Don’t Listen To This*…

Do you ever find yourself in moments of quiet?
Possibly a moment of quiet during a funeral?
Possibly a time of silence during a church worship service?
Or maybe even when a prayer meeting gets a little deep?

If this is the case, don’t listen to this song.

And what ever you do, dont listen to the lyrics.

You may catch yourself smiling during a prayer meeting if you do**

Or might just be me.?

Do you get any random yet innocent tunes pop into your head at the worst times? Please share!

*An Alternative name for this post is “An insight into Andys mind”

** Not that smiling during a prayer meeting is bad… it may just look odd if at the wrong time.

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

Photographer.

Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.

A Church Survival Kit For New Parents

Have you got to the stage where you have a little version of yourself? (Otherwise known as a baby). Are you worried about what you need to keep a baby entertained in a Church service? Well this might help…

We have a selection of special tools to distract, entertain, and comfort mini-sofa, while ensuring her parents also get a chance to take part in the service.

So we’re proud to present, the “Take Your New Born / Baby to Church Survival Kit”

  1. Dummies
  2. Muslin to cover up the fact your using a dummy.
  3. Spare phone battery. Because you’ve been up for a long long time… and so has your phone…
  4. Energy drink – Because having coffee after the service is a little late.
  5. Note pad, and pen – useful for things such as funny drawings, paper plane material, and possibly sermon notes.
  6. Church Approved Toy. (Does not make noise, nor make other kids, or preacher jealous that he/she can’t play with said toy).
  7. Nappy bag – with enough nappies to last the length of the sermon.
  8. Milk bottles containing Ministry Approved Milk.
  9. Breakfast – because you were busy before the service making sure everyone else ate! Possibly a bacon roll? (Warning. People around you may be tempted to mug you for it)
  10. Push Chair. So you can race other “drivers” around the church hall.
  11. Map containing directions to nearest exit – in case of sudden ‘exit’ issues…
  12. Children’s Bible – because we all need help understanding sermons sometimes.
  13. A note in your organiser letting you know that the service is starting 30 mins earlier… you’re never going to get there on time otherwise…

Any more that we’ve missed?

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

Photographer.

Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.

Christian Clothing of The Week!

Parenting. Its filled with choices.

Such as how much attention you should give certain behavior… how much screen time is a bad thing… and choosing to remember that warm whiskey isn’t a good way to send children to sleep.

Then there are choices about what clothing to buy…

YallNeedJesus
Found at the Stuff Christian Culture Likes Facebook Page.

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

Photographer.

Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.

Toys To Bring To Church

Kids in Church

Christmas with a toddler, I’m sure you can imagine brings its share of challenges and joys. Challenges are such as wondering how much chocolate you should allow them to eat, and for yourself, how much alcohol can you drink on Christmas Eve, and cope with the earlier wake up on Christmas Day. The joys… well… there are toys, Toys, and more TOYS.

But what toys should you bring to church?

We’ve done a bit of research and have found the following (mostly toddler) toys that are possibly perfect for church:

Daniel and the lion’s den

DanielAndTheLionsDen

Includes a hole to play “Boo” through, an excuse to pretend to loudly eat Daniel, and a chance to make lion style “Raaaa!” noises. With no inbuilt noises, this would be a great toy to keep little ones quiet in church. Found at Amazon.

Bible Opoly Board Game

Bibleopoly

Do you enjoy those Monopoly inspired arguments? How about having an excuse to have those arguments in the back of the church hall? Bearing in mind this is “A monopoly version where cooperation and not accumulation is the key”, I cant help but feel that if youre sneaky enough to win at Monopoly, then you’ll win at this. Just remember to make your peace with each other before communion. Found at Amazon.

I’m sure toddlers would love playing with the money, or consuming the church pieces!

Plan of Salvation Ball.

HeavenBall

According to the product description, this is “A squeeze ball to throw around and learn about God’s plan for salvation.” Perfect for a game of catch during the service. Even better for toddlers learning how to throw. Bonus points if the vicar needs to catch it at any point. Found at eden.co.uk

Plush Jonah and Fish.

Plush-Jonah

Perfect for joining in with a baptism service… and the ensuring scream when the child in question starts to realise that the fish doesn’t actually swim. Found at eden.co.uk

Plush Noahs Ark 10 Piece Play Set.

