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  • 10 Ideas for A Church Fun Day

    10 Ideas for A Church Fun Day

    It must be a hard decision at times for a church minister to take a sabbatical. There must be a million and one things to consider. Such as who’s going to preach? Who’s going to visit sick people? Will the church be happy to see them gone, are they likely to go and throw a Fun Day to celebrate?

    There are also things for a church to consider when their minister goes on sabbatical. For instance, how should they celebrate their minister going away for a bit?

    Some churches in this situation decide to host a “Fun Day”. If your church is also planning a fun day, here are a few ideas to get you started.

    1. Have people ready to ‘pounce’ on new faces!
    2. A really big cake!
    3. Some sort of local food, eg. In Scotland, serve Haggis, in Devon? Serve a cream tea. Jam first.
    4. Bouncy Castle! Only big enough for one child at a time… or 20 adults bounding on.
    5. Second hand stall, with at least one kinda dodgy DVD.
    6. Different flavours of ice cream with Bible themed names. (Such as “Honey and Locust”)
    7. Connect 7. It’s a more biblical number then 4.
    8. Cage fighting pastors from elsewhere.
    9. Alpha sized smiles on everyone involved.
    10. The PCC / Deacons involved in a series of Gladiator style events…

  • Why I Left an Evangelical Cult

    Why I Left an Evangelical Cult

    In his trawling of the internet, Sofa occasionally comes across something a bit more serious. Here, Dawn Smith discusses growing up in a religious cult and what it takes to leave everything you’ve ever known.

  • The 5 Most Commonly Misheard Worship Songs

    The 5 Most Commonly Misheard Worship Songs

    The Sofa is pleased to share this guest blog from Kate from Londonwithatoddler.com. Kate describes herself as a “mother, writer, thinker. Granted, the kind of things I think about are along the lines of “What’s that smell?” or “Where can I buy chocolate around here?”, so maybe not that much of a thinker.  But I am definitely the first two”. Here’s her take on a couple of worship songs:

    Worship is great. There’s nothing like opening yourself up to receive the Holy Spirit through the medium of music and…hold up, what did they just say?!
    It turns out that the people who write worship songs are, unlike God, fallible. And sometimes, amidst the wonderful words they pour out, a little lyrical nugget will hit the wrong note. Which is where our great misheard worship lyrics come from. So, presenting the 5 most commonly misheard worship songs*

    5) “God I Look to You”

    Some worship songs come along at just the right time. In the aftermath of the riots in 2011, London needed a song of affirmation and focus on God. Freshly released was this simple but beautiful song about reaching out to Him in the most difficult of circumstances.
    Which was all lovely. But when you’ve lived in South London for a decade, you simply can’t sing the line “Forever, all my days” without putting on a Peckham accent and saying “Oh My Days”. With the hand gestures. You just can’t. Well, maybe it’s just me that can’t. It also contains the line “You know just what to do”, which always makes me think of an SAS officer briefing his men on a secret raid. Try saying that without raising an eyebrow, nodding and trying to exude military authority.

    4) “You are my Shelter”

    Coming up, a pair of songs that have the ability to change the very nature of God. And first off is this 2001 Vineyard number. The problem lies in the third verse and the lyric “Your unchanging nature/Sustains me in uncertainty”. Nothing theologically unsound there, right? God is unchanging. Except the lyricist didn’t really leave enough space in the bar to fit the four syllables of “your unchanging” in. There’s a – and forgive me for getting technical here – minim rest at the start of the bar, taking up half of it and then “nature” hits the start of the next bar, leaving “your unchanging” squashed into just two beats. What inevitably gets lost? The “un”. It’s an undeniable fact that “Your changing nature” scans much better. But it does throw the whole of the Bible into question so it might be better for worship leaders to just practise this one in front of the mirror. A lot.

