In the past, Sofa has spent many a post (and tweet) pondering how to survive a boring sermon. While all that has been great for the older people in the church, to quote a panicked soul, “Wont somebody think of the children?”
After 5 years of watching, and learning from both Mini Sofa, and other kids around, we’ve collected the following list of how kids can survive a boring sermon:
If you have a bored child, perhaps they’ll find inspiration from the following ideas:
- Crawl under the seats, and between the legs of the people sitting in them, until you reach the back and freedom! Just run faster then your grown up!
- In a push chair? Chop the bottom out and drive it around Flintstones style! Dont have a push chair? Just pretend the seat you’re on is a car instead!
- Does your church have pews? Bring a car in… those little ledges behind each pew makes a great race track. Ensure there are sounds effects.
- Be so hungry you could eat a bible… (You’re never to young to digest the word of God right?)
- When no one is looking… Check if the fire extinguisher really works! (Based on true story)
- Wave at other little people sat in other parts of the hall. Wait till any silent moments before your shout “HELLO”.
- Make faces at the preacher during the service. They’ll love it
- Is your parent leading the service? Make sure they don’t misbehave by going up front and keeping them company.
- Is your parent the hugging, needy type? Demand a hug. When they pick you up… scream that you want to be put down.
- You and a friend, see who can run around the Church hall the fastest! See what happens…
Any we’ve missed?
Previously I’ve wondered what a Christian Halloween Costume may look like, but what about Trick or Treating? What if a Christian wanted to doll out tricks at Halloween? I admit most of these are based on the person at the door dishing out the tricks… this is presuming you can be quick at dishing out the tricks…
But what should should Christian Halloween tricks look like? Here’s out list*:
- Open the door, bash them with a Bible. Explain that will teach them for calling you a Bible basher.
- Answer the door in tears, explain that you’re looking for your lost coin, and beg for their help.
- Dress up as the Pope. Speak to them in Italian. Only Italian.**
- Arrange for a sheep to come out your door when it’s open. Explain that you need to run and find it.
- Open your door dressed up as Mark Driscoll.
- If you’re actually going Trick or Treating, if anyone asks for a trick, run into their house and pray in every room. In tongues. Loudly. Whilst throwing oil all over the place. Leave a church leaflet for when you go.
- Alternatively, form a mini choir and sing a number of worship choruses. Loudly, and out of tune. Leave with them with a leaflet saying “If you want to hear more, come to our church”.
- Give Bible tracts instead of sweets.
Any more you can suggest?
*All of these are a little silly. Probably best you don’t do any of these.
** Probably not as effective in Italy.
Thisandy and his family are currently looking for a new church to call home. We loved our old church but it wasnt the right place for us and we felt God leading us to somewhere new.
So like Abraham we set off into the desert (Exeter) with no clue of where we were headed. It turns out you can spend a long time looking for a church to join. Whether its a key theology you do or don’t believe in or a practical issue like they dont have children’s groups for under 5’s and you’re both likely to be involved on a sunday morning (admittedly only an issue you have an under 5).
What I’ve noticed in Exeter is a lack of Cell Churches, where the core part of the church is local small groups that have a genuine outreach and impact on their local community and all the cell groups might meet together once a month, but your core place of meeting is your cell group yet you affiliate to the larger body.
Back in the early 2000’s it seemed you couldn’t go anywhere without meeting some who was either in or loved Cell Churches.
If you’re a cell church still thriving please comment….we love you and miss you.
What do you all think of cell churches?
What would you look for in one?