Tag Archives: Funeral

A Way To Rate A Funeral

It was one of those questions that I wasn’t sure how to answer: “How was it?”. The “it” in question was a funeral. My mind flashed through a few different answers before, saying something deep and meaningful like, “errrr…. it was alright”. This got me thinking, how do you describe how good a funeral is? Is there a rating system for funerals?

Turns out, having a guide for rating a funeral is weird.

Therefore, please let me introduce the Church Sofa Guide to Rating a Funeral.

1 / 10: Lazarus
2 / 10: Its a wet wet day. The coffin is made from cardboard…
3 / 10: Someone slipped on the graveside. Joined the deceased underground.
4 / 10: The previously mentioned soaking wet coffin gets dropped…
5 / 10: Someone forgets to check the “deceased” for signs of fireworks in their pockets… Just before a cremation…
6 / 10: A nice little funeral, with a few nice people, with a nice vicar, leading a nice service, on a nice day, in a nice town…
7 / 10: A State Funeral.
8 / 10: One of those funerals with everyone you know there, INCLUDING, the people that matter.
9 / 10: Something combining a state funeral, with everyone you know there, INCLUDING, the people that matter – AND you have a heck of party afterwards!
10 / 10: Darth Vaders funeral.

Any other suggestions?