Have you ever struggled to get yourself to church on time? If you have children, you’ll know that the struggle to get children AND adults to church on time, has its own challenges*. Now admittedly we only have Little Sofa, so perhaps this speaks of our own organisation, but I figured it would be interesting to note down our typical timeline of events before we leave for church on a Sunday morning.
The minutes before we need to leave, are in bold…
65 minutes : Everyone goes to get clothes on.
60 minutes: Little Sofa successfully lobbies for a bath.
55 : Upon being told that bath is ready, Little Sofa proceeds to play statues.
50 : Little Sofa is put into the bath.
30 : Negotiations begin over who washes whose hair.
20: Hair washed. Little Sofa thrown into clothes.
15: Negotiations over different clothing begin.
10: Daddy challenges Little Sofa over who can get ready first. Little Sofa shouts “Me!”
9 minutes, 50 seconds. : Daddy checks twitter.
9 minutes, 49 seconds : Little Sofa declares that she is ready, and yes. Indeed. She also has shoes on.
8 minutes : Daddy falls downstairs, he finds Little Sofa was joking and is in fact just finishing getting clothes on.
5 minutes : The Game Of Statues restarts.
3 minutes: There is a shout “I’m already! I got my shoes on before you!”. She is in fact, next to the front door, with shoes on. Where as, Daddy doesn’t have shoes on. Or socks for that matter.
Time to go!!!!: There is a shout of “Can I bring all my babies” *proceeds to go upstairs to bring, all her babies**
5 minutes late : ALL THE BABIES ARE IN THE CAR. Once the car is parked up, there is a request of… “I want to bring all the babies… they might cry if I leave them in the car!”
Negotiations begin over which babies should stay in the car.
*Obviously some families manage to get everyone of their huge family to church on time. Every weekend. Fresh faced, and smiling. These people are obviously on a heavenly fast track, as examples of pure Godly organisation.
** Dolls. Not babies. I repeat. They are really dolls. Lots and lots of dolls.
When Little Sofa tried to arrange a nativity at home, the first step was to assign roles…
Long time readers of The Sofa will know of my daughter, “Little Sofa”. I don’t mention her often as this place is often about silly church things… not little person things.
Now, if you don’t have kids yourself, they seem to hate the concept of going to relax in a bed and gently going to sleep for the night. (It’s like they believe that they’ll miss out on all the fun if they sleep.)
Normally kids employ tactics to stay up like, running, dancing, needing a wee, and going to the toilet.
Lately I’ve noticed that Little Sofa occasionally tries a different technique to avoid going to sleep… She starts talking about church things… and well I guess we’re never sure how much we should tell her to go to sleep if she’s asking questions about Jesus?
Anyway here’s a collection of Christian style techniques she has employed to stay awake. (Some of which I may have made up):
- Opens up and explains what they did at Sunday school / holiday club.
- Asks questions about diversity within the human race, and why we’re created differently.
- Asks about the people out in the lions den.
- “Did Jesus go to school?”
- Test parents about deep theological matters.
- Starts writing practice. Writing Bible verses.
- Insists on a really long prayer.
- Sings a long forgotten song from Holiday Club, really nicely, with cute dialed up to 12.
- “How does God know our name?”
- Complains about a dream during which they are chased by a really big blue book.
Any more you can offer?
A conversation between the little one and myself, after I saw her sitting in the corner of the kitchen…
Little Sofa had her first Sunday at a Childrens group which wasn’t creche today. In an attempt to engage her in conversation about it, Mrs Sofa asked her about a puppet that we believe might be Jesus.
Mrs Sofa: “Did Jesus go and see all the people?”
Little Sofa: (Very firm) “No”
Mrs Sofa: “Did Jesus sit down and eat a sandwich?”
Little Sofa: *Thinks for a moment* Yeah…
Is it ever to early to be an evangelist?
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A little miracle happened on Sunday. The Church Sofa family made it to the Church service on time! Now this wasn’t without the toddler seeming to put her best efforts into making us late for Church. As we were leaving the house for the second time that morning, I wondered exactly how Toddlers can make you late for Church.
- The toddler asks… “One more Topsy and Tim / Bing / Kate and Mim Mim”
- The cry of, “I need a WEEEE”, just as you’re leaving the front door.
- Hiding your Bible. (Or using your Bible as a chew toy)
- The toddler deciding that, they don’t want that doggy toy, they want the other doggy toy.
- Dropping the toy Jesus just as you’re leaving.
- “One more Topsy and Tim / Bing / Kate and Mim Mim… Pleeeeeeaaaaaasssssseeee”
- Wanting to go in the driving seat of the car, and making that known by climbing past their car seat, and into the front.
- Deciding that no, they don’t want the bribe you offered to get out the house.
- Hearing a cry of “Oh No, POO!”
- Wanting to bring about 20 to many toys, therefore its time to turn into a top negotiator, and agree on an amount of toys that are acceptable to all parties.
What other ways do toddlers make you late?