10 Ways To Hurry Up A Boring Sermon

So you’re in the service, its got to the sermon, and it feels like the sermon has been going on… since forever… Well here is the Church Sofa List of how to tell the preacher in question, its time to wrap it up…

  1. Stand at the back – make a “your fly is down” motion..
  2. Arrange your row to pretend to sleep at the same time.
  3. Rig up some sort of traffic light system…
  4. Split the congregation up into three sections, get some sort of Britains Got Talent system going…
  5. Everyone. Look at the clock.
  6. Adjust the clock so you can speed it up… You will need to steal the preachers watch to do this!
  7. Everyone in the congregation… Set your alarms to go at the same time.
  8. Countdown music after 25 minutes.
  9. Bribe the PA staff … Kill the mic!
  10. Do you have the preachers mobile number? Reckon its set to silent? Test it…

2 Replies to “10 Ways To Hurry Up A Boring Sermon”

  1. Pulpits should be fitted with trapdoors. Congregants push a
    Button when bored. When enough have pushed buttons, trapdoor opens & preacher disappears.

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