Author Archives: ThatAndy

Married. Dad. Blogger. Gallifreyan Christian. Social media ninja. Photographer. Support worker. 12th Doctor. Short sentences. I write Bio in.

How To Be An Efficient Pastor At Christmas

For some people, being a Church Pastor isn’t a job, it’s a calling on your life. It’s a calling that can take up a lot of your time, and place strains on different areas of your life, as you seek to work out what your priorities are. There are no other times like Christmas which are as busy for some pastors.

I’m not going to tell Church Pastors how to manage their time during Christmas, but here are a list of ways I’ve been told that pastors can be truly efficient in how they serve the Lord, their congregation, and have time to celebrate Christmas. Everywhere and with everyone.

1. Get to Church. Ensure there is plenty of alcoholic mulled wine being shared at the start of the service. No one will notice the duplicate sermon you’re preaching from the last service.
2. Don’t want to be that cheeky? Repeat a sermon from last year. If anyone notices give them a chocolate coin as a prize.
3. If choosing christmas carols, always choose the same ones. Everyone would probably love it anyway.
4. Need to read a Bible passage? Stick on the audio recording of David Suchet reading, and have a sit down.
5. Mince Pies = Fuel
6. Ensure you are not well known for returning voice mails.
7. Got an invitation to lead a carol service at the local school? Save time by asking your youth worker to do it. After all the youth worker needs the experience.
8. Somehow program Amazon Echo to cover your speaking engagements for you.
9. Develop odd and awkward dietary requirements. No one will invite you to that 23rd Christmas meal
10. Record yourself on video giving some generic Christmas greetings, then upload said video to your church website. Print out cards that contain just the weblink, give out the said cards to save the time you would spend wishing people a Happy Christmas in person.

If all else fails, buy this guy from Amazon to do some work for you:

Just don’t blow him up in front of other people…

Anything you would add?

(This post contains affiliate links)

The Lego Star Wars Nativity Play

Well this is the season of the Nativity Play. And the Church Sofa is no different. Well… there are some differences from a standard Nativity Plan.

For starters (like the original Easter play) this is a play hosted by The Rebel Alliance, and the Empire from the Lego Star Wars Universe. (There may be some other guest appearances as well), and sadly this play is also told through a number of photographs, no video is available.

Also, this may not be the most Biblically accurate Nativity Play ever. BUT I can confirm there are no lobsters.

Oh… and its also a bit silly.

So with out further waffle, please let me introduce a re-edited repeat of:

The Lego Star Wars Christmas Story.

A Long Time Ago, in a Galaxy far Far Away…

Mary has a visit from someone she didn't expect... Who would?

One night, Mary had a surprising visitor… but who expect an angel to visit anyway?

26 During Elizabeth’s sixth month of pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin. She was engaged to marry a man named Joseph from the family of David. Her name was Mary. 28 The angel came to her and said, “Greetings! The Lord has blessed you and is with you.”
Luke Chapter 1

Joseph Didn't exactly feel blessed when he heard the news...

Joseph didn’t exactly feel blessed when he heard the news… so planned to quietly call the whole marriage thing off.

 

Joe couldn't find a donkey, so had to settle for pushing Mary along on a skateboard instead...

Joe couldn’t find a donkey, so had to settle for pushing Mary along on a skateboard instead…

At that time, Augustus Caesar sent an order that all people in the countries under Roman rule must list their names in a register. 2 This was the first registration;[a] it was taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. 3 And all went to their own towns to be registered.

4 So Joseph left Nazareth, a town in Galilee, and went to the town of Bethlehem in Judea, known as the town of David. Joseph went there because he was from the family of David. 5 Joseph registered with Mary, to whom he was engaged[b] and who was now pregnant.

Joseph tried checking into the one hostel in town…

The Hostel seemed a little full...

As the hostel seemed a little over full… they ended up finding a shed around the back… 

They found a shed around the back

…Mary gave birth in a shed around the back of the hostel.*

"Leg it down to Bethlehem . Quick!"

Soon after Mary gave birth, a couple of weeping angels appeared to some shepherds.

8-12 There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.”

13-14 At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises:

Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.
15-18 As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.” They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.
Luke Chapter 2

*Kinda roughly based on Luke Chapter 2 – ish.

Three wise men came from the east...

Three wise men came from the east…

1-2 After Jesus was born in Bethlehem village, Judah territory— this was during Herod’s kingship—a band of scholars arrived in Jerusalem from the East. They asked around, “Where can we find and pay homage to the newborn King of the Jews? We observed a star in the eastern sky that signaled his birth. We’re on pilgrimage to worship him.”

3-4 When word of their inquiry got to Herod, he was terrified—and not Herod alone, but most of Jerusalem as well. Herod lost no time. He gathered all the high priests and religion scholars in the city together and asked, “Where is the Messiah supposed to be born?”

5-6 They told him, “Bethlehem, Judah territory. The prophet Micah wrote it plainly:

It’s you, Bethlehem, in Judah’s land,
no longer bringing up the rear.
From you will come the leader
who will shepherd-rule my people, my Israel.”
7-8 Herod then arranged a secret meeting with the scholars from the East. Pretending to be as devout as they were, he got them to tell him exactly when the birth-announcement star appeared. Then he told them the prophecy about Bethlehem, and said, “Go find this child. Leave no stone unturned. As soon as you find him, send word and I’ll join you at once in your worship.”
Matthew Chapter 2

It seems the shed had enough space to bring up a baby...

It seems the shed had enough space to bring up a baby…

9-10 Instructed by the king, they set off. Then the star appeared again, the same star they had seen in the eastern skies. It led them on until it hovered over the place of the child. They could hardly contain themselves: They were in the right place! They had arrived at the right time!

11 They entered the house and saw the child in the arms of Mary, his mother. Overcome, they kneeled and worshiped him. Then they opened their luggage and presented gifts: gold, frankincense, myrrh.

Matthew Chapter 2

Something is coming...

Something is coming…

12 In a dream, they were warned not to report back to Herod. So they worked out another route, left the territory without being seen, and returned to their own country.
Matthew Chapter 2

Seems the shed also doubled up as transport...

Seems the shed also doubled up as transport…

13 …God’s angel showed up again in Joseph’s dream and commanded, “Get up. Take the child and his mother and flee to Egypt. Stay until further notice. Herod is on the hunt for this child, and wants to kill him.”
(kinda based on Matthew Chapter 2)

They all went their own ways, and everyone lived happily ever after.
The End.

For an alternative Christmas flavored Star Wars, check out the Star Wars Holiday Special. (Be Warned – Its REALLY BAD!)

(And if you made it this far. Well Done. I might make a more coherent better one for next year… )

Who Rules Christmas?

 

Have you ever wondered, “Who rules Christmas? Santa or Jesus?”

Well it seems there’s a board game to help people debate that question.

The page on Amazon doesn’t seem to give many clues about what the game actually involves, apart from the following “Can your team work together to save a group of North Korean’s imprisoned for illegally singing Christmas Carols? Guess the punchlines to awful Christmas jokes in the new quiz show ‘Have Yourself A Merry Little QuizMas’? Or will you land a role in the new Christian rom-com ‘There’s Something About The Virgin Mary?’ There is only one way to find out.”

jesus-v-santa-board-game

Either way, I think I would personally prefer chocolate, or cider.. or something…

If you like it, you can get more information about it from Amazon.