The Rapture Survival Kit

In case you missed it. There is apparently an Apocalypse planned to take place fairly soon. Depending your choice of news outlet / personal religious teaching / worldview / blog, will impact on if you think this is The Apocalypse / An  Apocalypse / The Rapture, or indeed, another day.

Well JUST IN CASE something does happen, here’s what The Sofa suggests having on your person just in case…

  1. Spray Paint. Perfect for spray painting Bible verses over walls, trains, abandoned shops etc.
  2. Clothing. Just in case of sudden air raising, make sure when an apocalypse is planned, to wear clothes at ALL TIMES. (Indeed, clothing is generally a good thing to wear in general anyway).
  3. Plenty of Prescription Meds. If you need prescription meds that is, because well if you don’t then this would be a little naughty.
  4. Running shoes. In case of Zombie Apocalypse.
  5. A copy of the Left Behind series of novels. To act as a guide / hindrance depending how accurate they are.
  6. Bomb Proof Bible.
  7. Holy Water. Because, well you never know.
  8. A Torch. Because light, is good at dealing with dark.
  9. The AntiChrist Detector. Looking like something out of Doctor Who, when you point it at people, it will go “Ding” if it detects AntiChrist. Sadly it would probably act like it came from Doctor Who and go “ding” a little too often.

What else would you suggest that people have on them?

For an alternative take on a Rapture Survival Kit, please see rapture-survival-kit.com

The Jesus Model

Are you wanting to create an Easter diorama?

Perhaps an intricate scene showing Jesus on the cross?

Do you want to detail Jesus as white man, with possibly blonde hair?

Try this cheery little model

Grab him from Amazon, and brighten up your Easter!

(Affiliate link above)

 

Eating “Apocalypse Food”

What happens when a couple of Buzzfeed reporters try food sold by American Televangelist Jim Bakker…

Considering the state of some of the supermarkets around here in the aftermath of Storm Emma, perhaps Exeter could do with some of this guys food buckets.

10 Tips For Hosting A Christian Christmas Party

Well, its Christmas. As well as the season of mince pies, Santa, Christmas Carols, nativity plays, and random livestock, it is also the season of the Christmas Party. But how should a Christian host a Christmas party?

Here are 10 tips to help you host a Christian Christmas Party… 

  1. Remember this is a Christian CHRISTMAS Party. Remind people of the authentic Christmas experience, and bring livestock into your home.
  2. Give plenty of thought to the music you play. Sofa recommends something like this.
  3. Boil the mulled wine… lots.
  4. Arrange for someone to sit next to your door in your hallway, whispering scripture into peoples ears as they enter. This is to ensure peoples minds are on scripture as soon as they arrive. (And not on the weirdo sat in your hallway).
  5. Host an outdoor worship service in your garden. Make sure its loud.
  6. As well as remembering the birth of Jesus, this is also the season of giving. Ensure all your guest have a suitable Bible commentary as a present. In regards to any presents you receive, ensure you pause and offer a prayer of thanks before opening EVERY present.
  7. Need a party game? Play guess the Bible Reference.
  8. Its Christmas. The season of GREAT JOY! What ever happens, ensure all your guests are smiling. A lot.
  9. Obviously, you also need to be smiling alot.
  10. In the spirit of the season, have a live nativity scene outside your front door. This is probably better with livestock.

Any I’ve missed?

This Christmas – Play Christmas Carol Service Bingo!

We are about to enter the season of Christmas Carol Services in Churches around the world.

Have you ever sat in one and felt that it felt oddly familiar? Maybe the service feels the same as a previous one, but with a few changes?

To test that feeling, we have The Christmas Carol Service Bingo Game. Please feel free to print out the below, and share the bingo cards along the back row, during the Carol Services of this upcoming Christmas season.

Make sure you share a Mince Pie and some mulled wine while playing…

Christmas-Carol-Service-Bingo-Cards

Obviously, when you get a line, don’t shout AMEN if you complete a line… shout HARK! or something…

What happened to cell churches?

Searching For Church

Thisandy and his family are currently looking for a new church to call home. We loved our old church but it wasnt the right place for us and we felt God leading us to somewhere new.

So like Abraham we set off into the desert (Exeter) with no clue of where we were headed. It turns out you can spend a long time looking for a church to join. Whether its a key theology you do or don’t believe in or a practical issue like they dont have children’s groups for under 5’s and you’re both likely to be involved on a sunday morning (admittedly only an issue you have an under 5).

What I’ve noticed in Exeter is a lack of Cell Churches, where the core part of the church is local small groups that have a genuine outreach and impact on their local community and all the cell groups might meet together once a month, but your core place of meeting is your cell group yet you affiliate to the larger body.

Back in the early 2000’s it seemed you couldn’t go anywhere without meeting some who was either in or loved Cell Churches.

If you’re a cell church still thriving please comment….we love you and miss you.

What do you all think of cell churches?

What would you look for in one?