For some random reason, you have the vicar coming to visit, and if The Simpsons have taught us anything, he’s not a normal house guest. He’s the vicar!
So what do you need to do to bring your house upto scratch? Check our “Vicar coming to visit” checklist, to make sure everything is done.
- Give the place a quick clean. Actually quite nice to do this anyway.
- Open a Bible, leave it open somewhere.
- Christian music. Something recognizable, Graham Kendrick would probably do.
- Christian music not option? Stick something gentle on in the background. Classic FM would do.
- Hide the Harry Potter DVDs.
- Hide the empty wine / beer / vodka / whiskey / miscellaneous alcohol bottles. If needed, try selling them.
- Get out the nice biscuits
- Make sure the book shelf has the “Christian” books at eye level.
- No Christian books? Put some nice cookery books on eye level. Maybe put “50 shades of Grey” to one side.
- Put a calendar in your lounge, circle each Sunday, and (if they’re released) mark the sermon titles with Bible verses. (To really connect with your vicar, we recommend The Dave Walker Guide to the Church 2016 Calendar)
Any more that should be included?
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I’m sorry to type this, but Christmas is coming. Yes, as soon as Halloween is done, all the shops will be filled with Christmas chocolates, and potential Christmas presents for everybody in your life. What if one of those people in your life includes a vicar / Church leader? After all… Church leaders dont drink wine or anything like that…
To help you out, here is The Church Sofa list of Present Ideas For A Church Minister:
Something for the stress?
Everyone knows that church leaders get stress around Christmas, with all those carols to be sung, and mincepies to be eaten, some stress is understandable.
Help them manage the stress, and take that stress out on Santa by giving them the gift of Santa Stress Balls.
Available from Amazon
Something for the wardrobe.
Yes, they’re cheesy – but its Christmas!
And yes, I guess it will only work as a gift for people who wear ties.
Available from Amazon
How about a Bible?
EVERYONE knows that Church leaders LOVE Bibles!
That way, the “correct” present can be brought…
Found at Amazon.
The perfect gift.
Obviously the perfect gift would be Jesus!!
Jesus, is also available from Amazon.
If you wonder what (Grow Your Own) Jesus looks like, check out the following:
What other presents would you suggest?
A couple of weeks ago, The Sofa featured the story of a Church that made a nice cheery video to say goodbye to their vicar. That got us thinking, what other ways are there for a church to say goodbye to their vicar?
This list might be a little inspired by Youtube.
Shoot the vicar from a cannon?
Give them a photo of you, with this frame…
Teleport them away
Blow up the pulpit as they end their last sermon.
Go back, change time, so they never come to your church.
Chase them away, with giant spiders
If nothing else, send them away with a song and a dance.
Any other ideas?
We’ve looked at a few Christmas presents over the last week for the different people in our lives. What about our local Vicar / Priest / Minister / Other Person with Dog Collar ? Well, its Christmas, and ministers are busy people at the moment, with Carol Services, Sunday Services, Special Assemblies, Random Christmas Gatherings, and Carol Services to get to. (I realise I said Carol Services twice, but I figured there are so many going on, it was worth mentioning twice). Help your minister get to every event he needs to, by buying them a
spare minister “Inflatable Priest“.
This way they can have a spare vicar figure at hand if they need to send a replacement at short notice*.
Try this “Inflatable Priest“(Amazon Link) and you never need to worry about booking a vicar ever again!*
* Obviously you’re hoping that people cant tell the difference between their vicar, and a big balloon.
Does your vicar have a bag, or a suitcase? Ever wondered what they keep in there? The Sofa found out…
Its holiday time. You’ve turned up to church. And you’ve realised there is no vicar to lead the church service. What did the vicar say to you about going on summer holiday this week? Maybe you should have passed that message on…
Nows your chance to be a Super-Church-Hero! Grab your handy Instant Vicar Set, put on your dog collar, and save Sunday by leading the service!