Your vicar / rev / minister / local preacher has a big birthday coming up. There’s a nice big party, and everyone’s invited to come along, but you feel like you should pick up a gift… Well here’s a list of gifts that people can buy their vicar:
- Communion Wine.
- Communion Bread
- Theology book of your choice.
- New Robes
- Bible Computer Software. To help speed that sermon prep up a little bit!
- A lovely board game like “Apples to Apples”.
- A Christian Hoodie.
- A Christian Tapestry… seriously….
- A Bible! (The correct translation obviously!)
- Something to look after the said Bible… How about a Jeremiah 29:11 bible cover?
What your vicar might actually want:
Whats the tackiest churchy thing you’ve been given??
It’s a saga that has carried on through the ages.
Watching it is like a torch that gets passed from generation to generation.
I am obviously referring to the legend that is Star Wars*. To celebrate watching this fine masterpiece just the other night here are 10 lessons we can take from Star Wars:
- Ignore small people at your peril.
- Yes old people can be wise… and useful in a fight.
- There are alternatives to fighting.
- “I’ve got a very bad feeling about this”
- “Whose more foolish? The fool? Or the fool that follows it?”
- Women in leadership can get you out of trouble…
- Sometimes you have to stop fighting, in order to win.
- Computers don’t always get it right…
- Feeling under pressure? Close your eyes.
- Does that dude seem uninterested in you? Keep interested in him. He might come back.
*In this case we are talking about Star Wars Episode 4: A New Hope.
Any more out there?
In churches around the world today, sermons will be preached, words will be given, and lessons will be learnt.
To aid with this, a lot of preachers use “sermon illustrations” to try and explain, what can be at times, fairly complicated ideas. These illustrations can be in the form of movies, dramas, a quick story, or even a joke. Whatever form the illustration takes, they are normally quick and well controlled.
Ever wished these illustrations were… more interactive? Here are ten physical illustrations that you could do to help your minister*:
- Make an ark out of pews…
- Revelation type sermon? Ask a friend to lay your clothes down on a spare chair. See if any one looks worried.
- Re-enact almost child sacrifice
- Make a hole in church roof
- Fill up your baptism pool, try walking on it…
- Challenge. Drag a bush into the church building, set it alight… Without it burning…
- Prove how difficult it is to get a camel through the eye of a needle.
- Try and share 5 loaves and two fish as in-service snacks between the entire congregation.
- Try to summon fire from heaven.
- Is there a sermon on the Arc of the covenant? Re-enact THAT scene at the end of Indiana jones!
*Please be aware that some of the above could be fairly dangerous, and may result in police involvement, water damage, fire damage, and / or death. So dont blame us for anything!
Welcome to the second Annual Church Sofa Awards, where we celebrate the best and sometimes worse moments of 2011.
Church Notice Board of The Year: This was a close run thing with this gem from back in June getting the most hits, but this one isn’t a peoples vote – so we’re going for this little poster we found back in August:
Twitter Hero: Kathryn Rose aka @artsyhonker for organising the Flash Evensong outside St Pauls (Nominated by @Gerrarrdus).
Best Web Project: Easter Live – For giving me an excuse to play with Lego…
Biggest Challenge: Only takes 3 seconds – An amazing watch…
The Peoples Choice of Best Christian / Church Blog: The Vernacular Vicar. As voted by… lots of people…
Best Alien: Elvis – He even featured in his own road trip video.
Villain of the year: Harold Camping – The End of The World guy…
Honorable Mention: Westminster Abbey – for showing us how not to do PR…
Simpsons Moment of The Year: The Importance of sermon prep…
So have we got anything wrong? Are then any awards which we should have included??
Should the Villain had been different?
Let any debate begin!
I’ve found myself at a random train station, with time to kill before the train comes. I’ve got my iPhone, a random old newspaper, and mobile reception. Well I’ve read that newspaper a few times know, and I’ve got a #digidisciple post to write, so I figured I’d introduce you to my current top ten iOS apps to keep you sane and connected while travelling.
