When Church Service Leaders Go Rogue.

When-Church-Service-Leaders-Go-Well

Imagine you’ve dragged your none Christian friends / family to Church. Well done. You’ve got them there. Now what if the person leading the service, or giving the sermon is feeling particularly…. adventurous. What if the person leading the service goes a little rogue and says, or encourages everyone to do something a little… different?

What do you NOT want them to say??

How about this collection of comments that may or may not have some bearing on real life events…

  1. “Turn to the person on your right, and make your confession”
  2. “Why don’t we spend a few minutes, where we all share our favorite Bible verses with each other?
  3. “Grab each others hands! Dont be shy! Now lets dance around the hall!”
  4. After the above “Let us all turn, look, and lay hands on the person having an asthma attack after all that dancing!”
  5. “In this time of prayer, we will anoint each other with (baby) oil”
  6. “As we are a family church, lets ensure we treat each other as family. To that end, lets all invite the person sitting in front of us to dinner this week?”
  7. “Let us show our servant heart to each other, and wash the feet of the people next to us”
  8. “Let us sing out own joyful song of praise. In our own Heavenly tongue if needed”
  9. “Wasn’t that a lovely word from the Pastor? I would love it if we could all turn to the people around us, and share 3 things we learnt from Gods word tonight”
  10. “In the spirit of the early Church, I would like us to give each other a Holy Kiss”

Any you could add?

(Its just occurred to me that I could call this “Christian Introvert Nightmares”)

Top 5 Christian Birthday Presents

Its my birthday this week! Woo! I am finally reaching the old age of 32*, and to mark the occasion I figured I would explore the world of Christian gifts, and birthday presents.

Well there more “interesting” things out there, I figured I would kinda base this on my own wish list of stuff (Which for the benefit of any friends and family reading this – IS NOT THE BELOW)

Here is the Church Sofa Top 5 Christian birthday presents: (Clicking some links may provide input to the Sofa Birthday fund)

The Jesus Bottle Opener

Need to open a beer and tell people about love for Jesus? This would be perfect!

Amazon Link

Christian Chocolate Balls?

Because chocolate is good…

Amazon Link

A Christian Paper Weight?

That’s what it is right?

Amazon Link.

Somewhere Inspirational To Put a Pint?

Found at Eden.co.uk

A Christian T Shirt

Perfect for the creationist in your life?

Amazon Link

Any other ideas?

(Dearest family and friends, please feel free to ask for my wish list… please don’t get confused with the above!)

*At least that’s how old I was when I stopped counting.

What Christians Do On Holiday?

Sofa has finally got round to booking some holiday. Now we dont have much booked in, so I consulted a few local church people for ideas of what a Christian should do on holiday.

Here’s a few ideas of what a Christian should do on holiday.

Go and look at some old churches.

Because they are kinda pretty….

Sit somewhere nice and enjoy the view.

Interrupt the  evening of those around you, by asking if they know and love Jesus. Keep talking until they do.

Try Out Your Local Christian Festival.

Could try evangelizing there?

Read your Bible.

Go out somewhere interesting*, and read your bible somewhere a little interesting. Tweet me a picture or something afterwards.

Drink Water. Plenty of Water.

 

Any other suggestions?

*interesting – NOT stupid. I DO NOT WANT PEOPLE TO FALL OF A CLIFF OR DROWN OR ANYTHING!!!

Being Bored At A Christian Festival

Being Bored at a Christian Festival

We’ve all been there. You know everyone is having fun, but you cant help but feel a little bored.
For some reason you can’t find anything to occupy your brain with.
Well, when you’re away from home, this can be rubbish. Therefore The Church Sofa has put together this little wheel spinner, to help you decide what to do, if you’re bored at a Christian Festival.

Any you would add?

Spreading Joy at A Christian Festival

Sofa may receive some some money (not much) if you click on some of the links below…

Over the next month and a bit there will be loads of Christian Festivals all around England, which will attract many Christians from many different Churches from all over the place. With festivals such as Momentum, New Wine, Soul Survivor, Keswick, Greenbelt. and Creation Fest, there are plenty to choose from.

