Author Archives: Andy Mackay

Married. Dad. Blogger. Gallifreyan Christian. Social media ninja. Photographer. Support worker. 12th Doctor. Short sentences. I write Bio in.

Hitler-Church-Board

Church Notice Board of The Week

I might be a little late with this one, but if I posted this lat week there may be have an over abundance of church notice boards on this site, and I’m sure to much church advertising isn’t good for anyone.

Yes. These guys above have quoted Hitler.

If there is a lesson here, It must be that its always worth googling the dude you’re about to quote. Just in case, its someone like Hitler.

 

Found over at patheos.com

 

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How To Double Your Church Attendance

Well, I’m not sure whats in the above leaflet, but here’s our list of ways to double you church attendance:

  1. Offer a free pint of beer with every sip of communion wine.
  2. Advertise free cake.
  3. Have a decent clown show.
  4. (In case people are scared of clowns), arrange for scary clowns to chase people in to the church from the street.*
  5. Get many many sofas in.
  6. Two words. Cake Communion.
  7. A screen showing what people are tweeting about the sermon, located above the head of the preacher – therefore… the preacher cant see what people are tweeting about.
  8. Cook Bacon sandwiches deep within the church hall, use an elaborate system of fans to blow the smell out through the doors and into the streets, to lure people in with the smell. Once enough people are in, LOCK THE DOORS!!!
  9. Have a series of helium balloons dotted around the hall. Each time the worship leader sings a chorus more then necessary, he needs to inhale one balloon. One balloon per unneeded chorus repeat, therefore, if the worship leader repeats a chorus ten times, he inhales ten helium balloons.
  10. Big Red Buttons on every seat, that people can push when they’re bored during the sermon. Once boredum level reaches 70%, the preacher gets gunged… something like this…

 

Any more that should be included?

*Be warned. This may possibly not end well – and could be slightly mean.

 

Singing Nun Wins ‘The Voice’ Italy

The Italian version of ‘The Voice’ has been won by Sister Cristina Scuccia, who seems to be becoming known as the “The Singing Nun” (in some corners of the internet anyway). According the The Huffington Post:

Sister Cristina Scuccia, the unlikely star of Italy’s “The Voice” singing competition, soared to victory Thursday night with 62.3 of the vote and nabbing a recording contract with Universal.

Wearing the traditional habit and crucifix which has been her signature look on the show, the Sicilian nun immediately thanked God for her win which comes with a recording contract with Universal.

“My presence here is not up to me, it’s thanks to the man upstairs,” she said and then recited the Lord’s Prayer onstage.

Whilst this can be watched over at dailydot.com I thought her Bon Jovi  cover was a far better watch…