Dedicated to any Gay Christians who are abused by Christians for being a Gay Christian.
When Peter preached…
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but its hot. Well its hot in Devon anyway.
I imagine its also hot elsewhere.
Its also hot in Churches around England.
So how do you deal with Church, when you turn up and its massively hot?
Here are our ten ideas of how to stay cool in church when its massively hot.
- Open the flipping windows!
- Have a mass baptism service. Just get everyone into the baptism pool. If nothing else it will cool everyone down.
- Give Pizza Hut a call, get a ice cream delivery, yes – to be delivered during the service.
- Relocate the church service to the nearest mountain top / river bed / supermarket freezer cabinets.
- Give out emergency water bottles.
- Install cold showers at the back of the church.
- Decrease the chance of any one fainting during the service and just edit EVERYTHING down!
- Giant air fans. Everywhere!
- Swap out bread and wine for ice cream.
- Naked church.
Any other ideas?
We’re told that when we worship God, we should worship in spirit and truth. Indeed, in some worship settings we’re also told to raise our hands, shout, scream, link hands with each other, jig, and so on. While we sometimes have worship leaders there helping us focus and think on the things, sometimes our minds do wonder.
Do NOT under any circumstances think about these things during worship time.
- Are my hands high enough?
- How long should I be standing up for until its ok to sit down?
- I’m I bouncing enough? (Or “I’m I to old to be bouncing this much”)
- I’m I singing in tune enough?
- I’m I changing my position to show my emotion at different points?
- Do I have my eyes closed enough? Or should they be open? Has everyone gone and left me to it?
- Should I have not sung along to the guitar solo? Was the air guitar too much?
- Is the blood running out of my hands? Can I lower them yet?
- I’m I mistaken or did I just sing the wrong words? Again.
- How faint should I feel before I sit down?
Anything else people shouldn’t think about?