The great news is – most of these apps are free!
The mobile app is widely thought of possibly the best way to access the webs newest social network, with a “nearby” function built into it that enables you to connect with people local to you. Check this article out by @asaltbde which looks into Google Plus in a little more depth.
The official Facebook app, nuff said really…
There feels like a million different Twitter apps, but what makes this different and worth paying for? Quite simply; its easy to use, packed full of funtions, beautiful to look at, and its stable. If you use Twitter on a regular basis, this is worth the couple of quid.
Are you likely to get wet when you’re out and about?
For those times which you feel compelled to misbehave, we’re proud to present; 10 Ways to put off the preacher / speaker:
- They’ve dressed smart! You never see them that smart. Point and laugh before he goes up the front
- He’s shaved. Every time he looks at you… Stroke your beard. If you have a beard.
- Does he have his phone on silent? Text him… Find out…
- Silent. Deadly. See if it reaches the speaker.
- Remember that large phone from Trigger Happy Tv? That.
- Wear masks during the sermon. Claim you’re joining #OccupyTheSermon movement.
- Every time the speaker looks at you. Wink.
- Keep an eye on the football scores, hold up score cards during the service.
- Have a child in need of winding, and may possibly spit up? Pass the kid over to the speaker to sort just before the service…forget the cloth…
- Preaching from an iPad? Tweet him / her… See what happens
Team Church Sofa are not responsible for anything that may or may not happen as a result of any of the above actions!
We all get moments like this, at least we hope it isn’t just us. But sometimes there is something we just really don’t want to do: go to Church. Please find below our ten top tips on what to do in this situation. And please remember, as always, that we cannot be held responsible if any of these tips end up with you either going to hospital, losing your job, dying, being molested by squirrels, or anything else you might find unpleasant, oh and going to church.
- Stay in bed
- Consider playing football…
- Sit on the sofa, watch match of the day again and drink a beer (we know it’s early, but you do get wine at church…)
- “Something for the Weekend” / “T4”
- Its a sunny morning. Get outside. Enjoy it.
- Watch an online church service, on your laptop, while in bed.
- Make use of that gym membership you paid for ages ago
- Turn up for church for coffee at the end and pretend that you’d been there the whole time (please note: you may need to read the notice sheet from last week just in case someone questions you about the sermon i.e. the preacher)
- Go to church
Any comments on the above?
If you ever anything like me, it doesn’t matter how interesting a speaker is, sometimes your mind does wonder during a presentation. Or you may have a moment or two of downtime between parts of the day.
If this happens to you – try these games. Please note you dont have to be at a Christian Media conference for many of these games to actually work.
- Try and work out the percentage of Mac to Windows laptops in any given room.
- Congratulate anyone using a Linux operating system.
- Compare avatars to actual faces. Does anyone really look like their avatar?
- Do those premier signs still have photos of various cathedrals on them? If so try and work out which city each one is found in.
- Spot if anyone is sulking because they didn’t get a wifi slot.
- Tell @DigitalNun that she is by far the coolest nun you’ve come across.
- Encourage the conference presenter to organise a Mexican wave in the main lecture hall – via The Twitterfall
- How many vicars are there in the room? / How many vicars are there in disguise?
- Play hunt the person you want to meet up with, via clues on Twitter. Love the fact he greats you like an old friend.
- Count the amount of gadgets.
For the record – these games were made up on the train journey home, not during any presentations!!!
*The Church Sofa team are not responsible for any odd looks or people questioning your sanity if you do try any of the above out.
Ok. A While back we asked what you would like to see on a Church / Church Sofa TShirt.
The Nominations are in.
What would you like to see on a ChurchSofa T Shirt?
Please place your vote below! (You can vote for more then one – but not for all of them)
The Winning slogans will be announced… at somepoint.