When the vicar visits. The Checklist.

church Sofa

For some random reason, you have the vicar coming to visit, and if The Simpsons have taught us anything, he’s not a normal house guest. He’s the vicar!

So what do you need to do to bring your house upto scratch? Check our “Vicar coming to visit” checklist, to make sure everything is done.

  1. Give the place a quick clean. Actually quite nice to do this anyway.
  2. Open a Bible, leave it open somewhere.
  3. Christian music. Something recognizable, Graham Kendrick would probably do.
  4. Christian music not option? Stick something gentle on in the background. Classic FM would do.
  5. Hide the Harry Potter DVDs.
  6. Hide the empty wine / beer / vodka / whiskey / miscellaneous alcohol bottles.
  7. Get out the nice biscuits
  8. Make sure the book shelf has the “Christian” books at eye level.
  9. No Christian books? Put some nice cookery books on eye level. Maybe put “50 shades of Grey” to one side.
  10. Put a calendar in your lounge, circle each Sunday, and (if they’re released) mark the sermon titles with Bible verses.

Any more that should be included?

About ThatAndy 3799 Articles
Married. Dad. Blogger / Wordpress / Web / Social media Guy Photographer. Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.


  1. 1 Blow dust off Bible before opening it.
    2 Get cross or crucifix out of spare room and display prominently.
    3 If laptop or iPad is in view, hide or delete search history.
    4 Alternative to Classic FM: have TV tuned to BBC4 or News.
    5 Have photo album ready with shots of baptism, Compostela pilgrimage or last year’s Keswick Convention.
    6 Conceal all DVDs other than those classified U and PG.
    7 Put copies of parish magazine and Church Times in loo in case Vicar wishes to use it.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.