    3) “Your Love Never Fails”

    On that subject, here’s one that even seasoned worship leaders get wrong…and they may not even realise. One seasoned worship leader, who asked not to be named, humiliated or excommunicated, explained it thus – there is no “cause”. It’s a “but”. If you sing “The chasm is far too wide/I never thought I’d reach the other side/Cause Your love never fails” it sounds like God’s unfailing love is the reason why you’re plummeting into that chasm. It’s “But Your love never fails”. That’s the line that makes theological sense. Yet still, the first version seems to trip off the tongue so much better, doesn’t it? It obviously doesn’t help that the first half of the verse has a “Cause Your love never fails” in it. When you’re in mid worship-flow, it can be really tough to remember which way round they go but don’t worry – no-one notices. Except your keyboard player. They notice everything.

    2) “One Thing Remains”

    Yup, two Jesus Culture songs in a row…and it’s that other one that uses the lyric “Your love never fails”. It’s not that bit I take issue with though – it’s the third line of the first verse, which says “Constant through the trial and the change”. It would be perfectly innocuous, if “The Change” wasn’t an unfortunate euphemism for the menopause. I can’t sing it without sniggering.

    1) Everlasting God

    I’m very fond of this last one, as it reminds me of a happier, more innocent time. It’s the line “You’re the defender of the weak”, which is a nice sentiment but it sounds like a feature in my brother’s “Shoot” comics when we were growing up. Every issue had a “Striker of the Week”, so why not a “Defender of the Week” too? And really, Jesus would make an excellent defender – being omnipresent and all. You’d never get past him. It’d be easier to get a camel through the eye of needle than a ball past Jesus.

    *Misheard by me. Some would say deliberately.

    What have you misheard?

  • 10 Tips For Playing The Keyboard in Worship

    10 Tips For Playing The Keyboard in Worship

    The Sofa is pleased to share this guest blog from Kate from Londonwithatoddler.com. Kate describes herself as a “mother, writer, thinker. Granted, the kind of things I think about are along the lines of “What’s that smell?” or “Where can I buy chocolate around here?”, so maybe not that much of a thinker.  But I am definitely the first two”. Here she’s sharing her top ten tips for playing the keyboard in worship in Church.

    Ten Tips for Playing the Keyboard in Worship

    Like the church, the worship band is a body. And if the worship leader is the head, then the keyboard player is the liver – solid, always there and not really noticed until it goes wrong. But there is a lot of joy to be had sitting at the back, playing along, occasionally slipping the melody from “Let it Go” into poignant moments. And with our Ten Tips for Keyboard Players, we’re going to teach you how to be the best liver you can possibly be.

    1. Know your place

    As I might have mentioned, keyboard players are a bit of a supporting role, in secular bands as well as worship bands. For every Jean Michel Jarre, there’s a dozen session musicians. Bands may recruit a keyboard player for their tours, but they never make it onto the album cover.

    In worship, the keyboard is normally there to add weight to choruses, support the rhythm and fill in gaps where the worship leader gets confused. You’re never the centre of attention, but that’s the heart of worship isn’t it? Banish all thoughts of being the next Timmy Jupp and concentrate on building a beautiful sound.

    2. Know when to play and when not to

    And on that note (pun intended), one of the first skills you learn is when not to play.  There’s a famous video of “Oceans” by Hillsong, where the drummer goes a little crazy on the drum fills, stamping all over the mellow and stripped-back vibe the singer was trying to create. Don’t be that guy. Worship songs often start with just guitar and vocals and you might come in on the repeat of the first verse, or the first chorus, or even the second verse. Obviously take your cue from the worship leader but also try and feel how the song is going – if you’re heading towards a quiet bridge, drop out and come back as it builds up again. It takes a bit of time to get used to when to play and when not to, and you might still get it wrong. But it’s a skill worth practising.

    3. Learn to transpose

    One of your chief bugbears will be people who only play the guitar. They change key by just slapping on a capo and assume everyone else can do the same. Have you ever put a capo on a keyboard? It just kinda rattles and doesn’t do anything useful. There’s often a “transpose” button that does the job of changing key, but if you don’t have a screen these can be fraught with danger. How many keys did we move up? And how many do we need to move down for the next song? I’m playing a G but it doesn’t sound like a G…what is going on?

