What Do Christians Do When Bored

Being A Bored Christian

Sometimes. When inspiration leaves us. Boredom strikes.  Yes, just like everyone else. Christians get bored. And not just during sermons.

Possibly during a period of illness, its not unusual to feel bored at times. At one point, (not when bored), Sofa did some research into what happens when Christians are bored.

Here is the Church Sofa list of 10 Things Christians Do When Bored*.

  1. Read all the bible plans on YouVersion.
  2. Build forts with leftover paper Bible studies.
  3. Artistically write Bible verses on sheets of paper.
  4. Email all the missionaries, (and any other random people associated with their church), to encourage and ask for prayer requests.
  5. Redecorate the local church office.
  6. Ponder / pray / day dream about what vulnerable people you could volunteer to work with… Never get round to asking for information from the right places.
  7. Turn on God TV*
  8. Download ALL THE SERMONS, from your church website. Email the preachers your personal critique.
  9. Actually sit down and write some new material for their Church blog.
  10. Turn off God TV*.

Have you got any to add?

*With apologies to God TV.

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10 Different Ways To Raise Money For A New Church Roof

Finding the money for a new church roof...

It seems to happen. Sooner or later, a Church with a church building of a certain age needs to look into fixing their roof.

Now presuming people would normally give money to their church anyway, what else can be done to raise – the extra – money for the Church roof?

Here are our 10 different ideas for raising money for a new church roof*:

  1. Hire it as a football pitch. Could sell any holes in the roof as “special goals”.
  2. Roof top tours. Just like the cathedral..?
  3. Divert money from the fund for a new driveway?
  4. Obstacle course!! Particularly good if there are bits that people may fall down.
  5. Storage space for outside equipment. Just chuck it on the roof!
  6. Sponsored tent making competition. Aim to create the best temporary church roof, that way you’re encouraging people to give money for the new roof, while coming up with a short term solution!
  7. Roof Top Garden. Charge people to plant anything in your roof.
  8. Weather reporting platform. Hire it to your local TV station for local weather forecasts.
  9. Outdoor drama stage hire. Perfect for performances of the passion around Easter time.
  10. Stage for local bands. Something like this?

 

What other ideas do you have?

*The Church Sofa takes no responsibility for people falling off / through / into the roof. Any injuries what so ever. Any police arresting you or anyone for any of the above.  In fact. The Church Sofa takes no responsibility, for anything.

Ever.

(People I work with / Mrs Sofa – Please don’t feel the need to agree with the above paragraph!)

 

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Evangelising When The Sun Is Out…

Welcome to The Summer!

The Summer – time of barbeques, paddling pools, and ice creams. Just like any part of the year, we shouldn’t miss a chance to evangelise and tell people about Jesus.

The question is. Are there ways to take advantage of the sun and the summer months to  evangelise the gospel?

Here are the Church Sofa ways to evangelise when the sun is out.

  1. Don’t wear a top when you’re outside. Ensure your body is tattooed with Bible verses.
  2. The days are warmer. The nights are warmer. Break out that acoustic guitar and sing out of tune songs to our father, around a fire!
  3. Join a local running group, join in every week. Have fun. After a while offer to set up a web page for the running group. Arrange the web address to be MyBodyIsATemple.co.uk.
  4. Give ice lollies out to people in your neighbourhood. Make sure the lolly sticks have Bible verses printed on them.
  5. Set up a paddling pool out the front of your house. Explain that if people want to try it out, then they may accidentally be baptised at the same time.
  6. Update your Facebook with as many Sun / Son references as much as possible.
  7. Worship band practice. Windows open.
  8. Put on a barbecue for the neighbourhood. Insist people listen to a Gospel presentation before they can have a burger.
  9. Spend some time out in the garden / porch / balcony / front door step, playing some Christian music loud enough to be heard through open windows.
    I suggest…

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The Rapture Survival Kit

In case you missed it. There is apparently an Apocalypse planned to take place fairly soon. Depending your choice of news outlet / personal religious teaching / worldview / blog, will impact on if you think this is The Apocalypse / An  Apocalypse / The Rapture, or indeed, another day.