Plush-Noah-Ark

All those animals! For so long!

Did they all get on all the time? Or were there massive arguments? Did a monkey try fighting a lion?

Bring this toy to church and let your little one work it out!

Found at eden.co.uk

Tambourines!

We’re told to make a joyful noise to the Lord! Make a joyful noise with these “Make a Joyful Noise Tambourines”. Great for use during sermons!

Make-A-Joyful-Noise

 

Found over at designed2bsweet.com.

Be David!

DavidAndGoliath

Dont just listen to the sermon / talk on David and Goliath.

Your kids could be David with this slingshot!

Again bonus points if they (you) hit the speaker!

Hope you find this useful. Please share in the comments below if you know of any other useful toys to bring to church.

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

Photographer.

Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.

How Kids Disrupt Church Services (A guide through the ages)

Kids in Church

The Sofa is pleased to share this guest blog from Kate from Londonwithatoddler.com. Kate describes herself as a “mother, writer, thinker. Granted, the kind of things I think about are along the lines of “What’s that smell?” or “Where can I buy chocolate around here?”, so maybe not that much of a thinker.  But I am definitely the first two”. Recently she has been thinking about the many different ways kids could disrupt Church Services.

LittleFamilyHere’s her look at children and young people in Church:

Children in church is always one of those contentious issues that puts people on edge – parents are constantly anticipating the next cry of “But what IS a virgin?” during carol services, meeting leaders are always keeping a close eye on where they leave that cordless microphone in case it falls into the small hands and the pensioners are torn between cooing at the cute baby and wishing that they would stop crying because it really interferes with their hearing aid frequency.

As with all things though, isn’t it the unknown and unpredictable that causes the most worry? So, with that in mind I have spent some time studying the habits of children in church and have put together this handy age-by-age guide of just how children will disrupt your service. Once you can predict their movements, you can relax.

0-1 Contrary to popular belief, a newborn baby is one of the easiest types of child to take into a service. They sleep all the time. If they’re in a sling, being soothed by the latest Hillsong drum fill, they will barely open an eye for the whole service, much to the disappointment of the old ladies cooing over them. But as they get older, the capacity for mayhem increases. Maybe they’ll cry a bit. Maybe they’ll need a feed, exposing the whole church – and especially the worship band at the front- to the possibility of a nipple of some kind being flashed about. There may also be some suspicious smells. But they’re child’s play compared to toddlers…

1-3 The toddler. Comes with the advantage that they can be bribed into near-silence with a packet of Hula Hoops. Comes with the disadvantage that they will throw a tantrum if the packet is the wrong colour or they don’t have the right sippy cup. Prone to hiding under the altar/welcome desk and arguing with each other.

3-5 The age of maximum destruction. The world record for the number of times a 3-year-old has run around the entire congregation in one service currently stands at 5500. Depending on the length of your service, that’s between 30 and 92 circuits per minute. Consider that for a second. They also enjoy playing the piano/drums/percussion/anything they can get their hands on as loudly and frequently as possible. Keen on doing actions at the front but almost impossible to remove once they’ve taken to the stage. Never let them near a microphone unless you want the congregation regaled with tales about dinosaurs or mangled versions of the “Octonauts” theme tune.

5-10 School age. Where children can theoretically sit quietly and pay attention to someone talking for literally minutes on end. Pity that they squeeze every ounce of their “sitting still” ability out during the working week. So, they’ll spend Sunday mornings complaining that they’re bored and asking when Kids’ Church starts. Then they’ll find another 45 minutes’ worth of good behaviour for the Childrens’ workers before melting down during coffee time and forcing their parents to abandon their much-needed cup of hot caffeine.

10+ The dreaded Youth. A time of drink, drugs and wild living…and that’s just the Youth Pastor. Expect the worst and it probably won’t happen, but they will almost certainly fall asleep during the preach after a heavy night of partying/video gaming/Bible studying. Teenagers are not natural morning people. Employ a few drum shields to deflect the worst of the snoring.

So now you’re prepared….let the little children come to you.

Would you like to guest post for The Church Sofa? If so give this a read and drop me an email!

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

Photographer.

Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.