In an attempt to get into the Festival spirit, Sofa decided to write the annual Church Sofa list of the best ways to create trouble at a Christian Festival ask around for ways to spread some “Joy” at these events…

  1. Have a supply of sweets to give out to people.
  2. Be servant hearted. Serve warm milky hot chocolate each night of the festival to the tents around you. On the last night, mix it up with espresso.
  3. Walk up to any musicians / famous Christian singer types and ask if they are U2.
  4. Print a T-Shirt saying “Its not like it used to be around here”.
  5. Walk around with an open wifi hotspot in your pocket. Lock it down so people can only access another festival website.
  6. Lead late night worship sessions. Ensure the worship is honest, by not tuning your guitar… not singing in tune… Also ensure that God can hear by singing loudly.
  7. Ask people if they’ve heard of the Delirious reunion tour, and their “Holy Troublemakers” single*?
  8. Ask everyone for their signature, explain they are all famous in Gods eyes. (Don’t ask famous Christians for their autograph)
  9. Tweet a photo of random peoples signatures to @thechurchsofa. Help me feel included in with the fun.
  10. Be servant hearted. Serve coffee each morning of the festival. Ensure it’s decaf on the last morning.

For more ideas, please check out last years list, Managing Mischief At A Christian Festival.

Disclaimer: Do any of these at your own risk, the Sofa takes no responsibility for any trouble that happens to you if you do this, but if you do end up in Christian Festival Jail, please let us know what that’s like.

*i may have made this up, but there is a song on Stu G’s “The Beatitudes Project” called Holy Troublemakers, which could be mistaken for a reunion.

How To Stay Cool in Church

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but its hot. Well its hot in Devon anyway.

I imagine its also hot elsewhere.

Its also hot in Churches around England.

So how do you deal with Church, when you turn up and its massively hot?

Here are our ten ideas of how to stay cool in church when its massively hot. 

  1. Open the flipping windows!
  2. Have a mass baptism service. Just get everyone into the baptism pool. If nothing else it will cool everyone down.
  3. Give Pizza Hut a call, get a ice cream delivery, yes – to be delivered during the service.
  4. Relocate the church service to the nearest mountain top / river bed / supermarket freezer cabinets.
  5. Give out emergency water bottles.
  6. Install cold showers at the back of the church.
  7. Decrease the chance of any one fainting during the service and just edit EVERYTHING down!
  8. Giant air fans. Everywhere!
  9. Swap out bread and wine for ice cream.
  10. Naked church.

Any other ideas?

10 Things Not To Do During A Communion Service

Have you ever wondered what people who aren’t used to Church services, think about Church services? Have you ever wondered if its clear what you should be doing in a church communion service? Have you ever wondered what you probably should not do during communion?*

Here’s our list…

  1. Sneeze in to the hair of the person in front of you.
  2. Loudly discuss if the common cold is contagious.
  3. Loudly discuss the vintage of the wine, just after you’ve had a sip.
  4. Start a debate about the various names for the communion service.
  5. Give everyone a special Holy Kiss during the peace.
  6. Jesus took communion as part of a meal. Time for a food fight?
  7. Ask your neighbour if they’ve had their flu shots recently.
  8. If you happen to take two bits of bread… anything you can make a sandwich with?
  9. Loudly question the choice of wine, and ask for cider instead. The colder the better
  10. You know the napkin that is passed around with The Communion Cup? Use that to blow your nose.

Any other suggestions?

*The Church Sofa doesn’t accept any responsibilities for any action that results from the above. If you get involved in a food fight, please don’t blame us!

What Can The Church Learn From Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

In case you’ve not heard, Rogue One: A Star Wars Story is now released. Rogue One, while not one of “the prequels” is set soon before the original Star Wars, and is a good fun watch for fans of the first Star Wars movies, and people who want to start watching them. (But you will so miss the fan service that takes place)

As there is a new Star Wars film, it feels right to continue the series looking at What The Church Can Learn from Star Wars.  (Please see here for the look at the original trilogy, or here for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.)

Obviously, there be spoilers for the new Star Wars movie ahead. Not massive spoilers – and probably more like hints… but they are still spoilers! If you care about spoilers, please go and watch the new movie first, then come back!

Please scroll past Darth Spoiler Vader to read What the Church can learn from Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.

  1. Don’t believe everything you hear. That internet rumour about anti-Donald Trump stuff in Star Wars, if its true, I didn’t see it.
  2. Don’t Judge A Druid On Your First Impressions
  3. Do NOT Discount The Strong Believer. They might be pretty handy in a fight.
  4. Parents. Talk To Your Kids! They might help blow up a Death Star one day.
  5. Be Ready To Change Your Opinion Of Someone. They might turn out to be handy with a blaster one day.
  6. That Person Who Keeps Muttering About The Force? Turns out they might be able to hear really well…
  7. Sometimes, you have to jump. How you’d make it makes very little sense, but you might still need to jump.
  8. Youth Pastor starting to have ambition? Blow up the planet he’s on.
  9. Watch out for old friends.
  10. Sometimes, life sucks. This is not a bright easy movie. It’s dark, and has a smell of death. You could say its a very 2016  movie.
  11. This is Not The End. You could almost say there is hope.

Any more you could add?

As always. Any problems with these, please let Disney know.