Well JUST IN CASE something does happen, here’s what The Sofa suggests having on your person just in case…

  1. Spray Paint. Perfect for spray painting Bible verses over walls, trains, abandoned shops etc.
  2. Clothing. Just in case of sudden air raising, make sure when an apocalypse is planned, to wear clothes at ALL TIMES. (Indeed, clothing is generally a good thing to wear in general anyway).
  3. Plenty of Prescription Meds. If you need prescription meds that is, because well if you don’t then this would be a little naughty.
  4. Running shoes. In case of Zombie Apocalypse.
  5. A copy of the Left Behind series of novels. To act as a guide / hindrance depending how accurate they are.
  6. Bomb Proof Bible.
  7. Holy Water. Because, well you never know.
  8. A Torch. Because light, is good at dealing with dark.
  9. The AntiChrist Detector. Looking like something out of Doctor Who, when you point it at people, it will go “Ding” if it detects AntiChrist. Sadly it would probably act like it came from Doctor Who and go “ding” a little too often.

What else would you suggest that people have on them?

For an alternative take on a Rapture Survival Kit, please see rapture-survival-kit.com

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Christian VR apps That HAVE to be made

A while back, I got my hands on a free pair of Google cardboard VR glasses. While a bit clunky, they are still a fab way to transform your smartphone into a Virtual Reality headset.

A bit clunky, but quite a cheap way of bringing some sort of Virtual Reality experience into the home.

Trying it out, got me thinking. If there were a series of Christian VR apps, what would that look like?

Here’s the Christian Virtual Reality that Sofa would like to see…

The stable. Experience the birth of Jesus in full immersive VR. Hear Mary’s birthing pains, see the confusion on the cattles faces, and watch Joseph faint.
A Mega Church App. Don’t go to a Mega Church. Stay at home, and feel the atmosphere without smelling other peoples sweat.
The Church Volunteer. Get an insight into volunteering at church without any need for preemptive commitment.
The Longest Prayer. We know that Jonah was swallowed by a big fish. But what did he see in the big fish? What did he do? Hear Jonahs cry to the Lord, as you see the inside of the fish from Jonahs point of view.
Full on March. Now you can also march around the city of Jericho.
Full immersive adult baptism game. Hit the button as you go underwater… to ensure you come back up again.
Missed Lunch. Get an in depth view of Daniel and The Lions Den. From the lions prospective.
The Church Volunteer Coordinator. Feel the panic, and have first hand perspective of what happens when all the volunteers stay at home, and try to volunteer via VR glasses.
Crucifixion. The Viewers Experience. Put on your VR glasses and be transported to the original Good Friday! Enjoy!

Have you got any further ideas?

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Last Minute Mothers Day Gift Ideas!

Warning! Its Mothers Day soon (in the UK anyway), have you got a Mothers Day gift yet? I haven’t yet – and while pondering options, I absentmindedly wondered onto Amazon and wondered what results I would get if I did a search for “Christian Mum”.

I’ve taken what I’ve found, and turned it into The Church Sofa Last Minute Christian Mothers Day Gift Idea list. (Beware! Affiliate links are found below)

Something to write in.

Is the mum figure someone who likes writing stuff, there’s this woman’s journal…

Not sure how if its women focused, or if its the same thing as something else – but packaged differently. I’m just happy to see a lack of pink. (Find it here)

Something to listen to

Amazon has the full track list, but I wonder. How did the record company work out what worship tunes to include on this?

Something to help people pray?

Well Amazon had this… 

Something to start conversations with…

Perfect to evangelise the school run!

Amazon Link

Something to watch…

DVD available from Amazon, and I’ve heard rumours that its a good fun Christian movie – that doesn’t take itself too seriously!

What are your ideas for mothers day gifts? (Help me out here)

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Getting Little Children To Church: A Timeline.

Have you ever struggled to get yourself to church on time? If you have children, you’ll know that the struggle to get children AND adults to church on time, has its own challenges*. Now admittedly we only have Little Sofa, so perhaps this speaks of our own organisation, but I figured it would be interesting to note down our typical timeline of events before we leave for church on a Sunday morning.