    A more durable life skill is to get familiar with the different keys and learn to transpose. Most worship songs need the same 5 chords to play, so there aren’t that many chord groups to learn. But just knowing that going up a tone from C gives you a chord group of D/F#m/G/A/Bm instead of C/Em/F/G/Am prepares you for those “I’m sticking a capo on it” moments. And one fret on a guitar = one semitone. But you hope your worship leader would at least mouth “Bb” at you in that way that they do as you’re starting the song. It all helps.

    4. Don’t get too enthusiastic

    A simple one next. No matter how much you’re building the song, and how much passion you put into your playing, don’t ever play so hard that the keyboard stand collapses. It kills the mood. Trust me on this one.

    5. Know how to improvise

    Easier said than done, but improvising is a really useful thing to be able to do in worship. If it all takes a bit of a free-singing turn, you can pretty much go nuts (now is the time to prophetically play “Let it Go” over the congregation. You never know – it might really speak to someone). The easiest way is just to play around the notes of the chords – some arpeggios here, a little flowery bit there  – rather than attempting a melody. Practise at home until you get confident, so that when the worship leader breaks a string and looks round at you in panic, you’ll be able to smoothly take over.

    6. Chords are your Friend

    Related to that point – you’ll find that a lot of worship playing is more about playing chords than picking out the melody of the song. Of course, it’s different if you’re the only musician – then you might want to play the melody and the chords, for a fuller sound (especially if you don’t like singing!). But in a band, there’s a lot going on so it’s best to play chords, with both hands. It might sound boring, but it gives you a good basis for improvising and makes it way easier to play by ear (assuming you can hear yourself…I never can…so I use chord sheets, or scribbled chords on the back of a receipt if the worship leader’s left the music at home. Another advantage of playing chords = your music is the same as a guitarist’s).

    7. Mind out for the demo button

    Oh, you think it can never happen to you, do you? You think you’ll never lean over to adjust your music and your wrist will lightly brush the button that sends a wave of “Venus” across the congregation? Well, it happened to Martin Smith…

    8. Take your cues from the Drummer

    I know, I know… I barely even acknowledge the drummer, but he does come in useful sometimes. If you’re unsure of what kinda level you should be playing at, listen to the drums – if they’re using those bamboo stick things, it’s a good bet that you should be pretty soft as well, or not even playing at all (see point 2). If the rhythm is more driving, you can mimic that with the way you play chords. And when they do a massive drum fill that goes on for ten minutes, rebuke them. Publicly, if possible.

    9. Learn the hand signals

    Tricky one this, as every worship leader has their own hand signals but it’s good to have some kind of understanding about what your worship leader is trying to tell you. An upward motion means “Play Louder”, a circular one means “Keep Going” and them falling to the floor means they’ve been slain in the Spirit, in which case you should both “Play Louder” and “Keep Going” until you see that universal signal from the meeting leader that means “Stop” (it’s a tapping of the watch, in case you aren’t familiar with it). Also learn your own sign language, for informing confused Visuals people what the next song is. “Open the Eyes of my Heart” is particularly satisfying to mime.

     10. Learn to play the guitar

    After all these tips, this seems like a bit of a defeatist one. Ah, just give up and learn the guitar…stardom awaits! But that’s not why I say it. More than a basic knowledge of guitar chords means you can play from watching the shape of the worship leader’s hand. You’d be amazed how often that skill comes in useful…

    And now you’re set! Go and be free to worship like David did, only with a few more clothes on..

    Heres that Martin Smith moment…

  • Exeter Church List

    Exeter Church List

    It looks like someone came to visit the sofa after doing a search for: “god please find me a church in exeter uk”. Well… If you come back, here are some Exeter based Church websites to possibly help you find a Church in Exeter.  (As well as links to other things that may at least make you smile)

    Hope there’s something here useful?

    Please leave a comment below if you’ve found the above useful, or if you’d would like to share your Exeter Church website – please leave the website address below... and be nice about it!

  • Adrian Plass: Anglican Announcements

    Adrian Plass, presents a look at Anglican Announcements.

