ideas For A Vicar

EVERYONE knows that Church leaders LOVE Bibles!

Money?

That way, the “correct” present can be brought…

Christmas-Money

Found at Amazon.

The perfect gift.

Christmas Present Ideas For A Vicar

Obviously the perfect gift would be Jesus!!

Jesus, is also available from Amazon.Christmas Present Ideas For A Vicar

If you wonder what (Grow Your Own) Jesus looks like, check out the following:

What other presents would you suggest?

The What Would Jesus Do Generator

While writing “Christian Apps, That Must Exist!“, I wondered, what would a What Would Jesus Do Generator look like? The idea behind it is simple. Click a button, and you’re told something that Jesus did*.

The What Would Jesus Do Generator can be found here.

There might be more Church Sofa websites on their way.

*Not all 100% serious,

Christian Apps, That Must Exist!

Apple used to run an advert for the iPhone, where the line “there’s an app for that”, was used on a regular basis. Well I have a question, is there an app for many parts of the Christian life? Sofa has conducted some extensive research in local churches, and here are 10 Christian apps that people want to exist.*

  1. Self Reading Bible Study. At a prearranged time, your phone will read a Bible passage aloud. No matter if you are in the area or not.
  2. A Pay To Pray Candle. Pay 79p, and a candle will flicker on your screen for 10 minutes. (With thanks to @PashaReflection on Twitter)
  3. Inspirational Video Finder. An app that will present you with randomised inspirational online videos. The ability to press stop is an in app purchase.
  4. The Facebook Prayer Machine. This is an app that will auto log into your Facebook account, and automatically click Like on anything that asks your to click Like if you love Jesus.
  5. Build your own Sermon. Answer a few questions, and this app will auto generate the perfect sermon for you. Sermons under 55 minutes require an in app purchase.
  6. WWJD. Stuck about the right thing to do in life? Ask your phone a question about it. It will tell you What Would Jesus Do, in that situation. (Actually… since I’ve typed this I’ve found that there it seems there is a What Would Jesus Do App)
  7. Preaching Phone. Choose your subject, the app will preach at you about it.
  8. Jesus Beard Generator.  Take a photo of someones face, this app will automatically add a “Jesus Beard” to that persons face.
  9. Dodgy Bible Verse Of The Day. At the most inappropriate moment of the day, your phone will automatically read a inappropriate Bible verse. Probably from Song of Songs. Probably loudly.
  10. Auto tither. Give this app your bank account details. Everyday, your bank account will go down by 10%.

*I lied, there has been no research into this article.