Summer Holiday Plans?

I’ve got a bit of Summer holiday booked in from work at the end of August.

At the rate the weathers going, I’m going to need to plan for my holiday in the style of Noah, who could be argued, created the original plans for a “English Summer Holiday”.

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When You Have A Substitute Preacher

Do you remember when you were at school? 

Do you remember how everyone seemed to behave a little “differently” when a substitute teacher was involved?

What if churches behaved like that when they have a substitute preacher / minister person? What sort of behavior would that look like? Here’s the Church Sofa list of ideas for activities for when a Church has a substitue pracher…

  1. Sing the wrong tune for each song during worship. For example sing “Amazing Grace” to the tune of “How Great Thou Art”.
  2. Swap the water bottle for vodka.*
  3. Sit down for the hymns Stand up for the sermon (May backfire in case of long sermon).
  4. Give out a different Bible translation to normal.
  5. Have powerpoint style presentation slides? Show all the slides in the wrong order. Possibly also include a good picture of the regular preacher – just to remind people of who they’re missing. 
  6. Write a note on the back of the notice sheet, see how far the note can be passed before the minister gets suspicious.
  7. (If in a more traditional church) Shout AMEN for EACH POINT during the sermons.
  8. (If in a loud charismatic church) Stay quiet during the sermon.
  9. Get a guy to stand at the back making the “your zip is low” motion. Take bets to see how long it takes for the minister to look uncomfortable.
  10. Have a communion service? Swap the red wine for white.

Any other ideas?

*Maybe also hide their car keys. 

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How Avengers 4 Follows The Infinity War

STOP! Have you seen Avengers Infinity War yet?

Seriously. I don’t want to be accused of spoilers now…

If you care about Avengers Infinity War (which you should), AND YOU’VE NOT SEEN IT, LOOK AWAY NOW!

Still here…

Scroll past Spoiler Darth for our exclusive look at Avengers 4…

Continue reading “How Avengers 4 Follows The Infinity War”

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The Rapture Survival Kit

In case you missed it. There is apparently an Apocalypse planned to take place fairly soon. Depending your choice of news outlet / personal religious teaching / worldview / blog, will impact on if you think this is The Apocalypse / An  Apocalypse / The Rapture, or indeed, another day.

Well JUST IN CASE something does happen, here’s what The Sofa suggests having on your person just in case…

  1. Spray Paint. Perfect for spray painting Bible verses over walls, trains, abandoned shops etc.
  2. Clothing. Just in case of sudden air raising, make sure when an apocalypse is planned, to wear clothes at ALL TIMES. (Indeed, clothing is generally a good thing to wear in general anyway).
  3. Plenty of Prescription Meds. If you need prescription meds that is, because well if you don’t then this would be a little naughty.
  4. Running shoes. In case of Zombie Apocalypse.
  5. A copy of the Left Behind series of novels. To act as a guide / hindrance depending how accurate they are.
  6. Bomb Proof Bible.
  7. Holy Water. Because, well you never know.
  8. A Torch. Because light, is good at dealing with dark.
  9. The AntiChrist Detector. Looking like something out of Doctor Who, when you point it at people, it will go “Ding” if it detects AntiChrist. Sadly it would probably act like it came from Doctor Who and go “ding” a little too often.

What else would you suggest that people have on them?

For an alternative take on a Rapture Survival Kit, please see rapture-survival-kit.com

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The Jesus Model

Are you wanting to create an Easter diorama?

Perhaps an intricate scene showing Jesus on the cross?

Do you want to detail Jesus as white man, with possibly blonde hair?

Try this cheery little model

Grab him from Amazon, and brighten up your Easter!

(Affiliate link above)

 

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Eating “Apocalypse Food”

What happens when a couple of Buzzfeed reporters try food sold by American Televangelist Jim Bakker…

Considering the state of some of the supermarkets around here in the aftermath of Storm Emma, perhaps Exeter could do with some of this guys food buckets.

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

Photographer.

Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.