Reminds me of that Simpsons scene where all the kids try and run away from their parents when its time for Church.
Have you ever done or said anything strange to avoid Church or Church events?
Archives For Church
Picking up the collection of “A” words…
Agape: A fancy word for a type of Love, which you may have only heard about if you’ve sat through one of those talks on Love. Whilst checking my spelling for this, I was also reminded that Agape is also the name of a charity that is, “dedicated to addressing the spiritual needs of the UK by helping people to see, hear, understand and be forever changed by the person and claims of Jesus.
Check out www.agape.org.uk for further information of the agape organisation.
Alpha: A happiness course ran by Churches around the world, with the aim of increasing the size of peoples smiles.
Amen: Normally a signal of agreement to a request just uttered. Can also be heard shouted out across a congregation during a particularly exciting sermon.
Angel: I cant help but think that the whole subject of Angels is a bit of a weird one for the church. I guess PR wise, I cant help but wonder if we’re not really sure how to sell Angels. Are angels really just a heavenly choir, that worship leaders tweet about? Are they cute girlies in the Christmas play? Are they guys with a gentle Irish accent? What if Angels went to an Alpha course? Are they big beasties of light with multiple faces, and massive wings?
Some people would say, that they just turn up randomly to help out in times of need, just to disappear later.
Or are angels real people, like the marathon runners that finished the race in Boston, just to run to give blood at the hospital?
The firemen that were caught up with the explosion in Texes
I cant help but think that my angel was the Scottish registrar who took the time to reassure me that our daughter was doing well, two hours after she was transferred to Neonatal.
Whatever they are, I hope they do more then sing.
Well it’s that time of year again. It’s time for the Church AGM. We’re decided to share the lessons we’ve learnt from this years Annual General Meeting.
This is so, when you next have a Church Annual General Meeting, you can maybe be better prepared.
Therefore please let us present, 10 Lessons from a Church Annual General Meeting in 2013:
- Arrive late. This means you get unrestricted access to an unprotected plate of biscuits.
- Make a recording of all you hear and see. This means that next year when you look at this years minutes you’ll know if its an “accurate and fair representation” of what you’ve seen.
- Don’t forget to pick up supplies beforehand.
- Designing PCC top trumps is indeed a good idea.
- Phone.The Dominos App. Pizza. Don’t fall for that temptation.
- Be ready to practice patience when questions when awkward stuff is mentioned.
- Be careful when you decide to cheer.
- Bring a water gun for when that “just one more question” is asked.
- Be careful not to nod when its asked “Is anyone against?” Unless you mean to.
- Don’t count every time you hear a “Mmmmm”, agreement noise. You should be paying more attention that.
Do you know any tips about surviving a Church AGM?
Well a week ago, The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
To celebrate finally being given the chance to watch Peter Jacksons new epic, here are ten lessons we could learn from watching The Hobbit.
- Look out for signs of being settled.
- Be ready for adventure.
- Remember; value character over skills as a warrior.
- Be there for people who don’t have a home.
- It’s easy to doubt the little people.
- Remember; apologize for your doubt about people.
- Be warned, dwarves eat lots. But at least they clean up after themselves.
- Love eagles.
- Be prepared for your White Orc to return.
- Always remember where you left your wizard.
Any more out there?
Buy The Hobbit on DVD from Amazon
Well. Its that time of year, when a slight snuffly nose can easily turn into a full fledged cold.
If you’re anything like me, sometimes that full fledged cold can really wind you up, and just make you sneeze, and sneeze and sneeze. So, what happens if you find yourself in Church, and you get caught in one of these sneeze cycles?
Check out our list of 10 ways to survive a morning service, when you just can’t stop sneezing:
- Plan your escape route
- Be like Moses and take 2 tablets – With thanks to
@98rosjon - During the Peace hold your hand out, say “peace and saliva be with you” -With thanks to @grahamrpointer
- If you share a cup during communion, drink from the cup while you hold it at a great height above you. This way lowers the chances of germs being passed onto other people – but also increases the chances of wine going all over your face.
- Remember your emergency tissue boxes.
- Find a reason to go out at the same time as the kids go out… stay out and listen to the service via the speakers in the welcome area… while you sneeze in safety.
- 2 words. Night Nurse.
- Wear a scarf. Wear it high. Over your nose. Sneeze during the louder songs… No one needs to know…
- Shove two pieces of rolled up tissue up each nostril, and see if that helps. If not… well just get ready to aim…
- Stay home. Wrap up warm. Drink Orange Juice. Open your bible. Pray.
Any more to add?
A while ago the Church Sofa lads had found themselves in the pub, one thing had led to the other, and one of us commented about a T Shirt slogan that no one should ever walk into a Church service with written on their chests.
This made us stop.
And wonder.
What else should you avoid wearing on your T Shirt during a Sunday morning. Service?
- “I’d take bread and wine, if there was a church I could receive in”
- AntiChrist? (With an arrow pointed to your left hand side)
- “I Am The Church Mouse.”
- “Hello?”
- Down with “Shine Jesus Shine” (or another song your church sings, a lot)
- “How disgusting can a T Shirt make me?”
- I Am. The Law.
- No slogan… But a rainbow patterned t shirt….
- My Other Body is a Temple.
- Gay married women bishops are ok with me.
Have you ever got in trouble in church because of something you were wearing?
I have to admit… there are parts of this which seem… quite attractive…
Quite a nice looking cake for instance.
For some random reason, you have the vicar coming to visit, and if The Simpsons have taught us anything, he’s not a normal house guest. He’s the vicar!
So what do you need to do to bring your house upto scratch? Check our “Vicar coming to visit” checklist, to make sure everything is done.
- Give the place a quick clean. Actually quite nice to do this anyway.
- Open a Bible, leave it open somewhere.
- Christian music. Something recognizable, Graham Kendrick would probably do.
- Christian music not option? Stick something gentle on in the background. Classic FM would do.
- Hide the Harry Potter DVDs.
- Hide the empty wine / beer / vodka / whiskey / miscellaneous alcohol bottles.
- Get out the nice biscuits
- Make sure the book shelf has the “Christian” books at eye level.
- No Christian books? Put some nice cookery books on eye level. Maybe put “50 shades of Grey” to one side.
- Put a calendar in your lounge, circle each Sunday, and (if they’re released) mark the sermon titles with Bible verses.
Any more that should be included?
What worries you during a Church service?
A few days ago, the Church Sofa lads were chatting about the possible things that may worry people about a Sunday church service. Whilst we were wondering if people were concerned if they would sit on a pew, or a chair, we decided to ask a random sample of people what worried them about a Sunday morning church service.
The list of results, were found to be intriguing and shocking:
- Do I really have to be nice to my neighbor?
- Strength of tea
- Sermon Length.
- After the service, do I go to the super market around the corner, or the one down the road?
- Going to sleep during the first chorus.
- The Church Warden.
- Getting back ache from the pew.
- Strength of communion wine.
- Have I turned my phone on silent?
- Does my neighbor have a bigger and better gun on him then I do?
Guns in Churches? Good or bad idea?
Read More about point 10 at The Christian Post.