How Christians Should Host A Meal.

Imagine the scenario. You’ve gone along to Church, sat through a sermon, and found the sermon was about the simple act of having a meal. The catch is, that you’re being encouraged to invite people around for a meal with you, as a way of “doing church”.

This may leave you walking out the Church with questions rolling around your head. Mainly, how should Christians host a meal?

Here’s a few pointers:

  1. Watch your guests as they’re about to eat some bread.As it goes into their mouth, lean over to them, look into their eyes, and ask “Do you know that Jesus is the bread of life?”
  2. Treat the person on your right hand side far better then anyone else on the table.
  3. At the start of the meal. Hold hands. Sing grace. Loudly. For at least ten minutes. Whilst looking around, deeply into each others eyes.
  4. To be really Christian, sing it in Latin.
  5. Serve cross shaped pasta.
  6. Don’t sit in a chair. Sit on a spike. Remember, we dont want to be to comfortable at any point.
  7. Ensure you serve Turnip.
  8. Everytime red wine is poured, say “this is my blood”. Even if it’s not you doing the pouring.
  9. Does someone need to help open a difficult jar or bottle? If you succed in helping then you earn the right to be called Samson for the rest of the meal.
  10. If anyone asks for seconds, point and scream at them “Gluttony!!!”

The Church Sofa accepts no responsibility for any physical, mental, or emotional damage caused by any of the above.

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