The minutes before we need to leave, are in bold…

65 minutes : Everyone goes to get clothes on.
60 minutes: Little Sofa successfully lobbies for a bath.
55 : Upon being told that bath is ready, Little Sofa proceeds to play statues.
50 : Little Sofa is put into the bath.
30 : Negotiations begin over who washes whose hair.
20: Hair washed. Little Sofa thrown into clothes.
15: Negotiations over different clothing begin.
10: Daddy challenges Little Sofa over who can get ready first. Little Sofa shouts “Me!”
9 minutes, 50 seconds. : Daddy checks twitter.
9 minutes, 49 seconds : Little Sofa declares that she is ready, and yes. Indeed. She also has shoes on.
8 minutes : Daddy falls downstairs, he finds Little Sofa was joking and is in fact just finishing getting clothes on.
5 minutes : The Game Of Statues restarts.
3 minutes: There is a shout “I’m already! I got my shoes on before you!”. She is in fact, next to the front door, with shoes on. Where as, Daddy doesn’t have shoes on. Or socks for that matter.

Time to go!!!!: There is a shout of “Can I bring all my babies” *proceeds to go upstairs to bring, all her babies**

5 minutes late : ALL THE BABIES ARE IN THE CAR. Once the car is parked up, there is a request of… “I want to bring all the babies… they might cry if I leave them in the car!”
Negotiations begin over which babies should stay in the car.

*Obviously some families manage to get everyone of their huge family to church on time. Every weekend. Fresh faced, and smiling. These people are obviously on a heavenly fast track, as examples of pure Godly organisation.

** Dolls. Not babies. I repeat. They are really dolls. Lots and lots of dolls.

Not babies.

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How to Heat a Christian Home

Every now and then a colder night comes along and reminds us of a simple fact of life. Its still not Summer yet, and the heating gets turned up.

But how should a Christian heat their home? We have a few ideas…

  1. Have a hot mug of Church Coffee. There’s not much taste but you’ll have heat your home if you bring enough home.
  2. Get home group over, and arrange to meet in the smallest room you have. The combined body heat, will at least warm your room up.
  3. Invite the deaconate over. The hot air will warm your home up. For weeks.
  4. Cook for EVERYONE in church. The heat from your cooker will at least warm your kitchen up. But it may also melt any chocolate you have.
  5. Spend your days and nights doing as many exercise routines that you can, you’ll be shattered, but you will probably feel warmer for it!
  6. Pews. Fire Place? Just saying…?
  7. Pray for fire to fall from heaven… and for it to fall in a safe and accurate way. Accurate, because you probably don’t want your home to burn down, due to an access amount of heavenly fire.
  8. Use those left over Bible study notes as fuel for the fire.
  9. Spend long enough watching this on your TV…

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10 Tips to keep a Tidy Christian House

They say that “cleanliness is next to godliness”, I’m not sure “they” are, and I’m not sure if “they” are right.   But  one time, while cleaning up for Housegroup, I did wonder. Are there “Christian ways to keep a house clean”? (Its the way my mind seems to work)

After consulting some particularly godly people, I gathered the following tops to keep a tidy Christian house.

  1. Invite housegroup to meet at your place… EVERY WEEK!!
  2. Preach on servanthood at Church. Encourage people to put that into action by cleaning up your place.
  3. Do not store up ANY treasures. Live a minimal life. Throw out EVERYTHING apart from your bible.
  4. Dont drink things like Tea that needs things like Tea Bags, as that creates needless waste… drink red wine… just like Jesus.
  5. Dont buy any Christian books. Convince your church to get it for the church book lending library, and borrow it from there instead.
  6. Only have one Bible. (Possibly the King James Version)
  7. Throw out your DVDs / Blurays… Sign up to Pureflix.com instead.
  8. Avoid beer bottles being built up. Drink only red wine. (Better if you buy red wine in those big boxes)
  9. You pray for the spirit of peace to come over your house everyday. Just hope that no one looks in the garden.
  10. Treat your house like Holy Ground… TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES!!!

How do you keep your house tidy?

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