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A Theme Tune To The End of The World?

Or… do we know that the world is ending because of this song?

Either way. I’m sorry if this gets stuck in your head.

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The Church Sofa team have sat through some Church related meetings… and other random meetings as well. Here’s someways to help survive yet another meeting:

1. Subtly text someone else who is also looking bored in the same meeting.
2. When offered a drink, ask for water. Slowly replace it with Gin when no one is looking.
3. just pull your phone out look at the screen and calmly exclaim “oh good God” and rush out. not too dramatically though. later when asked why you left, look slightly embarrassed say sorry “I cant really talk about it. you know how these can be”. confused they will just agree with you. and you are all free!
4. Try some gentle rocking. That will probably get you excused.
5. Dont get angry. Getting angry will only lead to the meeting being even longer then it needs to be.
6. Someone not there? I’m sure they’ll love to do “that” job.
7. Plot how hard you have to fall out your chair to be excused from the meeting, but not need a hospital trip.
8. Wear one of those glasses which has open eyes on the front. While you enjoy being asleep.
9. Get hold of some Google Glasses, that way even though you are at the meeting, you can be doing something more useful. Like… watching Doctor Who… or something…
10. Play a game of “word bingo” with a friend. Obviously feel free to cheat, but when your list of words have been spoken during the meeting you do have to shout out “BINGO!”

Any more tips to share?

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Day 288, 15th June: Jeremiah, 2 Thessalonians and Proverbs
Jeremiah 31:15-32:25
2 Thessalonians 3:1-18
Proverbs 25:1-10

Day 289, 16th June: Jeremiah, 1 Timothy and Psalms
Jeremiah 32:26-34:22
1 Timothy 1:1-20
Psalm 119:41-48

Day 290, 17th June: Jeremiah, 1 Timothy and Psalms
Jeremiah 35:1-37:21
1 Timothy 2:1-15
Psalm 119:49-56

Day 291, 18th June: Jeremiah, 1 Timothy and Psalms
Jeremiah 38:1-40:6
1 Timothy 3:1-16
Psalm 119:57-64

Day 292, 19th June: Jeremiah, 1 Timothy and Proverbs
Jeremiah 40:7-42:22
1 Timothy 4:1-16
Proverbs 25:11-20

Day 293, 20th June: Jeremiah, 1 Timothy and Psalms
Jeremiah 43:1-45:5
1 Timothy 5:1-6:1
Psalm 119:65-72

Day 294, 21st June: Jeremiah, 1 Timothy and Psalms
Jeremiah 46:1-47:7
1 Timothy 6:3-21
Psalm 119:73-80

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Its normally a serious moment, but has your mind ever wondered during a communion service at all?

If it does. Dont think of these things.

1. If communion is shared around a circle, dont wonder if anyone sharing the cup has the plague.
2. If individual cups are used, don’t wonder which cup you would put the poison in.
3. Dont think about poisoning people, animals, or goats.
4. Why is only the vicar allowed to do communion? I thought we were all equal before God?
5. No the bread isn’t stale enough to warrant a food fight.
6. (If in a church that uses non alcoholic wine). Dont wonder if the Ribena has suddenly become alcoholic.
7. When the vicar is away, its probably best not to wonder why The Powers That Be insist that a visiting vicar needs to come in and do communion.
8. Dont wonder if it will be funny if you sneeze as you have the communion wine in your mouth – mid gulp – you’ll probably end up doing it, and you might just end up choking. And thats not fun for anybody. Remember its a communion service, there isn’t time for a funeral. So dont choke on the communion wine.
9. In many Churches, Communion is a serious moment. Its quiet. People might have their heads down. People may be praying. Do not think about how funny it will be if you laugh. Dont think about laughing. Because you’ll swallow that urge to laugh, but then. You’ll think about how funny it might have been if you did laugh, and now the urge to laugh is stronger then before… etc… etc…
10. Work out a way to ensure the vicar has loads of wine to consume at the end. Watch to see if he really drinks all of it. Maybe offer him a lift home?

Any more?

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Day 281, 8th June: Jeremiah, Colossians and Psalms
Jeremiah 16:1-17:27
Colossians 4:2-18
Psalm 118:17-29

Day 282, 9th June: Jeremiah, 1 Thessalonians and Psalms
Jeremiah 18:1-20:18
Thessalonians 1:1-2:16
Psalm 119:1-8

Day 283, 10th June: Jeremiah, 1 Thessalonians and Psalms
Jeremiah 21:1-23:8
Thessalonians 2:17-3:13
Psalm 119:9-16

Day 284, 11th June: Jeremiah, 1 Thessalonians and Proverbs
Jeremiah 23:9-25:14
1 Thessalonians 4:1-18
Proverbs 24:23-34

Day 285, 12th June: Jeremiah, 1 Thessalonians and Psalms
Jeremiah 25:15-26:24
1 Thessalonians 5:1-28
Psalm 119:17-24

Day 286, 13th June: Jeremiah, 2 Thessalonians and Psalms
Jeremiah 27:1-29:23
2 Thessalonians 1:1-12
Psalm 119:25-32

Day 287, 14th June: Jeremiah, 2 Thessalonians and Psalms
Jeremiah 29:24-31:14
2 Thessalonians 2:1-17
Psalm 119:33-40

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