10 Christian Injuries Picked Up By Church Attendance

Church. Its a safe place isn’t it? Isn’t it?
Are you aware of how many ways that people can get damaged within church? We did some research into how people had been hurt within Church. Here are some of the shocking ways that being involved with church has physically hurt people*.

  1. Knocked out due to standing next to an excited charismatic, during an upbeat song.
  2. ADHD… brought about by an overdose of Church Coffee.
  3. Dead knees, from kneeling to pray for to long.
  4. Lung related issues, after seeing how long you can be baptised for.
  5. Paper Cuts from folding notices / song sheets / event fliers / news letters / prayer diaries / recycling literature.
  6. Football in face. Because of the youth club.
  7. Dancing in the aisle related injuries.
  8. One to many action songs have induced early onset of arthritis in your body.
  9. Liver complications from going to one to many communion services in one day.
  10. The band playing “The Happy Song”, has set off a bizzare flashback making you think you’re 20 years younger then you are… No, you can’t jump like that anymore.

We’ve not even mentioned the death trap that is Christmas services… Do you know of any other comedy Church injuries?

*Obviously some of the people we asked may have been winding us up.

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2 Replies to “10 Christian Injuries Picked Up By Church Attendance”

  1. It’s not funny, but the Baptist Union of Great Britain has at least one Baptistry-related death every year, usually when the candidate emerges from the water dripping wet and is handed a live mike ….

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