A while back, Sofa had the rare chance to find himself at a 100th birthday celebration. As is how my mind works, I wondered. What if there was a Christian way for celebrating each one of those 100 birthdays?
I couldn’t find 100 ways so I’d like to present the, Not A 100 Ways To Celebrate a Christian Birthday…. (Affiliate links are below)
Give the birthday boy / girl a new Bible.
Give socks with holes in.
Bless them with cake.
Supply some Communion Wine for the birthday meal.
Take them on a tour around interesting local churches.
Bless them by sharing the cake.
Bless them with a Holy Spirit.
Give them a Holy Kiss.
Church Crawl at Communion time.
Throw them in some water. Call it a baptism.
Create a lego model of them dressed up as a minister.
Christian festivals are great. Loads of stuff happening, from great speakers, and great people, to great bands, and tolerable food.
Loads of stuff happening, all the time. But what if you’re someone whose attention gets distracted at the best of times.
What if you find yourself wanting something a little different to do?* Here are ten ideas of alternative activities that can be done at a Christian festival.
Say “Amen” with every point that the speaker makes. Get gradually louder as the talk progresses. Encourage others around you to join. See how loud you can all get. **
If attending any Soul Survivor festival, dress like your attending a funeral. All week. And everytime some says “Soul Survivor”, you whisper”Long may it Rest in Peace”.
Are you attending Creation Fest? Set up a stall saying, “Cream First. Change my mind”
Facebook friend EVERYONE YOU MEET!!! Show you’re an awesome Christian by tagging them in inspirational Bible verse images.
Once an hour.
See anyone eating bread? Offer them a glass of red wine. So they can eat like Jesus ate.***
Start a rumour that the rumour about Delirious having a reunion show at the festival is simply a rumour. See what happens.
If stuck in a heatwave. Play “Rain Down” really loudly, on an old guitar. Explain that you’re praying for the rain to come.
See anyone drinking wine? Ask if you can share their communion.
Live stream your whole festival experience on Facebook Live. ALL of it. Let me know what happens.
Apologise for the late night guitar playing, by serving really strong decaff coffee every morning to the tents around you. Serve proper stuff in the evenings.
Any more you think that should be added?
* Please be careful. The Church Sofa takes no responsibility if you end up in Christian festival jail… or actual jail… or where ever…
**Be careful. This may lead to accidental reports of Revival breaking out. Due to you messing around.
On second thoughts. That could be quite funny.
*** MIght get expensive.
Obstacle course!! Particularly good if there are bits that people may fall down.
Storage space for outside equipment. Just chuck it on the roof!
Sponsored tent making competition. Aim to create the best temporary church roof, that way you’re encouraging people to give money for the new roof, while coming up with a short term solution!
Roof Top Garden. Charge people to plant anything in your roof.
Weather reporting platform. Hire it to your local TV station for local weather forecasts.
Outdoor drama stage hire. Perfect for performances of the passion around Easter time.
Stage for local bands. Something like this?
What other ideas do you have?
*The Church Sofa takes no responsibility for people falling off / through / into the roof. Any injuries what so ever. Any police arresting you or anyone for any of the above. In fact. The Church Sofa takes no responsibility, for anything.
(People I work with / Mrs Sofa – Please don’t feel the need to agree with the above paragraph!)
In case you missed it. There is apparently an Apocalypse planned to take place fairly soon. Depending your choice of news outlet / personal religious teaching / worldview / blog, will impact on if you think this is The Apocalypse / An Apocalypse / The Rapture, or indeed, another day.
Well JUST IN CASE something does happen, here’s what The Sofa suggests having on your person just in case…
Spray Paint. Perfect for spray painting Bible verses over walls, trains, abandoned shops etc.
Clothing. Just in case of sudden air raising, make sure when an apocalypse is planned, to wear clothes at ALL TIMES. (Indeed, clothing is generally a good thing to wear in general anyway).
Plenty of Prescription Meds. If you need prescription meds that is, because well if you don’t then this would be a little naughty.
Running shoes. In case of Zombie Apocalypse.
A copy of the Left Behind series of novels. To act as a guide / hindrance depending how accurate they are.
Bomb Proof Bible.
Holy Water. Because, well you never know.
A Torch. Because light, is good at dealing with dark.
