The Church Sofa Guide To Church: How To Survive A Boring Sermon

Sometimes. Every now and then. You may find yourself in a boring sermon like what Bart finds himself trapped in:



So how can you cope during such a situation?

Try our list of 10 Ways To Occupy Yourself During A Boring Sermon:

  1. See if you can tie your neighbours shoe laces to their chair or pew whilst pretending to be deep in contemplative prayer.
  2. Search the weekly update sheet for mistypes to point out to the vicar later.
  3. For the more charismatic types, lay down. Sleep. See how long it takes to be awoken by the sound of people praying over you.
  4. Cough every time the preacher says the word God/Jesus and see if anyone catches on.
  5. Repeatedly try to catch the preachers eye and wink at them.
  6. Tweet a message to The Church Sofa. ( @thechurchsofa )
  7. Attempt to get your row to do a mexican wave.
  8. Hum the mission impossible theme tune and see if you can get out with out anyone seeing.
  9. Every time the preacher asks a rhetorical question, answer it out loud.
  10. Pull faces at the preacher and see how long it is before they laugh.

Anything we’ve missed?

About ThatAndy 3800 Articles
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  1. I heard the idea that you should line up £10 in pound coins in full view of the preacher, then when the sermon goes on longer than 10 minutes, remove a coin for each minute the sermon overruns. Only the coins still left at the end go in the offertory plate! I wish I could remember where I read this…

  2. In one recent service the only thing which was keeping me sane were the small kids using streamers as skipping ropes. I immediately thought of the Malcolm McLaren “double dutch” and thought if I ever got to take another service i might incorporate into the worship. As I had my iPhone on silent I looked it up on You Tube, and its started playing, but it was only the ringer which as off! OOPS.
    My current favourite is a variation of the shoe lace theme, but I tend to lean forward and tie those long cardigan wings to the chair. I find it great fun, but not all the women appreciate it.

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