Month: October 2017

10 Ways That Christian Kids Delay Bed Time

Long time readers of The Sofa will know of my daughter, “Little Sofa”. I don’t mention her often as this place is often about silly church things… not little person things.

Now, if you don’t have kids yourself, they seem to hate the concept of going to relax in a bed and gently going to sleep for the night. (It’s like they believe that they’ll miss out on all the fun if they sleep.)

Normally kids employ tactics to stay up like, running, dancing, needing a wee, and going to the toilet.

Lately I’ve noticed that Little Sofa occasionally tries a different technique to avoid going to sleep… She starts talking about church things… and well I guess we’re never sure how much we should tell her to go to sleep if she’s asking questions about Jesus?

Anyway here’s a collection of Christian style techniques she has employed to stay awake. (Some of which I may have made up):

  1. Opens up and explains what they did at Sunday school / holiday club.
  2. Asks questions about diversity within the human race, and why we’re created differently.
  3. Asks about the people out in the lions den.
  4. “Did Jesus go to school?”
  5. Test parents about deep theological matters.
  6. Starts writing practice. Writing Bible verses.
  7. Insists on a really long prayer.
  8. Sings a long forgotten song from Holiday Club, really nicely, with cute dialed up to 12.
  9. “How does God know our name?”
  10. Complains about a dream during which they are chased by a really big blue book.

Any more you can offer?

Christian Tricks for Halloween Trick or Treating

Previously I’ve wondered what a Christian Halloween Costume may look like, but what about Trick or Treating? What if a Christian wanted to doll out tricks at Halloween? I admit most of these are based on the person at the door dishing out the tricks… this is presuming you can be quick at dishing out the tricks…

But what should should Christian Halloween tricks look like? Here’s out list*:

  1. Open the door, bash them with a Bible. Explain that will teach them for calling you a Bible basher.
  2. Answer the door in tears, explain that you’re looking for your lost coin, and beg for their help.
  3. Dress up as the Pope. Speak to them in Italian. Only Italian.**
  4. Arrange for a sheep to come out your door when it’s open. Explain that you need to run and find it.
  5. Open your door dressed up as Mark Driscoll.
  6. If you’re actually going Trick or Treating, if anyone asks for a trick, run into their house and pray in every room. In tongues. Loudly. Whilst throwing oil all over the place. Leave a church leaflet for when you go.
  7. Alternatively, form a mini choir and sing a number of worship choruses. Loudly, and out of tune. Leave with them with a leaflet saying “If you want to hear more, come to our church”.
  8. Give Bible tracts instead of sweets.

Any more you can suggest?

*All of these are a little silly. Probably best you don’t do any of these.
** Probably not as effective in Italy.