Church Sofa Lists

Hello. Our Church is still a Mac.

With thanks to @gerrarrdus here are a few more:

  1. Everyone in it thinks its great. Everyone else is kinda confused by it.
  2. The Church leader wears dorky clothes and is uncomfortable around women* (can be confused with fundamentalist Baptists)
  3. When it gets hot, you find out people dont know how to use windows properly.

*[Editors Note – Can also be applied to plenty of PC owners / churches as well]

Any more. Please feel free to leave a comment below:

Hello. Our Church Is A Mac

With thanks to @PaulMTilley @gerrarrdus, here are ten signs of a church being a Mac:

  1. Lets face it you look nice.
  2. Your Church building is very easy to find your way around – once you get used to it.
  3. Everyone involved is so so passionate! You dont need help with evangelism at your church… you do it anyway!
  4. Everyone looks so good, there’s almost a dress code.
  5. Pastoral care is nice and easy… No one ever feels broken.
  6. On that note… No one admits to getting a virus either.
  7. Style over teaching?
  8. You employ a creative director, because you’re that creative
  9. Leaky roof? PA system blown up? Thats ok, people can find the money to help replace bits and pieces.
  10. You might do the same stuff but you know it looks more exciting than the PC down the road

Any more?

Hello. Our Church Is A PC

With thanks to @PaulMTilley @gerrarrdus, here are ten signs of a church being a PC:

  1. My Word! You’re a practical bunch aren’t you!
  2. Nicely accepting as well anyone can join in.
  3. Shame you lot accept any passing colds and other viruses as well…
  4. You’re honest. You accept your failings.
  5. If someone wants to bring their friend along… the chances are their friend is going to fit in easier with you than the Mac down the road…
  6. Teaching over style?
  7. You try and start on time, but it takes a while to get started.
  8. Remember that time everything was going really well, smoothly, in the flow, then it… all goes blue!
  9. Simple questions all the time. For Example “Are you sure you want to pray? Yes or No”
  10. When a service goes wrong, you need to stop, close all the church windows, then start the service again.

Is there anything we should have included?

Part 2 is due later this week…

Top 10 Embarrassing Moments In A Church Service

You know its going to be a bad service when:

  1. You’re singing loudly, and out of tune… without realising your minister has changed the song lyrics.
  2. The baby you’ve been asked to hold, throws up…over your face.
  3. If I told you about The Giggle Loop… you’d be part of The Giggle Loop
  4. The Prayer time starts… so does your coughing fit.
  5. You grab your bottle of Coke… open the bottle… swig… and it drops as you put it down. Its amazing how far a bottle of coke can spread over a floor.
  6. Two words. Nose Bleed.
  7. You’re sat dead in the middle of the congregation… and you need to fart…
  8. You miscalculate the amount of sweets you’re taking out your pocket… dropping them loudly on the floor.
  9. Its quiet. Its serious. People are crying. Your phone rings. Loudly.
  10. You stand up in front of the Church Service… and wonder if you really did your flies up earlier.

Any that we’ve missed out?

101 Things To Do When Your Computer Breaks

While on a train down from Manchester, we started writing a list…

  1. Watch TV
  2. Watch that DVD you’ve been meaning to watch
  3. Use wii fit
  4. Talk with a person you live with.
  5. Listen to a person you live with.
  6. If you don’t live with anyone – phone someone you know.
  7. Know noone? Take a wonder to your community centre and see if there are any events that take your fancy.
  8. Use your bike.
  9. Take a walk.
  10. Wash up.
  11. Water the plants.
  12. Got kids? Play with them.
  13. Married and dont have kids? Do something about that.

How to make Church more exciting

Well this evening we took a quick survey of the people we could find, and asked them “How would you make church more exciting?”. These are the top ten answers we got:

  1. In door fireworks… At any given moment
  2. Britain’s got talent style buzzers used during the sermon
  3. If the preacher goes over the allocated time slot… Paint ball guns…
  4. Mute button on the worship leader for when he / she goes off on one.
  5. An interesting way of presenting the Bible reading
  6. A gunge tank… Because they’re not used enough these days…
  7. When someone finds a name thats complete unpronouncable a competition to be the first to say it the most ridiculusly should follow
  8. Drop subtle word changes into the song lyrics and see how many people around you  actually sing them.
  9. After the service ends – organise fort building challenges using the pews / chairs / leadership team – to help build community.
  10. Employ a clown to welcome people in.

The Church Sofa Awards 2010

For some odd reason people seem to like celebrating the passing of time… and who are we to ignore a band wagon?

Here are the Church Sofa Awards – results based on what we see from our sofa:

Twitter Hero: Dave Walker – For a combination of his fairly funny tweets and  for bringing the Steelroots saga to everyones attention.

Best Web Project: The Natwivity – Really really close run thing… But… the website… Facebook… Twitter… Loved it!
Honourable Mention: The Big Bible Project

Biggest Challenge: Phil Cooke asks do you show up?

Best Christian-Blogger-Who-Is-Kinda-Well-Known-In-Christian-Circles: Vicky Beeching – Great blog for a combination of worship stuff, church comment, tech comment, and Beechingness.

The Best Bad Idea: Why you don’t celebrate Christmas in Church with a Camel.

Best Alien: Elvis – because the Daleks haven’t yet wrote a blog post…

Villain of the year: Steelroots  – The American TV Station – not the youthgroup… We would hate anyone to be confused….. (Find more info here )

15 Things We Can Learn From Lord of The Rings

Last night, we took advantage of the extra hour by completing the trip through Middle Earth, by watching the epic-length “Return of The King”.
As I watching it, I couldn’t help but think about the plots and characters interwoven throughout all 3 books / movies, and wondered what we could learn from them.  So here we present the Church Sofa list of things we can learn from The Lord of The Rings:
    1. If you’re going to walk in the river – make sure you can swim
    2. Don’t put all your trust in your first wizard, wait for the ‘White’ one to come along
    3. Make sure you don’t follow an insane leader
    4. Be careful if that random old uncle gives you a random ring. If he does, do yourself a favour… Lock it away somewhere safe, leave it alone, and run!
    5. They do indeed come in pints
    6. Some times you need that extra gulp of beer before you chat to the pretty bar maid.
    7. Don’t tell small people to go away, you may need them to watch your back sooner then you think.
    8. Don’t try and steal rings from little people.
    9. If a wise and trusted old wizard tells you not to touch a giant marble… Don’t touch it.
    10. Be careful when wondering in dark caves, you may want to check for any local rumours of monsters before you go in there.
    11. Does your gardener have a weird spaced out look in his eyes? If so make sure he hasn’t nicked the ring that random old uncle gave you.
    12. The night can only last so long, come sun rise you will get reinforcements
    13. You won’t always get the right man for the job – sometimes you’ll need a woman.
    14. Every now and then you may need someone to carry you.
    15. Sometimes you need things to go that badly wrong to know what you can really do.

With thanks to our fantastic Twitter followers for their inspiration.

Is there any more we could include?