Church Sofa A – Z Guide To Church. Bibles, Biscuits and Bishops

Our alphabetical guide to church life continues with…

Bible

aka “The Good Book”. Its generally thought that reading the Bible is a good thing. Reading things that help you read the bible is also considered a good thing. Lots of people try and read the Bible in a year. Last September we tried reading the Bible in a year. One of us got stuck around last November. The other is trapped around July.

Many people seem to agree that the Bible is a good thing to read. Actually reading it seems to be something else.

The thing is. With all the talk in churches of how good it is to read your Bible. What if people struggle to read?

Biscuits

Served with tea at the end of a church service. Or possibly during a housegroup.

Remember. Good Christians don’t take the last biscuit.

Bishops

Aka. The Boss. It was confirmed by the synod last year that while The Church of England is perfectly OK with women being a Church Minister / Vicar / Pastor… the idea of a woman being in charge was not really acceptable in these modern times.

The Boss sometimes visits churches to perform special things… like blessing a new church roof… or something. You can tell if he’s around due to the Church Warden using the following checklist.

1.Is the pastoral team wearing the correct liturgical uniform?
2.Do we have the correct amount of communion wine in stock?
3.Have “those” children been locked away in the crèche?
4.Has crèche been relocated into the basement?
5.Has the building been dusted? (In and out – yes including the tower)
6.New red carpet rolled out?
7.Crowd been taught correct responses?
8.Crowd now informed they are the “congregation”?
9.Do the “Sunday Morning Welcomer’s” look smart enough?
10.Does the communion wine have another alcohol in to ensure its elevated above the level of Ribena?

Any I’ve missed?

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