Church Sofa Half Serious Guide To Church: Sermon Illustrations

In churches around the world today, sermons will be preached, words will be given, and lessons will be learnt.

To aid with this, a lot of preachers use “sermon illustrations” to try and explain, what can be at times, fairly complicated ideas. These illustrations can be in the form of movies, dramas, a quick story, or even a joke. Whatever form the illustration takes, they are normally quick and well controlled.

Ever wished these illustrations were… more interactive? Here are ten physical illustrations that you could do to help your minister*:

  1. Make an ark out of pews…
  2. Revelation type sermon? Ask a friend to lay your clothes down on a spare chair. See if any one looks worried.
  3. Re-enact almost child sacrifice
  4. Make a hole in church roof
  5. Fill up your baptism pool, try walking on it…
  6. Challenge. Drag a bush into the church building, set it alight… Without it burning…
  7. Prove how difficult it is to get a camel through the eye of a needle.
  8. Try and share 5 loaves and two fish as in-service snacks between the entire congregation.
  9. Try to summon fire from heaven.
  10. Is there a sermon on the Arc of the covenant? Re-enact THAT scene at the end of Indiana jones!

*Please be aware that some of the above could be fairly dangerous, and may result in police involvement, water damage, fire damage, and / or death. So dont blame us for anything!

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The Church Sofa Awards 2011

Welcome to the second Annual Church Sofa Awards, where we celebrate the best and sometimes worse moments of 2011.

Church Notice Board of The Year: This was a close run thing with this gem from back in June getting the most hits, but this one isn’t a peoples vote – so we’re going for this little poster we found back in August:

 

Twitter Hero: Kathryn Rose aka @artsyhonker for organising the Flash Evensong outside St Pauls (Nominated by @Gerrarrdus).

Best Web Project: Easter LiveFor giving me an excuse to play with Lego…

Biggest Challenge: Only takes 3 seconds – An amazing watch…

The Peoples Choice of Best Christian / Church Blog: The Vernacular Vicar. As voted by… lots of people…

Best Alien: Elvis – He even featured in his own road trip video.

Villain of the year: Harold Camping – The End of The World guy…
Honorable Mention: Westminster Abbey – for showing us how not to do PR…

Simpsons Moment of The Year: The Importance of sermon prep

 

So have we got anything wrong? Are then any awards which we should have included??

Should the Villain had been different?

Let any debate begin!

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Ten iOS Apps To Keep You Connected and Entertained

So.

I’ve found myself at a random train station, with time to kill before the train comes. I’ve got my iPhone, a random old newspaper, and mobile reception. Well I’ve read that newspaper a few times know, and I’ve got a #digidisciple post to write, so I figured I’d introduce you to my current top ten iOS apps to keep you sane and connected while travelling.

The great news is – most of these apps are free!

Google+

The mobile app is widely thought of possibly the best way to access the webs newest social network, with a “nearby”  function built into it that enables you to connect with people local to you. Check this article out by @asaltbde which looks into Google Plus in a little more depth.

iTunes

Facebook

The official Facebook app, nuff said really…

iTunes

Tweetbot

There feels like a million different Twitter apps, but what makes this different and worth paying for? Quite simply; its easy to use, packed full of funtions, beautiful to look at, and its stable. If you use Twitter on a regular basis, this is worth the couple of quid.

iTunes

Met Office

Are you likely to get wet when you’re out and about?

iTunes

 

  Continue reading “Ten iOS Apps To Keep You Connected and Entertained”

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Ten New Ways To Put Off The Preacher.

For those times which you feel compelled to misbehave, we’re proud to present; 10 Ways to put off the preacher / speaker:

  1. They’ve dressed smart! You never see them that smart. Point and laugh before he goes up the front
  2. He’s shaved. Every time he looks at you… Stroke your beard. If you have a beard.
  3. Does he have his phone on silent? Text him… Find out…
  4. Silent. Deadly.  See if it reaches the speaker.
  5. Remember that large phone from Trigger Happy Tv? That.
  6. Wear masks during the sermon. Claim you’re joining #OccupyTheSermon movement.
  7. Every time the speaker looks at you. Wink.
  8. Keep an eye on the football scores, hold up score cards during the service.
  9. Have a child in need of winding, and may possibly spit up? Pass the kid over to the speaker to sort just before the service…forget the cloth…
  10. Preaching from an iPad? Tweet him / her… See what happens
Team Church Sofa are not responsible for anything that may or may not happen as a result of any of the above actions!

