How To Arrange Seats In Church

Normally when this blog discusses Church seating arrangements, it is in the context of arguing between the use of chairs or Church pews.

Today, I’d like to present the above diagram, showing how seats can be arranged in Church.

As you can see, the seats are presented in a semicircle, giving the speaker a fantastic chance to engage with as many people as possible.

It also means that preschoolers can wave and shout hello at each other during the service.

How do you arrange you seats in church, and why is that a silly move?

(Yes the above diagram was indeed written on the back of a Church Notice Sheet, during a church service.

Can you spot the moment when I felt I should stand up during worship?)


How To Stay Cool in Church

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but its hot. Well its hot in Devon anyway.

I imagine its also hot elsewhere.

Its also hot in Churches around England.

So how do you deal with Church, when you turn up and its massively hot?

Here are our ten ideas of how to stay cool in church when its massively hot. 

  1. Open the flipping windows!
  2. Have a mass baptism service. Just get everyone into the baptism pool. If nothing else it will cool everyone down.
  3. Give Pizza Hut a call, get a ice cream delivery, yes – to be delivered during the service.
  4. Relocate the church service to the nearest mountain top / river bed / supermarket freezer cabinets.
  5. Give out emergency water bottles.
  6. Install cold showers at the back of the church.
  7. Decrease the chance of any one fainting during the service and just edit EVERYTHING down!
  8. Giant air fans. Everywhere!
  9. Swap out bread and wine for ice cream.
  10. Naked church.

Any other ideas?

Looking for a new church

What to look for in a new Church?

Everything on this earth changes. TV Shows end, The Doctor regenerates, and pizza gets eaten. On a similar note, you may not stay at your church forever. One day, you may well find yourself looking for a different church to worship at.

The reasons why you’re looking for a new church may vary, perhaps there were theological differences about the arrangement of the chairs? Maybe you were put off by the new lady preacher? Or maybe… you either just fancy a change / ‘called’ to a different church / moved to a different area.

Whatever your reason, here are 10 things to look out for in a new Church:

  1. Does the Church meet at a reasonable time on a Sunday morning?
  2. Obviously your new church must be exactly like the Church in Ephesians Chapter 4.
  3. Make sure the preacher agrees with your understanding of the Bible.
  4. Ensure the worship music is YOUR style of music.
  5. Is it a mature Church?
  6. Does this church have the correct understanding of the work of the Holy Spirit and how that work is manifested?
  7. Is the truth spoken by people “in love”?
  8. Is the coffee drinkable?
  9. The minister is someone who is charismatic, sensitive, clever, musically gifted, open to questions, a natural charismatic, time for everyone, always smiling, and driving the growth of the church.
  10. Remember. Looking for a church exactly the same as your old church is ridiculous. No one can clone that many people at an affordable price. Yet.

Any other ideas?

Big List of Alternative Bibles to Read

Need An Alternative Bible?

Its a new year, its a time for things to start afresh, and break our resolutions!

To help you keep that resolution to read your Bible more, here is our big list of Alternative Bibles!

The Minecraft Bible

Do you know someone who needs a Bible?

How about someone who enjoys the computer version of Lego known as Minecraft?

Bible-Minecraft

Available from Amazon

This Tiny Bible

Small-Bible

Obviously for really tiny people

The Manga Bible

Manga-Bible

One for fans of the Japanese way of cartoons.

Available from here.

Brick Bible

Rae you a fan of Lego?

Are you a fan of the Bible?

You might enjoy The Brick Bible

cover

Klingon Bible

Yes.

A Klingon Bible. As in the language spoken by Klingons in Star Trek.

Yes. There is a Bible translation in Klingon.

Its not available to buy, but you can view it online!

LoLCat

And you thought a Klingon Bible was.. different…

51uYdO9P4eLAvailable from Amazon… if you must…

Any other Bibles you can suggest?

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission.I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

 

 

The Church Sofa Awards 2015

Welcome to the sixth (SIXTH!) edition of The Church Sofa Awards.

This is where we celebrate the best and sometimes worse moments of 2015, featured both on this blog and around the internet. Obviously the standard rules apply, no actual awards will be given out or indeed harmed during these proceedings.

The first award is…

Church Notice Board of The Year:  Well this interesting bit of advertising seemed popular again. Not sure why…

Church-WTFy

Twitter Hero of The Year: @ChurchLive. A year long project from the Church of  England in partnership with TwitterUK to broadcast church services across the world using the Periscope app. If you’re home at Church time on a Sunday morning, then check it out and attend Church online instead.

Most useful Church Sofa List: Sofa does try and educate people about Church and Churchy things through the form of lists. This years most popular list seems to be A Reminder of What Is Not in The Bible. I still sometimes ponder writing more about what isn’t in the Bible….

Returning Face: Mark Driscoll who has filed papers registering his new church in Arizona…

Most Popular Thing Jesus Didn’t Say:

 

Simpsons Moment of The Year:

Taking a trip to Lego Church…

Hero of The World.

The characters within Sofas world have voted, debated, and voted again, and theres only one winner.

In a year which benefits cuts increased, Terror visited Paris, The Rugby World Cup came to England, and  Tragedy swept over the Med, one man managed to get drum up a lot of interest in American Politics.

This man is Donald Trump*.

Congratulations Donald !

*This last award may not be serious… Actually none of them are really serious…

What do you reckon? Are then any awards which we should have included??

Any awards that should have been different?

Any highlights that we’ve missed out?