Simpsons-Bored-Church

10 ways to create trouble in church… but being biblical about it!

Imagine you’re sat there in Church, and you’re wondering “Wouldn’t it be funny if a particular situation happened”. Obviously you dont do anything about it, because isn’t it a bit naughty to make trouble in Church? What if there was a biblical basis for the trouble you are creating? If you are in a trouble making mood then check out our following list:

  1. Swap your church bibles for something a bit more Greek.
  2. Non alcoholic communion wine? Swap it for something with a bit more kick!*
  3. Bring take out to every communion service… if anyone complains point out that Jesus had communion after a meal.
  4. Someone being baptized? Throw them into a river.**
  5. Encourage everyone looking for a job / training to go into carpentry.
  6. Having a bring and share meal at Church? Bring some locusts…
  7. Ask the preacher to tell you a story.
  8. Are you preaching? Arrive to church dressed in Whale vomit, see what happens.
  9. Before any church meals, demand the minister washes everyones feet.
  10. Organising the next church lunch? Arrange for everyone to only bring milk, or honey.

*You may want to make sure no one has issues with alcohol in your church first.
** Offer life jackets if they can’t swim.

Obviously the sofa takes no responsibility for anything you do as a result of reading this. Ever.

Any one got other ideas? 

St Mary and the Priory of the Holy Cross church Bungay, Suffolk, UK

When is a table not a table?

The telegraph report into the question of When is a table not a table”:

For many Christians, the altar is the most sacred part of any church.

Covered with a white cloth, it is the holy place where worshippers kneel to receive Communion and feel closer to God. However instead of the body and blood of Christ, one church group has applied to use their blessed altar to serve tea, biscuits and orange squash. Worshippers at the St Michael and All Angels Church in Uffington, Lincolnshire, wanted their oak altar to double up as a place to “serve refreshments”.

But Mark Bishop, chancellor for Lincoln, and a judge of the Church of England’s Consistory Court, decided the altar could only be used for worship, not to serve snacks. Ruling that “an interchangeable use for the altar” was certainly not acceptable, he said a “decent table of wood, stone or other suitable material” should be provided in every church or chapel for celebration of Holy Communion.

He added: “The table, as becomes the table of Lord, shall be kept in a sufficient and seemly manner, and from time to time repaired, and shall be covered in the time of Divine Service with a covering of silk or other decent stuff, and with a fair white linen cloth at the time of the celebration of the Holy Communion.

“It would be completely inappropriate for an altar to be used occasionally for the celebration of Holy Communion, but more frequently ‘for the service of refreshments’.

“The obligation of the Churchwardens is to ensure that the Lord’s Table is kept in a ‘sufficient and seemly manner’ and I am quite satisfied that what is proposed does not amount to that.”

Read the article over at The Telegraph.

If you are on the look our for tables to use in church, I would suggest checking out amazon.co.uk