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10 Things To Do When You Really Don’t Want To Go To Church

We all get moments like this, at least we hope it isn’t just us. But sometimes there is something we just really don’t want to do: go to Church. Please find below our ten top tips on what to do in this situation. And please remember, as always, that we cannot be held responsible if any of these tips end up with you either going to hospital, losing your job, dying, being molested by squirrels, or anything else you might find unpleasant, oh and going to church.
  1. Stay in bed
  2. Consider playing football…
  3. Sit on the sofa, watch match of the day again and drink a beer (we know it’s early, but you do get wine at church…)
  4. “Something for the Weekend” / “T4”
  5. Its a sunny morning. Get outside. Enjoy it.
  6. *Snooze*
  7. Watch an online church service, on your laptop, while in bed.
  8. Make use of that gym membership you paid for ages ago
  9. Turn up for church for coffee at the end and pretend that you’d been there the whole time (please note: you may need to read the notice sheet from last week just in case someone questions you about the sermon i.e. the preacher)
  10. Go to church
Any comments on the above?

10 Games To play At #cnmac12

If you ever anything like me, it doesn’t matter how interesting a speaker is, sometimes your mind does wonder during a presentation.  Or you may have a moment or two of downtime between parts of the day.

If this happens to you – try these games. Please note you dont have to be at a Christian Media conference for many of these games to actually work.

  1.  Try and work out the percentage of Mac to Windows laptops in any given room.
  2. Congratulate anyone using a Linux operating system.
  3. Compare avatars to actual faces. Does anyone really look like their avatar?
  4. Do those premier signs still have photos of various cathedrals on them? If so try and work out which city each one is found in.
  5. Spot if anyone is sulking because they didn’t get a wifi slot.
  6. Tell @DigitalNun that she is by far the coolest nun you’ve come across.
  7. Encourage the conference presenter to organise a Mexican wave in the main lecture hall – via The Twitterfall
  8. How many vicars are there in the room? / How many vicars are there in disguise?
  9. Play hunt the person you want to meet up with, via clues on Twitter. Love the fact he greats you like an old friend.
  10. Count the amount of gadgets.
For the record – these games were made up on the train journey home, not during any presentations!!!
*The Church Sofa team are not responsible for any odd looks or people questioning your sanity if you do try any of the above out.

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The Church Sofa T Shirt Vote

Ok. A While back we asked what you would like to see on a Church / Church Sofa TShirt.

The Nominations are in.

What would you like to see on a ChurchSofa T Shirt?

Please place your vote below! (You can vote for more then one – but not for all of them)

[poll id=”3″]

The Winning slogans will be announced… at somepoint.

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10 Ways To Hurry Up A Boring Sermon

So you’re in the service, its got to the sermon, and it feels like the sermon has been going on… since forever… Well here is the Church Sofa List of how to tell the preacher in question, its time to wrap it up…

  1. Stand at the back – make a “your fly is down” motion..
  2. Arrange your row to pretend to sleep at the same time.
  3. Rig up some sort of traffic light system…
  4. Split the congregation up into three sections, get some sort of Britains Got Talent system going…
  5. Everyone. Look at the clock.
  6. Adjust the clock so you can speed it up… You will need to steal the preachers watch to do this!
  7. Everyone in the congregation… Set your alarms to go at the same time.
  8. Countdown music after 25 minutes.
  9. Bribe the PA staff … Kill the mic!
  10. Do you have the preachers mobile number? Reckon its set to silent? Test it…

Married. Dad.

Blogger / WordPress / Email List Guy.

Photographer.

Support worker. Short sentences. I write Bio in.