    Hopefully the side chapel will be used more in the future…

  • 11 Ways to Misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

    11 Ways to Misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

    Over the next month and a bit the Christian Festival circuit will continue to burst back into life from the covid hibernation. With festivals such as Keswick, Greenbelt. Satellites, Creation Fest, there is also Festival Manchester. Or #FestivalManchester according to Twitter.

    As a former Manchester student, I couldn’t resist the prompt to imagine different ways to misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

    Obviously if you get into trouble for any of this, well… don’t blame me.

    Anyway…

    11 Ways to Misbehave at a Manchester Christian Festival.

    1. Wear a red shirt, chant “City are the Best!”, then wait for the forbearance of Christ to be displayed around you.
    2. Cosplay as a Christian Gallagher brother.
    3. Bring  a petition for an annual Manchester Passion.
    4. Walk around blessing everyone, in a Scouse accent.
    5. Advertise a City of Manchester event. Address of the event is in Salford.
    6. Spread a rumour that The World Wide Message Tribe are back. Sob quietly when you realise that young people are looking at you, with a look of confused worry across their face.
    7. Bring a sign offering free hugs to Manchester United supporters.
    8. Offer baptisms in the canal.
    9. Start a survey asking if Jesus had a brew, what would it be.
    10. Ask why songs by James / oasis / Happy Mondays / The Smiths / Joy Division aren’t in the worship set list.
    11. Go the pub. Party. Ache the next morning when you remember that you’re not a student anymore, and Iittle child is jumping on you.

    Any more that should be added? Please comment below.

    With thanks to @DavePiperDJ for the idea…

  • 22ish reasons why the rapture will happen in 202

    22ish reasons why the rapture will happen in 202

    After finding a book entitled 88 Reasons Why The Rapture Will Happen in 1988, we wonder if we can think of 22 reasons why the rapture will happen in 2022.

    With thanks to David Tennant and Michael Sheen, for being themselves. 

    And sorry for lots of nonsense. (Possibly more than normal)

    You can listen via Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

    We can be found on @messyPew on InstagramTwitter, and Facebook.

    Please also leave any feedback below, or email (complaints) at TheMessyPew@gmail.com

  • How to Watch Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed Documentary

    How to Watch Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed Documentary

    There’s a documentary over the Hillsong Church, called Hillsong: A Megachurch Exposed. Its… something, and not pretty. Here’s the trailer.

    It can be found on Discovery+, which has a free 7 day trial. Find it directly on Discovery+ or via Amazon. (Affiliate link)

    Viewer discretion is advised.

    Yes only 7 days, so you might want to plan your depressing documentary binge watching in advance.

  • A Guide For Christians Moving Home

    A Guide For Christians Moving Home

    Well, the Church Sofa family have moved home to what is now known as “Sofa Castle”, to celebrate we’ve put together this little collection of tips for moving home, or at least how a Christian should move home.

    1. While looking around people’s homes, during the “house searching” phrase, ensure you leave Christian literature on their dining room table.
    2. When looking for a house, ensure you find a place with enough space for a chapel.
    3. It’s not unheard of for people to leave furniture behind when they move, as sometimes they don’t need it in their new home, or sometimes they just can’t fit it out the door. If you’re leaving a cupboard or anything with a drawer, it will always be nice for the new home owner to discover a copy of the Gideons Bible within it.
    4. Don’t forget to leave your large cross behind on the wall. You can always build a new one.
    5. Pass a letter on to your buyer, via your Christian solicitor, advising of how blessed you hope they’ll be in their new home.
    6. Make sure anything alcohol related is covered up, this is to ensure you aren’t responsible for the faith of your removal men stumbling.
    7. During your house move itself, ensure you take regular breaks for water, food, prayer, praise, and Bible readings.
    8. Once you’ve moved home, ensure you drop Evangelistic leaflets down your road, or if you really want to “Move Like Jesus”, knock on all the doors in your new road and ask them if they want to go to Church with you next Sunday.
    9. Has a neighbour just knocked on your door to introduce themselves? Ask if theres anything you can pray for?
    10. Ensure you play a song like this really really loud, out the windows:

    Obviously, dont forget to build that chapel.

    Any more you suggest?