The AntiChrist Detector. Looking like something out of Doctor Who, when you point it at people, it will go “Ding” if it detects AntiChrist. Sadly it would probably act like it came from Doctor Who and go “ding” a little too often.
What else would you suggest that people have on them?
A while back, I got my hands on a free pair of Google cardboard VR glasses. While a bit clunky, they are still a fab way to transform your smartphone into a Virtual Reality headset.
A bit clunky, but quite a cheap way of bringing some sort of Virtual Reality experience into the home.
Trying it out, got me thinking. If there were a series of Christian VR apps, what would that look like?
Here’s the Christian Virtual Reality that Sofa would like to see…
The stable. Experience the birth of Jesus in full immersive VR. Hear Mary’s birthing pains, see the confusion on the cattles faces, and watch Joseph faint. A Mega Church App. Don’t go to a Mega Church. Stay at home, and feel the atmosphere without smelling other peoples sweat. The Church Volunteer. Get an insight into volunteering at church without any need for preemptive commitment. The Longest Prayer. We know that Jonah was swallowed by a big fish. But what did he see in the big fish? What did he do? Hear Jonahs cry to the Lord, as you see the inside of the fish from Jonahs point of view. Full on March. Now you can also march around the city of Jericho. Full immersive adult baptism game. Hit the button as you go underwater… to ensure you come back up again. Missed Lunch. Get an in depth view of Daniel and The Lions Den. From the lions prospective. The Church Volunteer Coordinator. Feel the panic, and have first hand perspective of what happens when all the volunteers stay at home, and try to volunteer via VR glasses. Crucifixion. The Viewers Experience. Put on your VR glasses and be transported to the original Good Friday! Enjoy!
Warning! Its Mothers Day soon (in the UK anyway), have you got a Mothers Day gift yet? I haven’t yet – and while pondering options, I absentmindedly wondered onto Amazon and wondered what results I would get if I did a search for “Christian Mum”.
I’ve taken what I’ve found, and turned it into The Church Sofa Last Minute Christian Mothers Day Gift Idea list. (Beware! Affiliate links are found below)
Something to write in.
Is the mum figure someone who likes writing stuff, there’s this woman’s journal…
Not sure how if its women focused, or if its the same thing as something else – but packaged differently. I’m just happy to see a lack of pink. (Find it here)
Have you ever struggled to get yourself to church on time? If you have children, you’ll know that the struggle to get children AND adults to church on time, has its own challenges*. Now admittedly we only have Little Sofa, so perhaps this speaks of our own organisation, but I figured it would be interesting to note down our typical timeline of events before we leave for church on a Sunday morning.
The minutes before we need to leave, are in bold…
65 minutes : Everyone goes to get clothes on. 60 minutes: Little Sofa successfully lobbies for a bath. 55 : Upon being told that bath is ready, Little Sofa proceeds to play statues. 50 : Little Sofa is put into the bath. 30 : Negotiations begin over who washes whose hair. 20: Hair washed. Little Sofa thrown into clothes. 15: Negotiations over different clothing begin. 10: Daddy challenges Little Sofa over who can get ready first. Little Sofa shouts “Me!” 9 minutes, 50 seconds. : Daddy checks twitter. 9 minutes, 49 seconds : Little Sofa declares that she is ready, and yes. Indeed. She also has shoes on. 8 minutes : Daddy falls downstairs, he finds Little Sofa was joking and is in fact just finishing getting clothes on. 5 minutes : The Game Of Statues restarts. 3 minutes: There is a shout “I’m already! I got my shoes on before you!”. She is in fact, next to the front door, with shoes on. Where as, Daddy doesn’t have shoes on. Or socks for that matter.
Time to go!!!!: There is a shout of “Can I bring all my babies” *proceeds to go upstairs to bring, all her babies**
5 minutes late : ALL THE BABIES ARE IN THE CAR. Once the car is parked up, there is a request of… “I want to bring all the babies… they might cry if I leave them in the car!”
Negotiations begin over which babies should stay in the car.
*Obviously some families manage to get everyone of their huge family to church on time. Every weekend. Fresh faced, and smiling. These people are obviously on a heavenly fast track, as examples of pure Godly organisation.
** Dolls. Not babies. I repeat. They are really dolls. Lots and lots of dolls.