So you’re there.
You’re either at church, homegroup, or some other christian gathering, and you’re being prayed for. You may be surrounded by a group of people, or you may be in a corner of a room, either way you are the focus of the spiritual attention. Whatever you do. Don’t think about the following when you’re being prayed for:
- How attractive that woman / man praying for you might be – and why are they holding your hand anyway?
- Has the oven timer started ok? You dont want the dinner to be burnt / cold.
- Why is that persons hand so warm and clammy?
- Why does that person push down on your shoulder so hard?
- Rating peoples prayers out of 10. Don’t do this. Its not cool.
- Who’s that smell?
- “What on earth did they mean by that?”
- Mentally correct their grammar in your head.
- Whats the most prayerful way to be standing? Are you in the most holy position? Does God smile more with my arms up or my arms down?
- The feeling of regret that comes with having that hot curry 45 minutes before the meeting began.
Any more that you can suggest?
A Moment of Clarity for people confused about a wide range of social justice type issues, and how you should respond.
Its hard to argue that having Money is useful. Well having money helps you do stuff. This is true in our day to day lives, and well… If the Church needs to fix the roof, hire a hall, or pay off the vicar, money is needed.
The thing is, where does the Church get its money come from?
If a Church doesn’t have its own building to hire out, how else can a Church make money?
Here is the Church Sofa List of How A Church Can Make Money:
- Get some local monks to make some mead to sell.
- Release a CD of the Curate singing.
- Charge people to leave a church service.
- Sell advertising breaks. Between song verses, the worship band could play a catchy little ditty.
- Release a book. Sunday Sermons: The Greatest Hits.
- Invest in clever ways to make the above book appear really popular therefore seeming more attractive to buy then it really is.
- Serve coffee at the start of the service. Charge people for directions to get to the toilet… for lights in toilet… for toilet roll…
- Have comfy cushions for hire. Perfect to avoid those aches and pains during the sermon.
- Take an offering before the sermon. The higher the amount, the less points within the sermon.
- Offer local houses a subscription service to ensure the church evangelist doesn’t knock on their door.
Is there any you would add?
*May not be strictly weekly.
Picture the scene. You’re at a Church Lunch, or one of many other buffet style lunches that happen, and you spot how it appears to be a bit like Subway. As in loads of meat, and loads of bread rolls. And it all looks amazing.
Imagine you’re gluten free… which means you cant eat wheat based products. So no bread, pizza, or beer for you.
Well, how do you do deal with this?
May we present a handy flow chart guide showing how to survive a Church lunch, when you’re gluten free.
Do you have any tips to share?